Page 7

Chapter Seven

Remi

Juno: Oh, okay.

I’d fucked up. Why had I backpedaled? I’d been so nervous he was gearing up to reject the weirdo that ran from him, that when he took too long to answer I shot down the payment thing, joking about it not being a date so he wouldn’t reject me. But I’d ended up rejecting him instead. Fuck, he’d been okay with going on a date with me. Before I fucked everything up.

I flung myself dramatically down on my bed, feeling like the biggest idiot ever. I could fix this! I would fix this! I had no idea what was up with my feelings towards Juno, but I knew I wanted to date him. Feeling determined, I quickly typed out a new text.

Remi: Unless you want it to be a date?

Knowing he took forever to reply, I forced myself not to take the words back this time. A ding came a few seconds later.

Juno: Yes, please.

The smile I had on my face almost hurt my cheeks. I didn’t even care that Derek eyed me warily from his computer. I was glad the date wasn’t until tomorrow, since I felt like I needed to truly let my feelings sink in. I was attracted to a man. A blonde, blue eyed man. A beautiful man. And what I’d first thought was attraction to others, wasn’t attraction at all, maybe more like an appreciation for their beauty? No matter, I now knew that wasn’t attraction. This, though, what I felt for Juno, was real attraction. And I wasn’t going to let him slip through my fingers. Something told me I needed him, and I wasn’t going to let logic ruin that for me.

Quickly remembering to answer Juno I typed out what I hoped was a flirty response. I still had to earn a lot of points to make up for running away.

Remi: Looking forward to seeing you again.

Was that fine? Too much? Too formal? I sucked at texting, not seeing the other person was tricky for me. I much preferred speaking to people in person to feel their presence as we conversed, this made me second-guess every word.

Juno: Me too, beautiful.

A choked whimper escaped me. How could the word beautiful affect me so much? I felt the word all the way to my toes and back again, my dick hardening just from those few written words. I really needed a breather to prepare myself for tomorrow. I couldn’t get hard just from hearing his voice, that would be mortifying.

Another ding from my phone alerted me I had an email. I quickly checked it and immediately felt my dick deflate and my face paling. Mr. Trent. I opened the email, fearing I was out of luck and that he’d finally failed me, but to my surprise he’d given me what appeared to be one last chance. I had an assignment with a new student, a paper we would write together outside of class that would make up for my, in his words, “lacking performance”. I was okay with that, more than okay! I wasn’t letting this chance go to waste, whoever this new student was, he or she would get the perfect partner to work with.

Sitting down on my bed, no longer wanting to flee from Derek, I read through the assignment and took screenshots of what we needed to do. We had a month before the assignment was due and he only needed it sent to his email, not printed which helped immensely with the deadline too. He’d invited my partner and me to a meeting tomorrow to go over the details and introduce us. I only had one class tomorrow after work so that suited me just fine. I just had to make a good impression on the new student. Then after the meeting I would get ready for my date with Juno.

I dried off my still damp body as I looked over my clothing choices for the day. If Juno saw me before our date I didn’t want to look like a slob, and I also didn’t want him to see that I’d changed for our date. What if he thought that was putting too much effort into a dinner date? Casual dinner date? I hated this. I’d never been this nervous about how I looked. Why did I care so much about what Juno thought of me? Was it just because he was the only one I’d ever been truly attracted to? Or was it just because it was Juno? Since my brain couldn’t answer those questions, I let it slide and picked a light blue hoodie. Why? Because it was the cleanest thing I owned.

Derek was snoring softly while I admired myself in our mirror. Thinking of Juno admiring my looks sent a flutter of excitement through me. I would have to skip breakfast; no way was I going to keep my food down with these damn butterflies occupying the space.

I left poor Derek to sleep peacefully; he’d had a terrible nightmare that had woken both of us up at two a.m. I’d hastily tugged off my t-shirt and thrown it at him, a desperate solution I hoped would help, and it had. He’d picked it up and breathed it in like his soul needed it. Still creepy but I found myself less bothered by it now that we’d spoken more. I couldn’t judge him for his ways of self-soothing. I didn’t have nightmares like he did, never had. Whatever demons he dealt with were his own, and like hell was I going to continue to judge him on what helped.

I made it to work five minutes early and had an uneventful morning shift. My thoughts had wandered to Juno so many times I actually had no idea how I managed to work through it. I’d only seen the man once and texted him a tiny bit. How was I such a mess? Maybe I should text Jason before class? He was gay so maybe he understood? He’d had his own awakening when he saw a former exchange student and had been out and proud ever since, even with the exchange student going back to his country and leaving Jason heartbroken.

I left work feeling determined to ask Jason a few questions before class started, sending him a text to meet up with me earlier than usual. I found Jason waiting for me outside of Mrs. Lousen’s class. It was the only other class we shared, aside from Mr. Trent’s. “Hey, man,” Jason greeted with a warm smile. “Did you remember to study this time?”

Study? Fuck!

“The test,” I whispered, looking off into the distance like my life was a movie and this was the final test and I’d failed.

Jason winced. “You forgot.” I nodded, he already knew but I figured I owed him at least a nod.

“I’m so messed up lately,” I admitted, more to myself than to Jason.

“This guy you mentioned in your text, is it because of him?” He asked in a tentative way, prodding for answers without raising my defenses.

“I only met him yesterday. Can’t really blame it on him.” I’d only texted Jason that I needed his advice on a guy I was interested in, coming out to him over text wasn’t even something I’d thought about, I’d just needed his advice and for him to understand the situation.

“Hmm,” was all he said, looking me up and down. “Why are you wearing your blue hoodie?”

I looked down at myself, regretting all my life choices. Why hadn’t I studied fashion more? What color would even make my green eyes pop?

Without thinking I answered truthfully. “Because his eyes are the same shade.” I felt my cheeks heat as Jason’s eyes widened in shock. It wasn’t until I’d spoken the words that I realized it was the truth. I picked this one, not because it was clean, but because it reminded me of Juno’s eyes.

“Man…. I need to see this dude!” he looked around like Juno was hiding out of sight somewhere close. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms protectively over my chest.

“I told you I needed your help,” I reminded him, hoping this would make me seem less insane. It had to act a bit in my favor to show I knew I was acting strange, right?

Jason shook his head. “I doubt I can help you, Remi. I mean, it’s adorable as fuck that you matched your outfit to his eyes, but maybe he’ll find that less adorable and more…”

“Creepy?” I finished for him.

He nodded, “Yep, creepy. You can still wear it; light colors just aren’t your normal thing. I don’t want you changing because of some guy.” I smiled at that. Jason truly was a good friend. I would need to make more time for him, not that he ever asked that of me. He knew I was busy and never made me feel bad about not making our friendship a priority. Maybe that was why I’d failed to spend more time with him lately. Instead, I’d spent it in the library, with Hayley, or my parents. And since my parents made me feel like shit, and now that Hayley and I were over, I figured Jason and I could spend more time together now, even if things with Juno worked out.

“I think I’ll wear my normal colors tomorrow,” I replied with a smile. “Did you hear from Hayley?” They were friends too, not as close as me and Jason, but they attended the same parties and social circles.

“Yeah, she and Camille came by the café yesterday, told me all about your break-up.” I nodded, feeling guilty I hadn’t told him myself.

“Did she seem fine?” I asked, knowing she was, but also not wanting to look like a jerk talking about a guy I liked the day after ending a one-year relationship.

He grinned. “She’s allegedly seeing Wren now; I think that’s her way of showing she’s fine and ready to move on.” I nodded, happy that Hayley’s crush was returned. It wasn’t too surprising, since Hayley was a beautiful woman, inside and out. Whatever had soured her towards me was likely coming from our lack of intimacy. I’d had some time to think things through and I believed the reason she sided with my parents and took less interest in my ideas was simply her way of fighting me back because I wasn’t giving her what she needed.

“You don’t seem too broken up about it either,” Jason pressed with a raised eyebrow. He lived for gossip and honestly, I did too sometimes.

“I’m not,” I decided to answer honestly. “We are better as friends. And it seems we both have someone else on our minds, which I like for us.” I appreciated that he didn’t focus on the fact that I was into a guy, not that I thought he would, but this just further proved that confiding in him was the right choice.

“True. I can appreciate healthy honesty. She seemed genuinely okay and neither of them spoke ill of you, so good for you guys.” Before I could snort in response, the doors opened and Mrs. Lousen came into view, letting us trail in one after the other.

When we sat, Jason bumped my shoulder lightly. “And you’re sure this guy likes you back?”

Feeling myself blush I admitted, “He called me beautiful.”

Jason’s smile widened with glee. “Beautiful, huh?” he grinned. “But seeing as he’s the first guy you’ve liked, I would take things slow at first. You might not find it too pleasurable if you just… jump into things.” I felt the heat in my cheeks spread to my neck. And now I was thinking of said things. With Juno. My dick perked up and I had to mentally let the images of Juno go and focus on our professor who looked bored as always with her grey hair done perfectly and her cat pin firmly attached to secure her cardigan in place on her chest.

I could take things easy with Juno. It wasn’t as though I was actually going to sleep with him tonight. I hoped for a kiss, but even just that was enough to cause the butterflies to stir to life again. Sex could definitely wait. I felt like just holding his hand would fuel me with more pleasure than anything else I’d ever experienced before.

Friends. Easy.

It didn’t hurt too much that I’d failed to study, lucky me. She had us do a surprise test, which wasn’t truly a surprise anymore since she did it once every two months on the same week day. Like we were too stupid to figure out she’d made a schedule of it and it wasn’t just a “surprise” anymore. I had enough knowledge on the subject to pass the test and since I was fine with just passing, I let my mind focus on the next part of my day. The meeting with Mr. Trent.

I was sitting outside his office and waiting for him to let me in. The other student hadn’t shown up yet and I feared they would be late. I couldn’t really blame them since I was here because I was late for class too often. But I needed them to help me out or I would fail this class, so they’d better hurry up!

The door opened and my breath caught. Mr. Trent was smiling. Smiling! I was too stunned by the sheer happiness that beamed out of him that I didn’t even stand up, just continued to stare at him like a creep.

“Remi?” a beautiful voice spoke behind Mr. Trent. Juno? Blinking out of whatever spell Mr. Trent’s smile caused, I saw Juno smiling behind him. Was he the reason Mr. Trent had been so happy? My stomach coiled around itself and the horrible feeling was jealousy. What was he doing there? And why did they seem so… friendly ? Mr. Trent was in his thirties and was a good-looking man, so of course Juno would find him attractive.

Looking down at the floor to hide my glassy eyes and paling face, I stood and moved inside the office. When Juno sat down on the chair next to me, I finally looked up at him and met his worried gaze. He was definitely rethinking our date later. Maybe he would date Mr. Trent instead.

“I called you both here to go over your assignment,” Mr. Trent said as he sat down in his chair, opening his laptop and reading a few lines for us. “The top of your assignment says you need a subject you both find interesting, and I’ve decided I don’t need to approve what you choose, simply pick something you both would love to learn more about. Then, you need to add sources of your information, and not just this book and that website , I need the page and full quote, plus edition if it’s a book and date from the website.”

I spaced out after that. Juno was my assigned partner and whatever I saw between them made me want to disappear. I had looked forward to the date, not seeing this meeting as anything other than a meeting, but now? I felt like a joke, I felt dirty, and honestly? I really felt like crying. My whole body had been through so many foreign feelings ever since I met Juno and each of them had been strong, even the bad ones I felt right now. I’d never felt so sick to my stomach with jealousy before. I just had to survive this meeting and then I would flee to find a space to cry.