Page 33 of Jump or Fall

Mara

M ara tried to blink away the sleep, but one side was dark. She scrunched up her face, but it only made the tightness worse, like someone had pressed her face down onto a hot pan.

“Fuck!” she whimpered.

“Here,” Gordon said, sitting her up and gently spreading salve across her new scars. The relief wasn’t immediate, but his touch soothed what the salve couldn’t fix.

“Thank you.”

He took her hand and placed a glass of water in it.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do,” he said. “It just helped me to chug water first thing in the morning.”

“I want to hug you, but I know I’m gross.” Her whole body felt coated in a layer of grime and her scalp itched from dried blood.

Gordon wrapped a careful arm around her. “I’ll take a hug from you any time.”

She leaned into him, breathing in every note.

“Breakfast is on the desk when you’re ready,” he said. “Sorry, I don’t have a proper table. I haven’t lived with a woman since I was fifteen, and she was my mom.”

She saw a small spread of sliced bread, butter, and mangoes.

“As long as we’re together, we can eat off the floor for all I care. ”

Chuckling, he took a sip of a coffee. “My friend got your shampoo and other things, so you won’t have to use man soap.”

“Thank you to your mysterious friend.”

“Her name is Gera. She works down in the maintenance tunnels. Originally, she was my mom’s friend.” His brows came together. “While on the topic of people you should know, Wells is my cousin through my dad’s side.”

That explained the resemblance.

“Is he still in the city?” she asked. “I can’t imagine it’s safe for him to stay.”

He sighed. “No, he sent me a message last night that he got out.”

“Did he keep the girl?”

Gordon looked taken aback for a second. “Danya. She agreed to go with him.”

“Geller, who used to be the Master Tailor when I started, explained everything since he was a Silver. Dawson said that Wells faked his initiation. Geller claimed he did the same.”

“I tried telling him we didn’t need an actual double agent.” He grimaced. “I told him about the fucked-up initiation, but he somehow found an old hookup that was into the idea.”

She couldn’t imagine wanting to be hunted down and have sex while someone watched.

“Must be a very different life when you choose it. I think Karena chose it somehow, or at least in the beginning she had.” Mara rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, the feel of sweat making her cringe. “I think I’m going to shower now.”

“I’ll change the sheets while you’re in there.” He hesitated. “I disconnected the mirror when I moved in last year. So, you won’t have to worry about ad bullshit.”

“Good… I was a little worried about that.” She got up and stretched, eying the stained bedding. The SynThera had taken care of the soreness, but the fatigue was unreal .

Getting to the bathroom was a challenge. She ran her hand along the wall and swept her left foot along the floor. Gordon was about to offer help, but she stopped him. This was something she would need to learn.

Once in the bathroom, she faced the mirror.

You’re hideous .

The place her eye used to be was sunken in, the skin still shiny and pink. The new scar on her chin was beginning to whiten since it wasn’t as deep. The jagged marks from her forehead to her cheek looked horrible. They had been stitched together well, but she would never look normal.

Dawson had chosen her for her looks and profession as an armorer. She had spent a decade as his plaything and mastering her craft.

And in under a minute, he had taken it all away.

Discarded like nothing.

She knew he’d never felt anything genuine for her. Only as good as she was useful to him. His words of praise had been hollow; the rewards, shallow. She knew it was all lies.

But still…

Pain crept into her chest, burying itself in her like a dull blade. The suffocating grip forced a choked sob from her throat.

She braced herself on the sink and tried to shove it all back down. But it was all-consuming. The strain on her fresh scars deepened the hurt, but she tried to channel it. The physical agony was preferable to this pain that ran so deep it penetrated her bones.

There was a knock on the door, but she couldn’t speak. The only sound that managed to escape was a pitiful whimper.

She felt Gordon’s warm hand on her back.

“How can you even look at me?” she sobbed. “How can you want something so broken?”

“Mara, you’re still beautiful, and you aren’t broken.”

She sucked in a ragged breath, and he continued, “You know, I could ask the same. I can’t even move part of my face. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a pretty big fucking scar. ”

“I like the crooked smile. It’s cute.”

He turned her toward him and enveloped her in his arms. “That’s sweet of you to say.”

“It’s true,” she croaked. “I could barely walk to the bathroom without bumping into anything. How am I ever going to do anything useful?”

I can’t even fuck like a normal person.

“Mara, it will get better.”

She wanted to believe that was true. Wanted to believe that she was still worth something.

“Will you shower with me?” she asked. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.” He turned the shower on, running the hot water over his hand to test the temperature.

Mara stripped off her clothes and took his hand so she wouldn’t trip on the ledge.

The cascade cleansed her of the previous day. The pain and humiliation. Her muscles gradually relaxed with each drop colliding with her skin.

Gordon put a drop of her shampoo in his hands and gently massaged it into her hair.

She rinsed it out, and next he ran a soapy cloth over her shoulders and down her back. The heavy coconut scent of her soap was an extra comfort as it washed everything away.

Old flakes of dried blood swirled around the drain and disappeared. Her old life going with it.

Everything is different. I don’t have to go back.

While holding her hand out, he ran the cloth across the length of her arm and repeated on the other side. He reached forward and gently swept the cloth over her chest and down to her stomach. He was careful around her breasts, trying not to make it a sexual gesture.

He had been keeping his distance and standing at an odd angle. The reason became evident when he brushed against her lower back.

At least, he still found her body appealing .

“Just ignore that,” he said, clearing his throat.

Mara stepped back, pressing him flush against her skin.

He lowered the cloth to her hip. “Mara, you need rest.” The restraint in his voice made her want him even more.

“We’ll go slow.”

She took the cloth and dropped it to the floor. Then she directed his hand between her legs. Keeping her hand on his, she manipulated his fingers until she found a rhythm she liked.

“You like using my hand?” he asked, his face pressed into her hair as he gently rocked against her back.

“Yes,” she said softly.

The tiles begged her to be counted, so she closed her eye. Dripping water called for her attention, but she wouldn’t give in. Gordon’s voice was her tether, keeping her from drifting away.

Someday, I’ll be normal.

That sweet rush of pleasure was beginning to blossom so she moved his hand a little faster.

The tension in her body loosened with each motion.

She rarely did this to herself since it always felt clumsy and pointless.

The last time she’d tried, it went nowhere.

The sensations had been uncomfortable and her mind found other things to dwell on.

Gordon slid his other hand up her side and massaged her breast, still grinding into her.

“I really like this,” she said.

She could feel his smile against the side of her head. “You can use my hand any time you want.”

Her knees began to wobble, but he kept her stable. He slid a finger inside, sending a shock through her system. She clenched around him, wishing it was more.

“I love feeling you,” he rasped. “I love that you want me.”

Mara shuddered and let him take the lead. He kept a steady rhythm, coaxing her. Everything about him felt so right.

“How could I not want you? You’re perfect. ”

He chuckled and added another finger, curling them while pressing his palm against her clit. “I don’t know about that, but I’ll do my best to be what you need.”

“I need this,” she murmured. “I need to feel.”

He rolled her nipple between his fingers, making her gasp. “Then you’ll have it.”

She swallowed the moan rising from her throat. “It’s so loud,” she said. The thought of their neighbors hearing them tugged at her consciousness. Every minuscule thing was trying to pull her away.

“Only we exist,” he assured. “Focus on us—how this feels.”

Tipping her head back against his chest, she let herself be consumed by his words. The edge was so close, she was almost there.

She was safe. Loved.

“Don’t hold back, Mara. Let go and come for me.”

Gordon clutched her tight against his chest, his pace turning frantic.

“Harder,” she pleaded.

He obliged, and she came completely undone as waves of pleasure crashed over her. She arched against him before finally going slack in his embrace.

Gordon would never let her fall.

Mara shuddered as he kept her anchored to him, gently kissing the side of her head.

His chest rumbled with a laugh. “Good thing we’re already in the shower. Your back is a mess.”

She took his hand and pressed it against her lips. “I think this was the best shower I’ve ever had.”

“When you’re fully healed, we’ll have even better ones.”

She let out a breathy laugh. “Good.”

The tension that had gripped her may have lessened, but exhaustion continued to weigh her down, turning her legs into jelly. She should have eaten something first. The healing infusion was known to cause fatigue. Still, she hadn’t expected it to hit so hard .

They rinsed off, and Gordon helped her step out, steadying her when she teetered. She braced herself against him, warmth lingering where his hands held her.

While drying off, she avoided the mirror. There was no point in ruining a perfectly good moment by looking at herself.

Gordon kissed the unscarred side of her face before leaving the bathroom. Nothing about his gaze said he was disgusted by her appearance.

As she dabbed her hair dry, she entertained the thought of letting it grow long. She’d kept it short for convenience—easier to manage and no need to tie it up for work—but now things were different.

By the time she left the bathroom, Gordon had finished changing the bedding and smoothed out the fresh sheets.

She sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing a slice of bread from the tray and topping it with butter and a slice of mango. It was so rich and sweet.

Her secret tablet sat on the desk next to the tray. She unlocked it, but wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting. There was nothing new—just old notes and the link to the archives. Gordon was still the only one with the contact details.

A soft chime interrupted the quiet.

Gordon tapped his ear. “Gordon here.”

He rubbed her back while listening to whoever was speaking, then frowned and searched for his tablet.

“Um, that is definitely a statement.”

Mara gave him a questioning look, and he turned the screen toward her. It was a photo of a severed hand, splotchy with blood and silver paint.

“The Archon is dead. Silva says Millon Hirono is on our side, and he wants to meet us at Hyperion today.”