Page 26 of Last Seen

Chapter Seventeen

Halley offers some coffee, which the doctor accepts gratefully.

They sit at the table. She moves the photos and notes out of the way, stacks them all up.

The doctor looks at them curiously, and Halley puts a possessive hand on top.

The wind whips up outside, and she feels the air start to loosen around them.

The therapist takes a deep sip of her coffee. “Mm, this is excellent. There’s a storm coming. I didn’t know if I’d make it before the heavens opened.”

“They steal up on you here sometimes. You came all the way from Boston?” Halley’s voice is rough, her throat raw from the screaming.

“No. I’m in DC now. Moved my practice there several years ago. I do mostly couples work, but individual psychotherapy as well.”

She thinks of Theo, and wonders if maybe they need to talk to Chowdhury. Focus, Halley. Cat.

“And how did you get my address?”

“From Cat, naturally.”

This is a shocking bit of news. Her dad’s plan hadn’t worked at all. Cat did know where they were. Why had she never reached out? Or, conversely, come after them? If she was so dangerous, why had she never tried to hurt them?

“I’m very confused,” Halley says. “Care to enlighten me?”

The doctor glances at the file again, raising her brow in query as if she knows exactly what it is and wants a quick peek. Halley slides it out of reach possessively.

A little sigh. “You need to leave your sister’s situation alone.”

“I thought you couldn’t talk about her.”

“I can’t. Not specifics. I’m making a judgment call here.

I did a little checking on you. You’re a smart girl.

Top of your class in undergrad at GW, graduated your master’s with honors.

PhD by twenty-six, making a name in the forensics industry.

On a path to run NISL. Until you left your company out of the blue Monday.

” That eyebrow again, an open invitation to share.

It probably works wonders with her patients.

For Halley, having a stranger digging makes her uncomfortable.

“How do you know all of this? Are you some sort of private investigator?”

“Not at all. Cat thought you had a bright future, and you do. I’d like to help you keep it that way. Here.”

She hands Halley an envelope. It is worn, and thin. “I didn’t want to say anything on the phone. Your sister said if you ever got in touch, to give you this.”

“What is it?”

“A letter, I believe.”

“And you’ve been holding on to this for fifteen years?”

The therapist nods. “Your sister was a complicated woman. You’ve obviously found out a little bit about her past?”

“A little bit? She murdered our mother!”

“And she went to jail for that admission. Granted, it was a juvenile psychiatric facility, but she didn’t have an easy time of it. They rarely do.”

“An easy time ... Dr. Chowdhury, forgive me for being obtuse, but when you go to jail, is it supposed to be cushy? She murdered a woman, the one who brought her into this world. Some would say matricide is a worse crime than killing a stranger.”

The doctor crosses her legs. She is the epitome of a cool customer.

“Interesting that you point that out. Matricide is horrible, and very, very rare for young women. And of course her sentence was supposed to be punishment. But recidivism is dramatically reduced if a juvenile can get the proper support. Counseling, medication, tools to handle their rage. When the environment they’re put into simply exacerbates the problem and creates an even deeper risk-reward system .

..” Chowdhury takes a sip of her coffee.

“I see you aren’t buying any of this, are you? ”

“I don’t see that letting people get away with murder is a good thing.”

The way Chowdhury looks at her makes Halley feel quite prim. No, not prim. Naive. She has a sad, knowing smile, like Halley is a recalcitrant child. “You have a highly developed moral compass. That’s good. Whoever you choose to work for next will be lucky to have you.”

Halley feels the anger that’s been simmering since Ivan called her into his office and blew up her life bubbling up to the surface.

Who the hell is this woman? “Doctor, forgive me, but you could have mailed me that letter. Why are you here if you can’t tell me anything worthwhile about my sister’s disappearance? ”

Chowdhury smiles, unperturbed by Halley’s aggression.

“Cat was one of my favorite patients. She was complicated, without a doubt, but incredibly self-aware. Driven. Smart. Talented. Not unlike yourself. When she went missing, I was very upset. We’d made so much progress.

And now ... It’s been so long, I’d almost given up hope.

But when you reached out, I admit, a spark relit.

You were there, of course, in her defining moment.

It was a very powerful psychological event. ”

Well, that’s not weird.

“I may have been there, but I don’t remember anything. And every time I try to think about it, there’s an immediate blackout. Like, jet black in my brain.”

“Is there? That’s interesting.”

“But what does it mean?”

“Well, before I offer my opinion, would you tell me how it makes you feel? This darkness?”

“Panicky. Fearful. Frozen. But safe, too. As if whatever is on the other side of it is dangerous, but as anxious as I am, I know nothing will hurt me if I don’t look.”

Chowdhury has leaned forward at this description.

“Do you sense a difference in your surroundings? Do you lose time?”

Halley shakes her head.

“In many instances of dissociative identity disorders, there is a place the psyche retreats to that feels safe, and another iteration of the personality emerges to defend the subject. Have any of your friends or family ever said you speak or act differently when you’re frightened?”

“No. Never.”

“Hm. Well, it could just be you’re protecting yourself from a traumatic experience. The brain is a delicate and powerful place. You may not be ready to drop the wall and see what’s on the other side.”

“Not surprising. My father told me my sister tried to kill me, too. I don’t know that I’d like to remember that. Did she tell you that? Is that why I am the chosen one here?”

Chowdhury searches Halley’s face with those dark, kind eyes. She is used to being challenged, uses silence as her armor. It works; Halley is uncomfortable enough to speak again.

“I just want to know what happened. Why she killed our mother. Why she disappeared. If she’s dead, then I can start putting the pieces back together.”

“I understand that urge. But you shouldn’t. You need to stay away from this. It’s bigger than you could possibly imagine. There is danger. Leave it to the professionals. Let them go searching again. Cat suffered a real trauma. Trauma leaves marks. You needn’t get caught up in the fray.”

“I suffered a real trauma, too. My mother was murdered in front of me, and I can’t remember it.” Halley’s voice is rising. She needs to stay calm, not lose her temper and chase the doctor away.

Chowdhury taps a finger on her knee. “Where do your memories of the event end?”

A breath. “I’m not sure. Bits and pieces are coming back. But I didn’t even know it happened at all until two days ago. I call that a trauma. Don’t you?”

The doctor finishes her coffee. “Some are worse than others,” she says lightly. “I’d highly recommend you speak with someone about this loss, Halley. You need help processing this information. It’s a lot.”

“Thanks. I’ll look into that.”

“Good. I have to get back. Thank you for seeing me.”

“You drove down from DC, and now you’re going back? What if I have more questions? I need to get a handle on who my sister was.”

“I’ve given you all I can. And delivered the letter, which has been burning a hole in my safe for a very long time.”

“Dr. Chowdhury, why didn’t you just mail it? If you knew where I was?”

“Cat didn’t know what you remembered, and what you didn’t. She specifically said that unless you came to me directly asking questions, I was not to share it.”

“Well, here I am, asking questions. And you aren’t being very forthcoming.”

“Then let me be clear. Your sister was stubborn, too. Desperate to confront her demons, always looking for the path back to the darkness that she felt made her. I didn’t think she should go to Brockville, and my intuition was correct.

I’m going to say the same thing to you as I did to her.

Some things should be left in the past. Powerful people do terrible things to keep their secrets. ”

“So there are powerful people in Brockville keeping secrets?”

A flare of something in those dark eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“I think you just did. Did you tell the police searching for Cat the same thing? Did you warn them off, too?” She is getting frustrated by the enigmatic therapist. “You know more about this than you’re saying. Do you know where my sister is?”

The doctor shakes her head. “I don’t. I wish I did. And I shared as much as I legally could with the police when she went missing. I told them to look at Brockville.”

“Did you show them this letter? What if there’s something in here that will give a clue as to where she is?”

“If I thought that was the case, I would have given it to them. It won’t. This was written well before she went missing. This was her way of making amends.”

“But—”

“Thank you for the coffee, Halley. It was nice meeting you.”

Without another word, Chowdhury gets up from the table and heads to the door. Halley has no choice but to follow her.

The rain has started, thrumming hard onto the pavement. A bolt of lightning crashes, and thunder rumbles quickly on its heels.

“You should be very careful going down the mountain, Dr. Chowdhury. The roads get slick. Are you sure you don’t want to wait?”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you, Halley.” She gets behind the wheel of a white rental sedan, closes the door, and pulls out of the driveway.