Page 45 of Kiss & Collide (Racing Hearts #2)

At the mention of his name, she had that same breathless chest-caving-in feeling, and most alarmingly, her eyes burned … almost like she might fucking cry . What was wrong with her?

“Okay,” Will said on an exhale, like he could see the chaos all over her face.

“Over here.” He took her by the elbow and led her through a crowd to a small side gallery.

The mass of people were back there in the main hall.

In this dimly lit little room, there was just the two of them and a very large piece of modern art that she didn’t understand at all.

Will crossed his arms over his chest. “Violet, I can tell you’re freaked out. What’s this about?”

God, this was embarrassing. Here she was, all cut up and full of angst over some boy . Hadn’t she spent the past three years working hard to make sure she was never in this position again? “Um, I think it might be about … Chase.”

“What happened?”

“Just me being me.” She meant it to be flippant, a joke, but it didn’t come out that way.

Will said nothing. He just stood there, arms crossed, waiting her out. If she was looking for a sounding board, she wouldn’t have picked Will, but now that she thought about it, he probably had the most relevant experience.

She kept her eyes on her hands as she twisted the stem of her glass. “So, you were a manwhore once.”

He sputtered out a laugh. “Umm … I guess it’s all in your perspective—”

She shot him a glance. “You were.”

“Okay. Yeah, I guess I was.”

She tossed back half a glass of champagne in one gulp, but alcohol wasn’t helping.

It tasted cloyingly sweet and wasn’t doing a goddamned thing to shut down the noise in her head, the panicky thoughts clamoring to get out.

God, why was this so hard? Why did she feel like one big, exposed nerve right now?

“How did that work?” she finally forced out. “When you met Mira?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, there you were, sleeping with one girl after another, tossing them out like used tissues when you were done, and suddenly you meet the one who changed everything?”

“Jesus, you make me sound like a total dirtbag.”

“If you were, then I am, too,” she muttered.

He paused, looking closely at her. “So first of all, neither one of us is a dirtbag. We were both single, and we enjoyed being single, right?”

“I’m not apologizing for who I am, and I don’t feel bad about a single thing I’ve done. Except maybe this one thing.”

“You guys have been together for a while now, right?”

Were they? She’d fought like hell to avoid putting any sort of name to it. But now that it was over, looking back on it, yes, they had been. They’d been together almost from the beginning.

“Yes, we were. I … um. I ended it. Yesterday.”

“Why?”

“He was getting too attached. He was making decisions based on me, not on what was best for him.”

“Well, when you’re with someone, and it’s serious, usually you do factor the other person into your plans. Because it’s a partnership. You’re supposed to get attached.”

“But what if you make those choices based on another person and it all falls apart?” She’d done that—poured years of her life and all her hard work into someone else and in the end, she’d been left with nothing to show for it.

“What if it doesn’t fall apart?”

“It always falls apart.”

“Not always,” Will said, with a shrug. “To answer your earlier question, I didn’t necessarily know Mira was the end of my manwhore days, as you put it. I just … wanted her. And then I only wanted her. And then I realized my life wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t in it.”

Violet considered that for a minute. When was the last time she’d wanted someone other than Chase?

Not since before Chase. Since he’d come along, she hadn’t so much as glanced at another man.

Just now with Zak … that should have been easy.

Instead, all she could think of was getting away from him.

The only thing she felt was that it all felt wrong.

Leaving a guy behind had never been a problem before.

Why now? Why Chase? And for the love of god, how did she make it stop ?

When she tried to imagine the next season, the next month, even the next few days, without Chase around, her mind went blank and that awful twisty hollow feeling started up in her chest again.

“Oh, fuck.” She dropped her head and squeezed her eyes shut. “I think I love him.”

Will chuckled.

“This isn’t funny, you bastard,” she growled.

“Sorry, but it kind of is. Violet, listen, this isn’t a bad thing.”

She lifted her head to glare at him. “The hell it’s not. I promised myself I’d never do this again.”

“What? Care about someone?”

“Yes! Because if you care about someone, you’re giving them the power to destroy you. Trust me, I’ve been there. I don’t want to do it again.”

He nodded slowly. “I guess that’s true, but the power can go the other way, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“That power can make you … better, stronger, happier . With Mira …” Will paused and shook his head, a soft, sappy smile on his dopey face.

“She makes me better. I make her better. We’re better together than either of us on our own.

There’s stuff in my life that I never would have been able to handle without her. ”

“Your shit parents?” She’d met Will’s parents once and they were the worst. Puffed up, snobby wankers.

“Them and a whole lot more. With her, I just know I can deal with anything that comes along. And I like to think I do the same for her.”

Violet thought back to last season, and all the bullshit Mira had to weather. “You do.”

He made a good point. The two of them definitely complemented each other. She thought about Chase, that impulsiveness that made him so good on the track but had left him with a scattershot career, until she’d come along and pulled it all together. That was kind of her thing, right?

But what about her? She’d been so steadfastly single for all this time because she wasn’t about to let another man take from her.

But what if someone gave instead? Suddenly she remembered what she’d told Ian that night in Vegas, when she’d finally sent him packing.

She felt valued now. Chase valued her. He appreciated her insight and her skills.

Wasn’t that all she’d ever wanted from Ian?

And Chase had been giving it to her from the start.

He’d given her so much more, though. Everything else she’d said to Ian … about being a part of the team, part of something bigger. She’d had that once with Ian and lost it all. Now, without even realizing it, she’d gotten it back with Chase and Pinnacle.

“Listen, Violet,” Will was saying. “Yeah, there’s always a chance that it all goes to hell and you get hurt.

But there’s also a chance it doesn’t. And if you really do love him, maybe it’s worth taking that chance.

Because when it works out, it’s fucking great.

And you pushed him away, and you don’t seem so great right now. So why not?”

“Because I fucked up. Badly. I sent him away and I was kind of mean about it, because … well, I’m me.”

Will waved a hand dismissively. “Chase knows you. He can handle you at your meanest. If he feels the same way about you, you can fix it.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?” It came out almost at a whisper, because it felt like giving voice to the thing she feared the most. Maybe he’d meant what he said. You don’t matter anymore.

“Was he upset when you sent him packing?”

“Yeah, he was upset.”

“Then he cares. You just gotta tell him how you feel.”

She scoffed, because that was literally the hardest thing she could imagine doing. But if she wanted him back, she was going to have to figure out how to do it. And she did. She wanted him back.

She’d had something with him … and it had been amazing. And she’d thrown it away with both hands because she was too scared to acknowledge how much she really cared about him.

“It’s not going to be easy,” she murmured.

“No,” Will acknowledged. “But it’ll be worth it. I promise.”