Page 35 of Killer Notes

“Are you done?”

“Yes. Sorry.” I cover my mouth.

Tobias lets out an exasperated breath. “What I’m trying to say is that we can’t be together. It’s not professional. I have never and never will cross that line. Do you get me?”

God, I’m beginning to hate it when Tobias says those words.

“Alright. You’re gay, I’m gay, and even though we’re attracted to each other, we can’t do anything about it. Ever. Did I get it all?” I ask with finality. But my heart hurts from speaking those words out loud.

“Yes,” he says slowly.

“What else?” I ask with some composure.

His eyebrows furrow, like he’s ready to take on a battle I have no plans of fighting.

Before he opens his mouth, I jump in. “You can ask me whatever while I’m making a sandwich. I’m kind of hungry and I haven’t eaten since yesterday and—Want one?” I don’t wait for his response and go the counter and begin making my food.

Tobias walks over to me, tension in his gait, but I ignore it and ask, “Ham?”

“Sure,” he says, but I can see that he wants to talk.

I make his plate, toss a slice of ham to Saint, and then fix mine. Taking a seat on a stool, I bite into my sandwich, eyes on him, and wait for Tobias to talk.

“I tell you we’re attracted to each other and you take it as a simple fact and then ask me if I want a sandwich.” He’s staring at me with such intent that I feel like a pinned bug under a magnifying glass.

I stop mid-point from biting into my food and look at my bodyguard. “What did you expect me to do, rant or rage over it? You said we can’t. I know nothing will come out of our attraction. So why push. Or am I missing something?”

“No.” The hard but assured tone of that single word cuts, but only for a nano second before I shove those feelings way down into the dark recesses of my heart.

What Tobias isn’t getting, and I’m not about to tell him, is that his confession has me gut punched. No. He doesn’t need to know how I feel.

“Okay?” I say calmly, then I bite and chew.

“Tell me about Siles.” Tobias pulls out the other stool from under the island counter and sits.

I gulp down the food in my mouth. “Just one question before I explain.”

“What is it?”

“How did you find out about Siles and me?”

“John.”

“How did he find out?” That familiar knot at the base of my throat tightens.

“Drunk Connor.”

In for a pound, as they say. By the way, whoever made up that saying has no clue what I’m going through. And wait until I get my hands on my best friend; revenge will be sweet.

I suck some much needed air into my lungs and start at the beginning. “We went to school with Siles. From fourth grade on through high school. Even back then, Siles was a cocky son of a bitch. But back then, I thought the way he acted was attractive. Nonetheless, what I thought was his alpha male tendency was nothing but bullying and abuse.”

“How long were you two together?” he asks between bites.

“I started dating him in the beginning of our senior year, up to about five years ago.” My stomach is drawn tight like a new bow. After another soft rumble from my gut, I pick up my sandwich and take a small bite.

“How did he react to you breaking it off?” Tobias asks. He gets up and heads to the fridge for two bottles of water.

I accept the cold bottle, crack it open and chug some of the dryness away. “I didn’t.”