Page 30 of Knot Your Bridezilla (High Fructose Corn Syrup Verse #2)

AVRIL

The Crystal Chateau was like walking into a dream—from the enormous sparkling chandelier hanging over the grand marble staircase, to the vine frieze molding and the panes of pure white chiffon draped across the ceiling and the bouquets of white roses, carnations and baby’s breath standing on roman columns…

it was more beautiful than I could have possibly hoped.

Now that the moment was finally here, I thought that I would feel magical…

Instead, I was stressed out of my mind.

I was in the bridal suite and had already sent poor Cashmere, my maid of honor, out five times.

The first time she came back as I was getting zipped into the crystal bodice of my tulle wedding ballgown was to let me know that the harpist had finally arrived and was currently playing “Young and Beautiful” by Lana Del Rey by the entrance.

The second time Cashmere walked in—still the picture of serenity—while I was in the middle of putting on the hydrating primers and tinted moisturizer to make my skin look luminous and dewy, Cashmere let me know that, yes, the live artist had already arrived and was already setting up all of her paints and canvas.

Cashmere looked a little less serene the fifth time I sent her out.

By then, the hair-stylist was shoving pins in my hair to keep the twisted half-up style in place, and making sure that my crystal tiara wouldn’t go flying off in the middle of the ceremony.

My sister actually grabbed my arms and looked me in the eyes to tell me—yes, the photos with my mothers and sisters were already taken.

My fathers and brothers were all lined up on the staircase at that very moment to get photographed—none of them, in fact, were brawling with anyone.

I had the wedding party arrive an hour early and had directed at least a hundred pictures be taken of them—which seemed excessive.

Maybe I should trust that my family would go this one day without getting into a fight…

My dads all swore up and down to me that they were retired and there was no reason for them to mess up their formal wear.

In her sweetest voice, Cashmere said, “Everything is going to be fine, Avril. If you keep worrying, I’ll send our moms in here to calm you down.”

Okay. Fine. I’d get a hold of myself. I didn’t want to stress my very pregnant moms out. Everything was done. I’d planned every detail to perfection.

Nothing was going to go wrong.

All too soon, it was time—the moment I’d fantasized about and worked so hard for… it was finally here.

The moment my dads joined me to walk me down the aisle, two of them immediately burst into tears. Pa Nix hurriedly brushed at his eyes, muttering, “My baby girl is all grown up.”

Daddy-Lo was crying freely as he told me, “You look so beautiful.”

“Don’t cry, Daddy-Lo. You’re going to make me cry, too,” I sniffed loudly, fanning myself.

Really.

Don’t make me cry.

There wasn’t time to go fix my make-up after this.

I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. My dads were all around me, three on each side. The heavy doors to the ceremony site were pulled wide open.

There was a literal gasp from my guests as they turned and took me in… the good kind of gasp, not the bad one. Mother and Momma Rains, seated at the front, both started to tear up. They watched me, beaming widely.

Then my eyes met David’s.

As I stared into the eyes of the man I had chosen, everything else in the world faded away. All of my anxieties, all the stress of this event, disappeared… until there was only him.

He stared at me slack-jawed… in complete disbelief. The only thing that I could read in his eyes was raw yearning—and a heat so intense that it burned all the way from the altar.

All of his fierce passion, all that fervent heat—it did something to me, loosened something deep inside me…

all the pressure that I had put myself under to make this wedding perfect—it burst like a child’s bubble.

Every inch of my body was filled with bliss.

I wanted to run and skip to him. I wanted to giggle and throw my hands in the air.

I wanted to toss my hair back and scream with glee…

I had never wanted anything in my life more than I wanted to be with him…

when I never even imagined that I could ever be with someone like him.

Maybe I thought that there was something broken inside me, how I wasn’t like my brothers and sisters.

How I wasn’t born special like the others…

there was always a part of me that felt like I didn’t deserve a man like David.

But he had chosen me, anyway.

Now I got to keep him.

This man who made my heart race… who made me feel alive.

This man who loves me.

I practically floated down the aisle on my way to him. I was giddy as I joined David under an archway of royal purple wisteria. The officiant began going through our vows that I had run through my imagination for so many years…

“Do you, David Brockman, take Avril Stryker to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

The way David was looking at me now… nothing I had ever imagined had come close to this.

“I, David Brockman, take you Avril Stryker, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day forward. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, I will love you and cherish you for all the days of my life.”

I felt his vows burn deep in my lower belly.

After wanting this ceremony for my entire life… now that I was in it, all I really wanted was to run away with my soon to be husband, to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.

“Do you, Avril Stryker, take David Brockman to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I, Avril Stryker, take you, David Brockman, to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold from this day forward. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and health, I will love you and cherish you for all the days of my life.”

Yes, I might have spent my whole life fantasizing about this moment—but I would throw this whole ceremony all of it away… for him.

David carefully slid a beautiful diamond band down my finger, as he promised me, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

I picked up the simple titanium band, sliding it onto David’s ring finger, as I vowed to him with all my heart, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

I didn’t need the floral archways, the carefully planned decor… not even this beautiful venue. No, all I needed to be happy for the rest of my days was just to be with him.

“If anyone knows a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.” The officiant continued solemnly.

I smiled at David. In just another moment, the two of us would be officially married. We would get our happily ever after, and I would get to feel David’s hot lips pressed against mine…

At that moment, the main doors burst open as a man I hadn’t seen in half a year burst down the aisle. His eyes were wide and wild, and he ran as if it were the start of an apocalypse. As soon as his eyes met mine, my ex yelled at the top of his lungs.

“I OBJECT!”