Page 66 of Lady of the Drowned Empire

I squeezed the stone in my palm. “Haleika doesn’t count,” I yelled. “And I don’t buy that for a second. Rhyan, you’re playing the fucking hero.”

“No, I’m not. I signed up for this, remember? I made a deal with your father, and I keep my promises. I’m doing my duty as a soturion.”

“Gryphon-shit! There’s an entire legion of soturi here doing nothing. You’re not working for my father anymore. He’s—” The backs of my eyes burned, and I pressed my free hand against them, blinking back tears.

“Lyr?”

I pushed my fingers through my hair. “You’re on the Imperator’s task force now. And you can’t be doing this. You’re still an apprentice.”

“An apprentice who has been making these trips for months! I’m the most experienced soturion here. And you know Ka Kormac doesn’t do shit. I couldn’t suddenly say no.”

“Why? Afraid you’d look weak? Scared? I know what you’ve been doing, and I know what you’re capable of, but I also saw the look on your face when you left—and the way you barely looked at me this morning. Stop trying to use logic to defend this. I know you. And I know what you’re really doing there.”

“My duty!”

“Your duty is here!”

“My duty began before I ever came to Bamaria. We already had akadim reach the border, get close to you. Did you think I’d let that happen again?” There was another long pause. The only sound that came from the stone was his breathing and a thud like he’d set it down somewhere. “What else can I do?” he growled, his voice louder. “Huh? Tell me, Lyr! Tell me! You’re not the only one having nightmares. Not the only one seeing Haleika and Leander’s faces when you close your eyes. They’re dead. Murdered! Because of me. Because of my failure.”

“Rhyan, that’s not true. They’re not dead because of you. You didn’t kill them.”

“I might as well have. I didn’t stop the threat. I let my feelings for you get in the way of it. I told you, I don’t know what I’m capable of doing, what lengths, what depravity I might—”

“Rhyan! Gods, do you even hear yourself? So what? You were forced to make a choice, and now, because it wasn’t perfect, you’re going to get yourself killed?”

“No! That’s not going to happen. That’s not what I’m trying to do here. I just…I need to find a way to fix this, to somehow even the score, I don’t know.”

I grabbed the nape of my neck, and squeezed. “You said you’d choose me again.”

“I am choosing you. This protects you, too.”

“You’re not protecting me by leaving me here alone. And you’re not evening the score like this. Auriel’s bane, Rhyan. You’ll never even the score. The akadim that killed Haleika, that killed Leander, is dead.”

“And I killed Haleika.”

“I KILLED HALEIKA!” I roared, my voice breaking.

There was a noise on his side, something between a sob and a groan of frustration.

“Lyr. Partner.” Rhyan’s voice was strained. “Come on. This isn’t you.”

“And you want me to believe this is you? Scared? Running away? Throwing yourself into danger because you’re not the most perfect soturion in the world? I know you’re better than this.”

He grunted.

“I know you’re scared,” I said. “And I wish—Rhyan, if you were feeling like this, you should have talked to me before you left.”

“I did talk to you.” His voice darkened.

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t tell me you were feeling all of this. I know your word is your oath. I know how seriously you take that, how much honor means to you. And I know what happened is horrible and a mess. But you barely talked to me. I didn’t know that you were feeling this guilty, this responsible.”

“How else could I possibly be feeling? And I tried at first. But then, how could I? With all you’re going through?”

“I don’t care! It doesn’t matter what I’m going through.”

“Yes, it does,” he growled.

“No, it doesn’t! Not when it’s this important. Don’t you get it, partner? We’re in this together. We take turns. And I want to be there for you. Even now, even with everything that happened, that I lost. Look, I understand why you felt the need to go, I do. But you have to swear to me you’re coming back, that you won’t let this become something it’s not. Swear. I know how you feel. I know because I feel it, too. But this doesn’t change anything. Rhyan, swear to me you’ll come back. If there is any threat to your life, I don’t care what it is, you come back home to me. I can’t…I can’t lose you, too.”