Page 66 of Keeping Her Under

His voice is weary. “I know.”

“I might heal better if they were all dead.”

“You might.” He looks at me. “But she might not, and we’re talking about her, aren’t we?”

I close my mouth and nod.

“She might want to kill you herself. Did you ever think of that? No? Of course not. Because you’re being a selfish prick, only trying to absolve yourself of your own guilt.”

Like writing her a letter…

I close my eyes on a silent scream. My soul feels so goddamn raw. Tearing apart my chest. My head.

Too many truths have come out tonight.

The raping of me.

My raping of her.

I told myself I’d never be like my mom when it came to those I love. But I was so caught up in my own trauma, I couldn’t see the very trauma I was causing.

I should’ve never let it fester inside of me. By refusing to work through it, I ended up letting it control me. And now it’s hurt her. I need to cut it out. Just like I promised her I would.

“Fine,” I say wearily but strongly. “I’ll wait for her to decide. But if she wants to kill me, you better sharpen the knife for her.”

“Rath –”

“Stop moving the fucking goalpost!” I snap.

“You’re the goal, asshole.”

“Well, this is what I want. You keep saying you owe me – this is how you pay it.”

“Fuck you.” He breathes out harshly. Slams his fist into the back of the front seat. “Fine,” he finally says. “But I’m killing myself right after.”

“Ash –”

“You think it’s good enough for you, so you don’t get to say a word.”

“I need you to take care of her in my absence.”

“Nope. I only owe you once. So if you want her to be cared for, then you better do your damndest to stick around.”

“What if she wants me dead?”

“Then you fucking grovel for all you’re worth.” He shrugs. “Or don’t and leave her uncared for. I don’t care.”

I grit my teeth, hating him so fucking much right now.

But I know how stubborn he is. If I’m dead, he will leave her like he’s promised.

“Fuck you,” I growl.

He relaxes, hearing the defeat in my tone.

Wrapping one arm around my shoulders, Asher pulls me against him. “Aw, I knew you would come around on the incest stuff eventually.”

“Ew. Fuck –” I swallow the ‘you’ as I shove him away.