Page 21 of Kiln Me Softly

A smile that was quick to leave her face at his terrible joke.

She hadn’t realised she’d been smiling, and she didn’t intend to do it again.

Not in front of Chris, and not in front of anyone.

She didn’t want people thinking it was all for Aiden.

It certainly wasn’t. Even if she had spilled the beans to Tilly because she was terrible at keeping secrets and some orgasms simply had to be discussed with friends.

‘Well, I’m happy with my work,’ she grumbled. ‘Can you let me in before I drop it?’

She budged aside and he unlocked the classroom before motioning her in.

‘Is it a tree?’ he asked as she set it down on her desk. It brought her joy to see just a hint of approval on his face.

‘The tree of life,’ Juniper said. ‘And a jewellery holder.’

‘Not bad at all, Juniper.’ He nodded. ‘Let’s just hope it holds up during the glazing.’

Juniper froze. Had he just called her by her real name instead of a planet?

She didn’t want to jinx it, but she could only assume that she’d earned at least a modicum of his respect. It was difficult to keep from doing a happy dance when his back was turned, but more classmates were already filing in, and she was working on not smiling now.

She tried not to look towards the door, because she was also absolutely not eager to see Aiden.

A few classmates complimented her, some eager to show off their own pieces.

Luc had made a kitchen set to keep herbs and spices inside, the square pots smooth and sleek even without a glaze.

As Tilly arrived, she revealed a yarn storage bowl that had turned out lovely.

By the time Aiden showed up, Chris was already delivering another lesson on glazing, running through the different methods, some of which Juniper had already tried either with her jewellery or the classes she’d paid for.

She tried to listen closely nonetheless, but her eyes kept getting pulled to the work in Aiden’s hands.

He’d made the paint palette she’d come up with, along with holders and cups for water and brushes.

It was almost annoying how good it looked, and she felt some of that familiar resentment rising to the surface again.

She’d been wrong before about him trying.

He coasted through life, but not through pottery, every detail of his work painstakingly thought out.

‘Couldn’t you have made just one mistake?’ she whispered. ‘It isn’t fair that you do a decent job of everything.’

‘That was almost a compliment,’ he remarked as he took his seat, and then waggled his fingers. ‘What can I say? I’m good with my hands. But you already know that, don’t you, Juni?’

She glared and pretended to be more interested in Chris’s teaching, though her body reacted as it always did, worse now since they’d had sex on this very table.

It hadn’t been the last time, either. Last night, he’d touched her in a quiet corner of the library, his shushes vibrating against her neck and his fingers rubbing her clit.

The memories felt like someone else’s. She’d never been very adventurous before, not unless the other person initiated it, and usually she was far too worried about being caught to enjoy it.

But with him, she got lost. Nothing else mattered bar his throaty little whispers and the heat between her legs.

At their interaction, Tilly’s brows danced. Since she’d yet to find an eligible woman on campus, she claimed to be living vicariously through Juni.

Finally, Chris left them to explore the oxides and paints left out at the front of the classroom.

Juniper already knew exactly what she wanted.

Each branch would represent a different Norse realm with patterns and colours to signify the landscape, and the trunk would be a rough, textured bark in browns and coppers.

The plate, sectioned by the tree’s roots, would be painted in celestial blues and golds to form the cosmos.

So, collecting her colours, Juniper got comfortable on her stool and began working – very, very carefully. Her chronic clumsiness was always a worry, so she didn’t dare lose concentration on her paintbrush.

Or, at least not all of it. Tilly soon began chatting, seeming well-practised in this part of the process.

She had chosen a pomegranate-coloured powdered glaze that she was currently sieving into a bowl.

‘So. How are you two getting on with the project? When you think about it, it isn’t long until the research paper has to be submitted, and then it’s exhibition time! ’

Juniper remained quiet, letting Aiden reply.

He scratched his head with the end of his pencil. ‘It’s going surprisingly well. We’ve got our research planned out, and some of our pieces are coming together.’

‘Hmm, not the only things coming together, I’ve heard.’ Tilly gave a suggestive wink, and behind Juniper, Luc stifled a laugh.

Juniper hushed her as Aiden turned to glance at her in surprise. ‘Are we that obvious, or are you telling people?’

‘Both,’ Tilly said.

‘I’m not telling people ,’ Juniper corrected, planting her paintbrush on the paper towel beside her.

‘Just person. One.’ When his grin turned more shit-eating than ever, she added, ‘And don’t think it means something, because it doesn’t.

Friends tell each other things. You wouldn’t know because you don’t have any. ’

‘I have Luc.’

‘Well, we’re friends of convenience,’ Luc said. ‘But, yes, he did tell me, too.’

It shouldn’t have meant anything. It didn’t mean anything.

But the rising swell in Juniper’s chest begged to differ.

She didn’t know if it was gladness or panic.

Both, probably. She was sure that she was one of many sexual conquests for Aiden, a fact she’d tried not to think too hard about, but clearly she was still worth talking about.

‘I just hope you cleaned the desk,’ Tilly muttered in the quiet.

Juniper blazed with embarrassment, made worse when Luc gasped. ‘You did it on the desk ? Gross. You didn’t tell me that!’

‘Shh!’ Aiden and Juniper hissed at the same time.

‘We were perfectly sanitary,’ said Juni.

Another reason she preferred private sexual encounters, but those would mean either inviting Aiden to her tiny room or going to his fancy flat, and neither of those felt appealing.

Too intimate, and far too contrasting to one another.

‘And we’re not talking about this anymore. ’

Aiden adjusted the collar of his flannel shirt and cleared his throat. ‘Anyway, what about you, Tilly? Making progress with Owen?’

‘A little. I think we’re going to visit some museums for inspiration this weekend. Hey, you two should tag along!’

Juniper perked up. She liked the sound of a few extra people joining them this Sunday, both because it meant avoiding her chemistry with Aiden and spending more time with Tilly, who she truly was beginning to adore.

She was much more understanding than Juniper’s old friends when it came to Juniper’s struggles, whether it was money or mood swings, and if Juniper was exhausted after a shift, she didn’t feel obligated to talk in her company while they curled up with Cerberus to watch rom-coms.

She’d worried so much about being alone here, but she wasn’t at all.

In fact, she was less alone than she had been in a long time.

Maybe even ever. It had been difficult to keep up with people back in Manchester.

They’d never got her ‘weirder’ parts – her ability to always say the wrong thing and show up to plans at the wrong time.

She hadn’t dared open up about having ADHD and how, sometimes, it disabled her, afraid it would only divide them more.

And then, when she’d started working, she’d been too burned out to even care about maintaining friendships, with the exception of her then colleague, now ex, the relationship of which had been brief and full of red flags.

‘I’m working until two-thirty on Sunday, but we were actually going to head to the myths and legends exhibition at the British Museum afterwards. You should come! You too, Luc!’

‘As a fifth wheel? No, thank you.’ Luc slipped a chewing gum into their mouth. ‘Besides, Amir and I are focusing on our two different cultures and their geography, so we’ve already been there, done that, got the feet blisters.’

‘Well, if you change your mind, the invitation’s there.’ Truthfully, Juniper appreciated Luc’s honesty. They weren’t all that different to her, never caught appeasing someone with politeness just for the sake of it. If they didn’t want to come, why should they pretend otherwise?

‘I can’t wait.’ Tilly clapped her hands excitedly. Then, quieter, ‘Me and Owen don’t exactly have a lot in common, so I could use the buffer, honestly.’

‘Well, I’ve got you.’ Juniper smiled and headed back to her work, only then noticing that Aiden hadn’t said a word as they’d been planning.

When he headed to the glaze station, she shuffled along to follow him, feigning interest in the spray guns. Meanwhile, he grabbed some colours for his palette, though he looked a bit lost amid all the different choices.

‘Can’t bear to be without me now, Hodge?’ he quipped after a few awkward moments of silence.

‘The opposite, actually, but you’re acting all weird.’

His brows furrowed, and she couldn’t tell if it was at the instructions for the oxides or her. ‘No, I’m not. I just don’t think I’ve grasped all this chemical stuff yet, and I haven’t decided where to start with it all.’

‘Well, I can help you with that. But I mean about the museum trip.’

‘Oh.’ His hands moved closer to hers on the table, pinkie fingers brushing barely enough to feel it.

But she did, because it was him, and for whatever reason, her body had decided it liked him even when her brain didn’t.

Goosebumps skittered down her arms, and she found herself wishing it would just be the two of them again, throwing together in the darkness.

‘Well, I’m not weird about that either.’

‘Okay.’ Juniper shrugged, though she still wasn’t convinced. She plucked up a piece of gold leaf that she hadn’t noticed before, thinking it would make a lovely effect on the tree’s bark.

‘Need me to inspire you again?’ She nudged him lightly.

Strangely, his grin didn’t trigger her usual annoyance. Instead, she noticed how pretty the shape of his lips were when they weren’t pursed, and how his bottom front teeth faced away from each other just slightly. ‘I’ll never say no to that.’

‘It can be arranged.’ She gathered a few of the glaze powders, including a copper that she imagined would fire to make the same green as his eyes.

‘This would be a nice colour mix for your palette. Just make sure to look at the labels instead of the colours, because they change when they’re fired.

You just do what Tilly’s doing: mix and sieve. ’

‘Okay. Thank you.’ He seemed taken aback by the advice. Because he was surprised she knew things, or surprised she was being nice?

Not daring to decide, she made to head back to her desk, but he took stopped her with a light hand on hers. ‘I sort of hoped it would just be the two of us on Sunday,’ he admitted, playing with the hem on her bell-sleeved jumper.

‘Oh? Why?’

He shrugged. ‘Maybe I’m selfish and want you all to myself.’

Her mouth turned dry at that. When she looked up at him, she expected his usual taunting expression or sultry smoulder, but instead, his forehead was still creased – as though having company genuinely bothered him.

She tried to lighten the mood. ‘You don’t think you’ve had more than enough of me for one week?’

He licked his lips, gaze fixed on hers. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you, sweetheart.’

Sweetheart . He wasn’t supposed to call her that, not here, and yet her knees weakened at the sound of it in his husky throat.

Still, it didn’t sit right. With the class moving around them, she stepped back.

She’d been in relationships before where she’d had to sacrifice every minute of the day for the other person, and there was no way Aiden could expect any more from her than she was already giving.

She occupied her brain enough as it was. ‘I don’t do possessiveness, Whittaker.’

‘It isn’t about possessiveness.’ Concern tugged at his words, and a sincerity that she was still getting used to hearing from anyone, let alone him.

She couldn’t remember him being so honest, so genuine, in high school.

What if she’d remembered him wrong? Mashed the memories of his cat-calling mates with him?

It didn’t matter. She remembered the other thing perfectly. Remembered how it had felt to walk out of Elmington already knowing the rejection letter was on its way.

‘I just think you let me closer to you when no one else is around,’ Aiden continued. He checked nobody was looking, then tugged her closer, her hip knocking against his. ‘I’ve noticed that guard of yours doesn’t only come up for me, y’know.’

That wasn’t true. Was it?

Maybe. She was still learning to unmask, and whenever her true self slipped out, all bluntness and wit, not everybody seemed to like it.

With Tilly, it was different, but in a room full of people, there was a constant pressure sitting just under her skin.

Like she was always waiting to feel as small as she had in high school, as small as her parents sometimes made her feel.

It didn’t stop her from saying the wrong things, but it did leave her protecting herself with dry wit and ‘cheek’, as her mother would call it.

She’d enjoyed being vulnerable with him a few nights ago, but now, she only felt raw.

She took a step back, wondering if maybe she’d made a mistake with this.

Just sex didn’t ever really exist, did it?

The lines between physical and emotional intimacy always crossed, and if she did have a guard up, he seemed to have invaded it easier than she would have liked.

‘You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,’ she said finally, tersely.

He weighed her up for a moment, none of his usual amusement evident. ‘I thought I’d made it obvious, Juni. I always want to come with you.’

She didn’t know whether he was trying to be funny or not, his tone wispy and unsure.

‘For the project,’ she said, less of a question than a demand.

He nodded slowly. ‘Of course. What else?’

There . She could relax.

Only she didn’t, not even when she got back to her stool and began to paint again.

Strange how one person could make her feel both safe yet in a war zone.

She supposed it meant that Aiden was who he’d always been: perfectly infuriating and better avoided.

If only Juniper was good at following her own instincts.