Page 36 of Just Another Meet Cute

Two unread texts. One from Ryan and the other from Ian.

I glanced over at my phone for what felt like the hundredth time, but I couldn’t bring myself to read the messages. Or even open them. Not because of what they would say, but because I didn’t know whose text I should read first. Who I would answer first.

It seemed like such a simple thing, but right now it felt like the hardest thing in the world to decide. I don’t know why it was so important, but it was.

“I don’t think I’ll ever eat pork again.” Linh sniffed her fingers and grimaced.

“Seriously, same here.”

“Okay, tell me the truth. Between Ryan and Ian, who is the better kisser?” she asked as she pulled a giant T-shirt over her head. Her fingers yanked the hem down until it fell around her knees. The shirt had a giant smiley face on the front that was identical to the one on her face.

Startled, I almost spat out the toothpaste all over the bathroom counter. “What are you talking about? I haven’t kissed Ian yet!”

Hearing the word yet , she pounced on it like a lion spotting its prey. “But you want to, don’t you? I can tell that you like both of them.”

“I don’t.” But even I could hear that the words sounded unconvincing. Like something was caught in my throat. I waved my foamy toothbrush at her like a sword. “Seriously, I don’t! That’s just crazy.”

“Okay, fine.” She shrugged delicately as she pulled the towel off her head. Her damp hair fell over her shoulders in a tangled mess. “I was going to suggest making a list to help figure out who’s better for you. But if you’re not interested …”

“I’m not.”

Staying silent, Linh gave me a tiny smile as she brushed her hair. Slowly and meticulously, as though getting every little tangle and bump out was the most important thing in the world to her right now.

Finally, after I finished brushing and rinsed out my mouth, I turned toward her. “But if I did make a list, I wonder who would be in the lead?”

That was all the encouragement she needed. Tossing aside the hairbrush with such force that it should have left a dent in the wall, Linh rummaged through one of the drawers. She pulled out a box of cotton swabs. “There’s no use in wondering. Let’s find out!”

“What are those for?”

“We have to keep points somehow.” She laid them out on the counter in front of us and patted on either side of the sink. “Ryan’s side will be in front of you, and Ian’s side will be in front of me.”

“Okay.” I picked up a cotton swab and placed it in front of me. “Ryan is super sweet. And I guess they both get a point for being handsome. Can’t say one is cuter than the other since they’re twins.”

Linh nodded and put a cotton swab on each side. A mischievous grin crossed her face. “Although, if we’re going to be technical, I think Ryan should get an extra point for all his swoony muscles.”

“Linh!”

“Are you going to pretend like you haven’t noticed them? I’ve seen you hold on to his arms more than once.”

My mouth opened and closed, but since she was right, I gave Ryan an extra point.

“Who has a better personality?”

“Ryan.” She started to put one down on his side, when I held up a hand to stop her. “But I do like to talk to Ian. When we’re not fighting, we actually get along really well …”

“Then Ryan gets one for being nicer, but Ian has more of a connection.” She dropped one on each side and tapped on her chin. “What else? Ryan can cook.”

“So can Ian. I mean, that’s what he told me. And he’s referenced Top Chef at least twice, so he probably watches that show.”

“Oh, he obviously has good taste then. Okay, then that one should go to Ian.”

“Ryan should get an extra one because he likes me, while Ian …” I broke off and shook my head. “I don’t know how he feels about me.”

Linh nodded and slid a swab onto Ryan’s pile. “Then Ryan should get one for being honest about his feelings. He’s straightforward. It sure makes things easier.”

“Definitely.”

“We don’t even need to count up the points. It’s obvious that Ryan wins.” She glanced over at me. “Are you okay with that?”

I glanced back and forth at the two piles. She was right. It was clear who the winner was. “That’s pretty much what I expected anyway. Ryan is an awesome guy.”

But then so was Ian. It was hard to compare the two.

On paper, Ryan was so much better. But sometimes things weren’t as clear-cut, and it couldn’t be sorted out on a list. Did Ian get an extra point because he seemed to know me better?

But I’d only started to open up to Ryan, and he was just as easy to talk to.

And Ian was super sarcastic, but sometimes that wasn’t such a bad thing.

The more I stared at the cotton swabs, the more confused I became. It was like two parts of me wanted different things, different people.

“I don’t know. I just … don’t.”

Linh gave me a sympatric smile and patted my shoulder. “If you don’t know, then I think that might be your answer. It doesn’t matter who has the most swabs if you don’t even care.”

It made sense, but that wasn’t the answer I wanted.

“You forgot about Megan,” I said with a sigh.

“Uh, is she a point for or against Ian?” She picked up another swab.

“She’s someone who could wipe out all his points.

” At the blank look on her face, I took the cotton swab out of her hand.

“Hypothetically, what if what I want is already taken by someone else?” I reached out and moved Ian’s pile out of the way.

Almost out of my reach. “Or worse, it’s waiting for that someone else, and I’d be a mistake along the way. And then I’m left behind in the end.”

“Okay, first of all, you think way too much. And second, instead of thinking of all these hypotheticals and what-ifs, why don’t you just go ahead and ask him?” Linh crossed her arms and leaned against the back of the door so I couldn’t escape.

With a sigh, I gathered up all the cotton swabs and shoved them back into the box. “Do you ever wonder if our parents’ failed relationships screwed up our own love lives?”

“You mean, if I’m traumatized by my dad ditching us?”

“Kind of.”

“Nope, not at all, because I would never fall in love with someone like my dad.” She shrugged.

“I love my mom, but he sucked. No, sucks, present tense, because I know he’s still a bad person somewhere in the world.

And technically, your parents didn’t have a failed marriage. They’re trying to make it work now.”

“Considering everything that happened, I don’t know if we could count it as a successful one. Love shouldn’t be that hard,” I said with a frown.

“There’s no rule on how love should be.” Linh tilted her head to left and pursed her lips together. “But you would prefer the easier route.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just that you’ve always been that way with relationships. When there are problems or a chance of you getting hurt, you back out. You’re not a risk-taker. Then again, I don’t know if you’ve ever actually been in love.”

“That’s not true—”

Her eyebrows rose. “Oh, really? Think of your exes. Did you love any of them? Been truly heartbroken when it didn’t work out?”

There was her blunt honesty again.

Maybe it was true that I’d never actually been in love. I was sad whenever I broke up with someone—especially that one time I was dumped. But I always got over it. And honestly, after a few weeks, I never really thought about them again.

“You’ve never been heartbroken either,” I pointed out lamely.

“That’s because I’ve never been in love.

Believe me, when I do, I’m going all in.

Risks and heartbreak and all. Nothing is going to stop me.

” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “But everyone is different. There’s nothing wrong with the easy route.

If it makes you happy, then do it. Just don’t settle for something just because you don’t want to get hurt.

That’s not fair for anyone. Remember, live for nothing or die for something. ”

I know she was expecting me to agree with her, but I couldn’t.

There’s no denying that my parents were very happy and in love now . Anyone could see that. Even though Aunt Sarah hated Dad, she knew how much Mom loved him. But I also saw everything that she went through, and I wasn’t sure if it was worth it. Especially when it could all disappear again.

Yet now I couldn’t help wondering if maybe it was. Maybe it just depended on who it was all for. Live for nothing or die for something.

I wished there was a third option.