Page 5

Chapter Five

Remi

Holy shit! There I was, joking and laughing with Jason when this weird tugging in my heart started, forcing my body to turn around, and when I did, that’s when I saw… him.

The man with the blonde hair and light blue eyes.

The man who made me lose my breath.

The man who awakened something inside of me.

He’d walked up to me, smiling so brightly, like he was happy to see me. Why? Who was he? And why did I run away like a scared puppy?

He’d called me beautiful. I almost whimpered when the words flew out of his perfect lips. I’d never been called beautiful before. The forced back whimper was what had me escaping the hall as fast as possible. I was with Hayley. I couldn’t just stand there whimpering and offering myself up to a complete stranger. A stranger I was ready to tackle to the ground and hump. It was maddening! I’d never felt this need to have someone. To touch someone. Not even Hayley. Sex and kissing weren’t something I was interested in. Hayley again, respected I didn’t have the same sexual need as others. I’d been perfectly honest about it when we started dating. So why did a stranger unleash something so foreign in me? And why was I aching to be near him again?

I’d planned to see Hayley today, to break up with her on good terms, but even though I was emotionally and mentally over Hayley, I still felt like a cheater over my feelings towards a man I’d just met.

That’s why I’d run. I was ready to jump the blonde stranger. Had I stayed I would’ve done something I couldn’t take back, and Hayley didn’t deserve that. Neither did I honestly. I didn’t want to be a cheater. So, I’d run to save myself. From myself.

Tall and handsome would have to wait until I’d spoken with Hayley. I just needed to figure out who he was, then I would approach him and hopefully stay put.

But first, Hayley.

I had no idea if Hayley would be home or not. Having slept in my dorm for the first time in months, I no longer knew her whereabouts like I usually did. She’d been drunk the night before and I knew she’d been pissed when I left. I mentally prepared myself as I opened the door to her apartment.

To call the apartment a mess would be an understatement. Hell, there was fucking gravel in the hallway. How?! I was glad I didn’t have to clean anything up but also felt guilty over leaving Hayley when I knew she would have a banging hangover.

I found her in the bedroom. She was wearing a towel while finding her outfit for the day. I leaned against the doorframe and knocked gently to get her attention.

She whirled around and gave me a soft smile. “I’m so sorry about yesterday!” she rushed out, quickly grabbing something and pulling it on.

“It’s okay,” I assured her, sitting down on the bed as she pushed her legs through her favorite jeans. “You’re allowed to have fun with your friends.” She smiled at that, seemingly relieved I wasn’t mad. “But we do need to talk.” Her smile disappeared. Those words never meant anything good, and we both knew it.

“Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. I patted the spot next to me and waited for her to join me. I wanted a serious conversation and I felt with her standing and me sitting it wouldn’t feel like an intimate conversation, and I really wanted this to end well. I still loved her, even if it was only as a friend. She still deserved for me to do this properly.

She sat and I just blurted the words. “I realized yesterday that I wasn’t in love with you anymore.” She blinked at me, her mouth gaping, so I continued. “I still love you, but yesterday it became clear that it wasn’t romantic love, in fact, I don’t think it ever really was like that for me.” I hated admitting that. I knew it would hurt her feelings hearing I might’ve never truly loved her, but I also didn’t want to lie to her. I took her hand in mine and looked at her, truly looked at her. And there was no attraction at all. Nothing at all like I’d found with the handsome stranger.

“I had the same realization,” she admitted softly. I felt my shoulders relax. “I just figured it out two weeks ago. That’s why I started seeing my friends more. I hoped it would help our relationship if I tended to myself a bit more. But it didn’t, it only showed me we weren’t compatible as partners, maybe we never were. But I also knew I didn’t want either of us to change.”

I rubbed her hand with my thumb, showing her I was listening. “I just hope we can go back to being friends,” I told her honestly. “I don’t want to lose you in my life.”

“Me too,” she replied with teary eyes. She took in a deep breath, gearing up to say something else it seemed. “I also have another… confession . I..” she sighed, then continued. “I have a crush on one of my friends. He doesn’t know it yet, and I haven’t cheated on you with him. But my growing feelings for him are also a part of why I know we don’t work anymore. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have fallen for him.”

Her words didn’t hurt. It was actually the opposite, and having her come clean meant I could too. “I met a guy today, at school,” I blurted, feeling vulnerable speaking about him out loud. She looked at me confused but nodded for me to continue. “He made me feel things, Hayley. Things I’ve never felt before. God, Hayley, the man had me so turned on I almost jumped him on sight. That’s not me. That’s never been me.” Her eyes grew comically wide as I continued. “He’s just so beautiful. I don’t think I ever really knew what attraction felt like until today. No offense,” I quickly added.

She grinned. “None taken.” I could tell, though, that my words did sting a bit and why wouldn’t they? She truly deserved someone who would look at her and be attracted to her beauty. “So, you found a guy you could possibly date?” she sounded worried on my behalf. I understood it might take a while for her to get used to me being into a guy and no longer her boyfriend. Hell, even I needed to get used to it. Ten minutes ago, we were dating and now we talked about our crushes on other people. It was a weird day.

“Well, he did call me beautiful,” I admitted, feeling a blush forming on my cheeks.

“Seriously? The first guy you like and he’s gay too? What are the fucking odds?” She teased and bumped her shoulder against mine. “Ask him out! You’re single now and I have my eyes on someone else too. We don’t have to wait with dating others if we’re both okay with it.”

“I agree with you on that. There’s just a tiny issue about me dating him,” I looked away feeling stupid as I revisited the horrible moment where I ran.

“Oh, honey, there are videos for that! And I think books too,” she calmly assured me.

“What?! No not that issue!” I quickly defended myself.

“Hey! I’m not judging! If I was going to ask out a girl I’d want to read up on things too beforehand. There’s no shame in that, Remi.”

I shook my head. “I ran!” I blurted, desperate for a change in topic.

“Ran where?” she asked confused.

I gulped. “Away from him.”

“You did not!”

“Oh, but I did.” I sighed. “He was so beautiful and sexy, I feared I couldn’t control myself. I wasn’t going to do anything that would hurt your feelings, so I ran.”

“Aww, honey. I love that you thought of my feelings, but maybe next time act like a normal person? Besides I’m sure you can move past it. He called you beautiful, right?” I nodded. “So, he’s interested. Did you get his number?”

“Not even his name,” I realized.

“Well, then get your ass back there and find him! Maybe Jason knows him, he seems to know everyone.” She patted my arm and went to put on her makeup.

“I’ll ask him,” I told her and pressed a quick kiss on her cheek before I started packing my things from her apartment. This was likely the weirdest breakup in history, but it was very us. Hayley and I had been friends for so long and it was obvious now we worked better that way. We’d returned to the ease of being supportive friends immediately, and it was clear that we were both relieved. I felt grateful that I still had her in my life and that she had someone else she wanted to pursue. It might seem selfish, but I really wanted the blonde stranger, and knowing she wasn’t hurting helped. I could get to know the man without feeling guilty and having Hayley’s support would be a huge help since she knew me better than anyone.

I shot Jason a quick text and asked if he knew the guy that walked up to us outside of class. OMG! Class! Mr. Trent was so going to dump my ass.

Back outside my dorm room, I prepared myself for Derek to be home. He’d gotten home late last night and I’d pretended to sleep, hoping to stall our inevitable conversation about why I’d been gone for months.

The sound of his keyboard clacking away alerted me he was indeed home. I sighed and walked in, prepared to be a grown up. I had to live here again now, and I didn’t want this weird vibe to continue between us.

“Hi, Derek,” I greeted cheerily. He jumped at my loud and awfully chipper tone.

“Um, hi,” he all but whispered. I needed to work on faking friendly conversations. Noted.

“How’ve you been?” I asked, my voice calmer and less loud this time.

“Um, good?” he replied sounding unsure. I remembered him being shy, but why did he seem afraid? We’d been somewhat friendly until he’d stolen my t-shirt.

“That’s good,” I said lamely, acing this friendship thing. “I’m sorry I sort of moved out and didn’t tell you about it,” I eventually admitted. It was a shitty thing since he’d probably seen me as a friend until that day. Other people would likely just be happy to live without a roommate, but Derek had nightmares pretty often and I couldn’t imagine it was fun waking up from those alone. Then there was the fact that he wouldn’t meet my gaze whenever we passed in the halls, always looking anywhere else but at me. If that didn’t tell me he was hurt, nothing could.

“Oh, so you did move out?” he asked, his eyes all big and innocent.

“Yeah, I lived with my girlfriend, or now ex.” It felt weird talking to him again. I’d forgotten how timid he was.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, looking like he actually meant it. “Are you living here again then?”

I nodded. “I hope you didn’t take it personally that I left.”

“I just assumed I’d done or said something wrong. I tend to do that with people without realizing it.” Just fucking kick me already. I was the bad guy here. Fuck.

“No, no,” I lied easily. It was totally normal stealing other people’s t-shirts and sleeping in them, but saying it was because they smelled like the other person? That was where the line between okay to not fucking okay went!

“Okay,” he smiled. “I’ve missed you.” Damn… we were nearing the line that shouldn’t be crossed again!

“Me too,” I lied, again . Fuck, this was hard.

“Your natural scent calms me,” he continued, dragging his metaphorical feet over my invisible line of what was acceptable behavior and what wasn’t. “My nightmares got worse once your t-shirt lost its scent.” Aaand… he’d officially crossed the line.

“My scent?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” I dared ask.

“I don’t know why,” he shrugged. “It just calls to me and calms me down.”

“Cool,” I replied lamely, not knowing what to fucking say in this situation. “I’ll find you a new one.” What?! Did I just offer him another one of my t-shirts? What was wrong with me?!

“Thank you!” he beamed brighter than I’d ever seen. “Then I might actually get some sleep.” Oh no, his eyes were getting glassy. I wouldn’t do well with tears, I needed out fast.

“I have class!” I blurted and hurried to the door.

“Wait!” he called after me, stopping me halfway through to freedom. “Some guy came looking for you.” He got up from his chair and handed me a Post-it. There was a number on it with the name Juno written underneath. Could it be him ?

“What did he look like?” I asked Derek, no longer itching to leave.

“Blonde hair, blue eyes, leather jacket,” he replied, sitting back down at his desk, not seeing how much those words affected me. I felt a flutter in my stomach. It was him! I was almost shaking with nerves as I added his number to my phone.

I should text him, right? But what did you text someone you ran away from when they called you beautiful? I feared not even Google could help me with that one.

Remi: Hi. So, I just got your number from my roommate. Who am I texting? – Remi

I felt stupid as I sent the text, since he’d written his damn name on the note. Was it weird that he clearly knew who I was? He even knew where I lived. Should that concern me? Was this in the stalkerish type of not okay behavior? I wouldn’t mind him stalking me, though. I was not okay.

My phone dinged almost immediately. I felt the butterflies take flight and cause more fluttering inside me.

Juno: Hi! I hope it was okay I gave Derek my number. I wanted to apologize again if I said anything that offended you earlier, it truly wasn’t my intention. I’m the guy that called you beautiful by the way. – Juno

Okay, calm down. It’s just a text. You can do this.

Remi: Hi Juno. No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was just surprised when I saw you.

That was a valid reason for running away, right?