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Chapter Three

Remi

I was late for work, which lately wasn’t new. I had, like many other times before, lost track of time in the library the night before, writing yet another brilliant idea down on what I could do with my life once college was over. It caused me to sleep through my alarm, again.

I’d had a few brilliant ideas, if I had to say so myself. Unlucky for me, those ideas always came to me at night, stealing away those late-night hours from me without me even noticing. Which was why I was late, yet again. My parents, and girlfriend, Hayley, weren’t as ecstatic about my ideas as I was. To be honest, they were getting increasingly more annoyed with me and fed up with my ideas. They were, according to them, “a waste of time”.

So, I often sat in the library jotting down idea after idea, although, unlike in the past, now I kept them hidden from others, not wanting my happiness to be tainted by their hateful words. I understood not all of us shared the same hobbies, but at least I showed interest in my mother’s sewing and gardening, my father’s cooking, and Hayley’s makeup and crystal obsession. Why would I need to know how to figure out your undertone? So, I could find the perfect foundation that matched my skin? I tried using makeup when I was riddled with acne as a young teen, but the feel of it on my skin was the worst, so I just accepted being the acne kid. Now my skin was normal and no makeup would touch it, not unless I had to dress up or wanted my eyes to really pop with some eyeliner.

Hayley had shown interest in my ideas at first, back when we were just friends. I could show her everything and she would match my enthusiasm and support me as I researched if they would work out. A week into dating her, I’d gotten the amazing idea for a machine that could make waffles and ice cream, so on one side you had the hot waffles and on the other side was the cold ice-cream. She had been so excited for me to figure out if such an invention was possible in real life and not just in theory. Three weeks later she was over it, and every idea I had ever since was turned down as being a waste of my time. I stopped sharing my ideas, lying about studying in the library instead of telling her the truth.

Hayley and I had been together a year now, and other than the lack of support for my ideas, she was the perfect girlfriend for me. I needed my space and wasn’t huge on touching. She seemed to respect that and gave me plenty of space to just be me. We’d been friends since we were kids, attending the same high school, until one day when our friendship changed into more. I hadn’t told anyone other than Hayley and my parents of my ideas, too afraid someone would steal them and make a fortune before I could. So having zero support hurt more than I cared to admit. And I hated having secrets from Hayley, but her thinking I was studying was sort of true, in a way.

“Get moving or you’ll be fired!” Hayley hissed, kicking me out of bed.

“Ow!” I exclaimed indignantly from the floor. “I was just about to get up!” I wasn’t.

“Liar,” she replied, no remorse in her tone about kicking me, as she simply went back to her beauty sleep.

She had an apartment close to college and I stayed here more than in my own dorm room. I had a rather interesting roommate, who I wanted to avoid as much as possible. Luckily, Hayley had given me a key, so her place was somewhat mine as well.

I got up from the floor and took a quick shower before sprinting to work. I worked at a coffee shop from seven a.m. to ten a.m. Monday to Friday. My boss Earl usually didn’t give me too much of a hard time over my tardiness, because he, too, had once been a college student with too much to deal with daily. But even though he was understanding, I didn’t want to take advantage of his kindness.

The short distance from Hayley’s apartment to the coffeeshop meant I only had to walk ten minutes before arriving at work. Campus was just another ten minutes from there so everything was close enough that I didn’t have to drive around daily and waste money on gas.

The door opened easily as I pushed through and greeted a smiling Earl. “Only two minutes late today! I have to admit, I’m impressed,” Earl chuckled.

I winced. It was clear I needed to up my game. “Sorry about that, Earl. I’ll do better, I promise.”

He waved me off. “I know you will, Remi.” He gave my shoulder a squeeze and left to get his morning pastry from across the street. Earl always started his day with a Danish and some cookies from Darcy’s bakery. I had a strong suspicion it was Darcy he was hooked on and not her baking, but since I never joined him at her store, I couldn’t be certain.

The door opened just as I finished tying my apron around my waist. I spotted the familiar faces of a couple of regulars; college students like me who needed their daily caffeine fix to survive yet another day.

The morning would fly by in a rush like every other morning once people started piling in. I greeted the customers and got to work.

I found myself back at the library, deep in Idea Land as I scribbled down thought after thought. They didn’t normally hit me like this. Usually, I would get an idea and then spend hours figuring out if it could work out or not. I wasn’t into actually building the machines. It was more about the creative process for me. Figuring out if and how they could work in real life was what I felt passionate about. It was what I wanted to do with my life, regardless of what my parents and Hayley thought.

My latest idea came to me when I saw how dirty my tips from work were. As I struggled to identify the individual coins, I thought more about how the banks should clean the ones that got back to them somehow. Like with the machines that collected your coins and you got the money put into your bank account. If all banks had coin washers, then coins would be noticeably cleaner over time and we wouldn’t be so put off by touching them. Brilliant, right? Or maybe that was just me? Anyway, a coin washer was what I was researching now, but it was harder than I thought since most searches came up with washing machines that accepted coins. I had not thought this through, it seemed.

My vibrating pocket interrupted my focus and I pulled out my phone to see my friend Jason had texted me.

Jason: How are you not in class right now? Mr. Trent is going to kick your ass.

Fuck! I’d completely lost track of time. I looked at my phone and sure enough, I was ten minutes late to class. I was so not going to pass. I’d already received two warnings from Mr. Trent, the last one stating that he would fail me if I missed one more of his classes.

I could sprint over there and maybe beg him to let me in?

Jason’s name appeared on my phone again.

Jason: He fucking locked the door! Where are you, man?

Shit!

I frantically opened my email and started writing out an apology, my last hope of continuing his class.

With that sent, I closed my laptop and quickly replied to Jason, thanking him for reminding me of my fuck up. Then I grabbed my things and headed out of the library. I had dinner with my parents tonight and I tended to show up late for them, too, if I didn’t forget altogether. They, like my professor, didn’t care much for my forgetfulness, and I had to agree it wasn’t something I was proud of either. I just got so into my ideas and how things worked that I lost all sense of time.

Knowing Hayley didn’t have any classes today, I called her and asked if she wanted to join me. She couldn’t, though, having what she called a girls’ night planned with her closest friends. I wished them a good night and hung up, actually relieved I would see my parents without her, since they tended to gang up on me whenever the topic of my future came up. Tonight, I would just be facing my parents. Yay me.

The walk to my parents took around twenty minutes, and as soon as my childhood home came into view, I mentally prepared myself. I reminded myself that they loved me and only wanted what was best for me. They weren’t against me. Even though I kept saying those words to myself, I still found myself unable to believe them.

Mom was in the garden pulling up weeds, her back to the road as she worked. I headed for the front door to greet my father first, he would either be in the kitchen or the living room. In their house it was only my dad who cooked, since my mom couldn’t for the life of her cook anything without either burning it or over salting it to the point of preserving it forever. Thankfully, my dad loved cooking. It had been his mother’s love language and since my grandma wasn’t a person who ever said I love you or gave out hugs, cooking had been what my dad saw as showing love. He was a hugger though, and both my parents told me they loved me often, so I got love in many different ways as I grew up.

“Hey, Dad!” I called out as I entered the living room. He was on the couch watching some home renovation program, his favorite thing to watch lately.

“Hey, son! You’re early.” He stood and gave me a tight hug. I couldn’t tell him I’d missed class and start their grilling early, so I lied. Like the mature person I was.

“Oh, class was cancelled,” I lied easily and sat down next to where he had been sitting. He joined me with a raised brow, not a total “I don’t believe you”, but a “I’m not certain you’re speaking the truth” raise of brow. What could I say, the man knew how to communicate with his big bushy brows.

Ignoring said brows, I looked over at the TV. “So, how’re you and Mom?” I asked, trying to control the conversation.

“Can’t complain,” he shrugged and looked at the TV again. “Is Hayley joining us for dinner?”

“She’s having a girls’ night,” I replied, happy to finally tell a truth.

Dad stood up and walked to the kitchen with me right behind him. “I’m glad she’s taking time to nurture her friendships. You should do the same.” He used a teasing tone that seemed forced, like he wanted me to receive his message, but also didn’t want me to feel like it was a pointed finger. Whatever he intended, I received it nonetheless.

I knew they worried that I neglected my friends after starting college and dating Hayley. It was hard finding time for everything, friends, school, work, Hayley, my parents, and then my ideas.

“I know, Dad,” I finally replied. “Just trying to learn how to balance it all.” Look at that! Another truth. I knew he was worried and just wanted to help, but every time they said stuff like that, I felt like I was failing somehow. If I worked too much, I would hear about it. If I didn’t work enough, I would hear about it. I honestly couldn’t win.

The back door opened and mom breezed in to wash her hands in the kitchen sink. Dad gave her a kiss on the cheek as he started on dinner.

“Hey, honey,” Mom said after drying her hands. She gave me a soft hug and kissed my cheek.

“Hi, Mom. Anything new you’re growing?” It was the perfect conversation starter, because if I really got her going, I could get her to talk about nothing other than her garden until I left. Well, that or sewing, but seeing as she just came in from the garden this seemed the most natural choice.

“I just planted the loveliest rose bushes,” she gushed. “They’re placed along the house and will grow up over time so I’ll have roses just outside the windows.” She started handing me the plates so we could set the table while Dad cooked. “The PH levels had to be perfect before I could plant them, but I think I got it just right.”

“I can’t wait to see them bloom,” I told her honestly. Why couldn’t they care about my passions as I did with theirs? Was it really that hard to fake enthusiasm for my sake? I didn’t care about gardening, but I loved seeing my mom’s eyes glow as she lectured me about the different kinds of flowers she wanted each year in her pots, and whenever she made a bigger and more permanent decision, like the rose bushes. Why couldn’t they do the same for me?

“Me neither, honey. Is Hayley coming?”

“She’s having fun with friends,” Dad answered before I could. He’d used a certain tone and I knew what he was doing.

“That’s lovely! You should spend time with your friends too,” Mom said, just as I predicted she would.

“Then I wouldn’t have time to visit you, though,” I muttered in response. I took out our cutlery and sat down sullenly. I was already over this visit.

Mom joined me and batted my arm. “Nonsense! You’re a smart man, you can figure out how to manage your time. We made sure to give you all the smart brain cells when we made you. Right, dear?” she looked expectantly at my dad.

“Of course we did,” he answered, always the dutiful husband. “That’s why you’re an only child, son. We feared all the good cells were gone.” He looked smugly at my mom who beamed in return.

“This would all make perfect sense if I wasn’t conceived using a donor,” I replied drooly.

Why did I visit them? I could’ve spent a lovely night at the library instead of this.

I was six minutes early to work the next day. Earl had truly been surprised, and that had been worth leaving Hayley’s soft bed for. I wanted to show him I was a worthy employee.

I had two boring classes after work, but one amazing thing happened just as I headed home. Mr. Trent had answered my email and told me that he had a few ideas on how I could earn some points to stay in his class. It was really my last chance now. He was still working out what I would have to do, so in the meantime I simply had to show up and that would be a start. He wasn’t lacking humor that man.

I was basically skipping on the way to Hayley’s apartment. I wasn’t going to mess this up. Mr. Trent had given me one last chance and I was going to do my best to please him.

Opening the front door had me immediately wishing I’d chosen the library instead. There were ten or more people in the apartment, all drinking and having a good time. I wasn’t a boring person, like Hayley’s friends thought, but not liking parties meant I was boring to them. I had been looking forward to a quiet night with Hayley, but that wasn’t going to happen tonight, it seemed.

“Babe!” Hayley yelled out in greeting when she spotted me. “Have a drink!” She pushed a glass with nearly glowing pink liquid inside. Even without the deadly color to it, I still wouldn’t have tasted it. I had work in the morning, and after that I had a group project to work on. I had no intentions of getting drunk whatsoever.

I shook my head and handed her the deathly potion. “No thanks. I have work tomorrow. But you guys have fun. I’ll just sleep in my dorm tonight.” I gave her a peck on the cheek, not wanting to taste the alcohol on her.

I turned to walk out, but Hayley wasn’t okay with that. “You’re such a killjoy!” She yelled after me, clearly annoyed. I sighed. We never fought and I wasn’t in the mood to do it in front of her friends while she was drunk.

“I’ll call you tomorrow after work,” I said, ignoring her angry eyes and walking out. I heard her friends scoff behind my back. Maybe they thought she deserved someone more fun and outgoing, someone more like her. But Hayley knew me. If she wanted someone she could party with, she was with the wrong guy.

As I walked closer to the dorms, I thought about me and Hayley, like really thought about us, something I tended to brush off since it was easier. Were we a good match? I loved her, but was I in love with her? I couldn’t quite figure it out. I mentally put it all in a box to sort out later as I fumbled with my key.

I was relieved to find the room empty. My roommate Derek was always in the room working on his computer. He was a smart man, I had to give him that, he just lacked some social cues that made me sort of fear him. Last time I spoke with him he was developing an app, something he did for fun to earn some cash while attending college. Fun. He was good at coding and honestly, I had no idea what else he did, having fled our room as soon as Hayley had given me a key.

It wasn’t only Derek’s fault that I’d basically moved out. Yes, he lacked some social cues, but I also knew he didn’t realize it himself so I couldn’t really blame him for that. I’d moved out to spend more time with Hayley. It was just easier with me, always losing track of time to spend the nights at her place, and even if we never really did spend time together, we were at least in the same apartment.

The night I truly moved out, Derek had worn my t-shirt and when I confronted him about it, he’d simply told me it smelled like me so he liked to sleep in it.

I hadn’t been back since.

But now I was back, and relived to find my stuff seemingly untouched. With the room empty, I decided to go through my stuff. Some of it I’d missed and other stuff I hadn’t. I went through what I wanted to bring back to Hayley’s tomorrow, then stopped myself after having that thought. Was I going back? The box I’d mentally filed away burst open and now I had to deal with all these confusing emotions.

Were we better off as friends? Honestly, yes.

I felt relieved once the truth of those words really hit. I still had my parents I had to deal with on a weekly basis, but Hayley had been like them lately, and she shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t want to spend all my time at a library instead of at her place. I told her the nights I did spend there were because it was quiet, but I actually just needed a break from her. Whenever we were both at her place, I sought out the room she wasn’t in and studied there, desperate for some alone time. And Hayley had respected that, but was that normal? Hayley was my first girlfriend and I her first boyfriend. We didn’t have any other relationship experience, but maybe what we had wasn’t working. I wasn’t happy and hadn’t been in a long time. Hayley partied more now, likely trying to find some happiness elsewhere herself.

I had to talk to her tomorrow after work. Face to face. Tonight, I had to sort my stuff out and mentally prepare myself for living here again. With Derek. Who still had my t-shirt.