Page 19 of Kingpin's Nanny
“You don’t understand,” he says, but he doesn’t move, as though the tug of being close is as strong for him as it is for me.
“Then help me understand.” Frustration seeps in. He says I’m young, but I’m not a child.
Lucas drags in a long breath, then sighs, his brows low. Then he looks right into my eyes, his gleaming dark and metallic.
“I’m so in love with you, it’s an obsession. It’s more than you might want to cope with. I’m going to need to know exactly where you are, all the time. I’ll want you by my side. You’re beautiful outside, but my soul calls out to be entwined with yours. If I started, I don’t know if I’d let you go. I’d need to be inside you, constantly. I want to have you close, every day, and fit us together in every possible way that feels good. And when our bodies are old, and can’t do that anymore, when we have the satisfaction of seeing our children grow up, and have babies of their own, and the sun sets on our lives together. I’d welcome that too, as a way for my soul to be even nearer yours.”
He’s taking my breath away. This really is a bit intense, but I don’t care. I feel the same way.
“How I feel about you isn’t rational. I’m crazy about you, Bella.” He reaches down, opening a gap for me to escape the cage of his arms.
I don’t.
Slowly, he encircles my throat with his hand. “I’m dangerous, Bella. I’m the kingpin of King’s Cross, and you should leave while you can.”
Arching up, I push myself into him. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t trust myself with you,” he mutters, apparently to himself, and he squeezes the smallest amount, just so his fingers press in and his thumb is on my windpipe.
I rest my hand over his. He must be able to feel the pulse in my neck, and I can feel his—a solid thump-thump-thump—over his knuckles. “I trust you.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I’m a bad man, and destined to be worse.”
“I don’t believe it.” Not this man who kept his distance out of love, and cares for his niece in that gruff, tender way.
He sighs and his grip loosens, drifting down to the stretched opening of my T-shirt. He caresses my shoulder, and I reach for his side, trying to urge him closer.
“My sister was married to the previous King’s Cross kingpin—Bradford—and he killed her.”
“And you killedhimin revenge, and took over his territory.” I nod. This is not news. Even I know to do a bit of background on a mafia boss I’m working for.
He swallows. “What’s not known by most people, is why he killed her.”
The air in the stairwell is cool, and the glass above us, open to the stars, suddenly feels exposing.
“Bradford was obsessed.” Lucas looks down, not meeting my gaze. “He wasn’t willing to share Natalia with anyone. He was older than her—we were about the same age, and we were friends of a sort when I first started working for him—and he didn’t want her to have children. He couldn’t bear the idea of not having her all to himself.”
My eyes widen. I’ve heard the stories that the previous King’s Cross kingpin was unhinged, but I’m not sure why Lucas is telling me this.
“And now history is repeating, Bella. A King’s Cross kingpin is in obsessive love with a much younger, vulnerable, sweet girl. And you don’t even have a brother to look after you.”
It clicks.
“You think you’ll harm me?” He grips my shoulder tight, right on the muscle and bone that can withstand it, hardly painful at all. Not like my neck, that couldn’t take it. He doesn’t realise how he cares and protects me. It’s instinct.
“I’ve never felt like this before,” he says. “I haven’twantedanyone, or anything. I didn’t care about the power and money of this job, or anyone, but now I can’t breathe withoutyou. I can’t risk that turning into the sort of love that Bradford hadfor Natalia. He loved her, but he hurt her. And in the end…” He trails off sadly.
“He didn’t love her, Lucas.”
He’s silent, then shakes his head.
“What if I’m like him?” he whispers, agonised.
“You’re not.”
“I’m obsessed with you, I want to consume you.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me.” I’m certain of that.