Page 17 of Jillian’s Wild Heart (Ladies of Munro #4)

“No, I am not shocked, only grieved that this should have been the case. I cannot tell you what excruciating pain it would cause me to lose one of my brothers. The fact that such pain is absent here is a sorrow in and of itself.”

“It is not absent in its entirety,” admitted Miss Bradford.

“No doubt the shock will release its grip within the hour and we will recall happier times. But, you will forgive me for saying, there were not many of these. It will be strange not to see Philip striding to the stables. His seat will be oddly empty at the table. But we never conversed warmly or laughed together or shared interests. Philip carried all our parents’ hopes.

They kept him upon a pedestal beyond our reach.

He was not so much a brother as an example to us of what we should have been. ”

Jilly pictured the family dinner table at the Kinsey cottage. What Penelope had described was so alien to her, she could not transpose their image upon her own at all.

“It seems to me,” she said, “that you have associated sadness and disappointment with him all your lives. There is hardly any room for more.”

“Thank you for not judging us,” said Miss Bradford.

“We really do not deserve such grace when almost none of it was granted you today. Please know—though my views carry little weight in this house—I will be happy to call you sister soon. It may be small consolation for your mistreatment, but it is all I can offer.”

Jilly felt her eyes prick with tears at these words.

Kindness had a way of nudging open a heart that was trying to keep its pain firmly sealed.

Jillian gave a few quick nods as both acknowledgement and thanks but dared not speak these sentiments aloud for fear of her tears flowing hotly down her cheeks.

Her lips bunched into a tight clench through which she attempted a smile.

“Oh, Miss Kinsey!” Miss Bradford reached out and pulled her into a firm embrace. “You have been sorely wronged today. And you have borne it well. That is exactly the sort of quality a true lady should have. Our parents are such fools not to see it!”

Jillian wriggled free from the abundance of warm benevolence in Miss Bradford’s embrace. She twisted quickly away from her. Her face, she knew, would be red and puffy. It always was when she suppressed her emotions, though she rarely had cause to do so.

“I must go.” She began to stride toward the door.

The footman stepped forward with her wrap, then opened the door to the front entrance, offering her escape.

Jillian did a half turn. “See to your mother. I will be fine.” Then she fled down the steps and, after a brief pause while another footman lowered the carriage steps, she climbed inside and hid herself in the darkness.

She had to wait while her borrowed maid was sent for.

With every passing second, she prayed that Lewis would not follow her out.

It would be so like him to do just that.

He always thought of her needs. But today, he must not.

She did not want to lose the tiniest bit of control to which she was clinging.

Besides, no matter what else this family must overcome because of her engagement to Lewis, right now, they were in mourning and should be together. Without distraction.

Jillian tried to focus on slow breaths. A small semblance of calm returned. Just in time, too, for Ingsley clambered quite suddenly into the carriage, apologizing as she did so.

“So sorry, Miss Kinsey. I did not expect the dinner to end as quickly as it did. And then the footman told us the terrible news! The whole kitchen staff sat down in shock. Cook was crying into her apron. Mr. Bradford must have been greatly beloved. And to have such a tragedy at your first meeting with the family…”

“Yes, thank you. But I do not wish to discuss it further.”

“Oh, of course.” Ingsley folded her hands to resume a posture of humility, but the way she bit her lip told Jillian that the lady’s maid was sorry to have to cut the conversation short.

Their nuptials would likely be postponed, Jillian realized. And the ceremony might need to be in Munro, a compromise for his parents, considering there would no longer be a wedding for Philip.

It was all so unfair! Jilly allowed herself a minute to sulk before guilt overrode her self-pity. How could she even think about weddings and her own preferences when the Bradfords had lost a son and brother?

And yet it was hard not to. She had been so excited. Now everything was tainted with loss. Not to mention the fact that Lewis did not have his parents’ blessing upon their betrothal.

How cruel they had been! She could admit that now. Jilly had put on a brave face at dinner, hoping above hope that they would accept her as Lewis had promised they would. Patience and dignity. That was all she had believed necessary. But now the outlook seemed thoroughly bleak.

His parents had made no secret of it—they wanted nothing to do with her. And Lewis’s loyalty to her would cause a rift in the family.

The carriage drew to a halt. The moment the door was opened and the step lowered, Jillian was out and up the stairs like a fox that had escaped a snare. She tore up the staircase, not caring who saw her undignified progress up the three flights.

She knocked briskly at Ellena’s door and pushed it open as soon as she heard answer.

Her friend looked up in surprise as Jilly crossed the thickly carpeted floor and threw herself onto the settee where Ellena had been occupied with some sewing.

Jilly—the strength that had held her together now depleted—collapsed in a hopeless bundle, her head in Ellena’s lap, tears at last wrenching from her, her shoulders shaking as Ellena put her arm around them in a maternal fashion.

“Whatever is the matter, Jilly?” she asked. “What has happened?”

But Jilly could not find the words to explain. She sobbed until her head ached more than her heart. Then, slowly, she sat herself up, fishing for her handkerchief and using it in a most unladylike fashion to blow her nose.

“You were right,” she said dolefully. “They will never accept me.”

Ellena shook her head. “That is not what I said. Though I am sorry to hear the dinner has not gone well. I merely indicated that they would struggle to understand Lewis’s choice.

Given time, they will make peace with it.

You have taken on an unspoken rule of society, and those who choose to live by such rules will take umbrage at the challenge.

If you are patient, and show them your best self, they will see that you are good for him.

Since you are betrothed, they cannot undo the public contract between you without shaming the family. ”

“But they think that our union shames the family too. And now that Lewis’s brother is dead, they will…”

Ellena froze. “What did you say?”

Jilly began to cry again, burying her head in her hands.

“The constables came,” she mumbled through her fingers.

“It was awful, Ellie. He’d been murdered!

And then Lady Bradford said I couldn’t marry Lewis since he was their heir now.

And his father wanted to cut him off even before that.

And Lewis said he would disown them, and… ”

“Take a breath, Jilly dear,” Ellena said soothingly as Jilly hiccupped between sobs.

Jillian obeyed, sucking in a lungful of air with a ragged staccato.

“And out again,” urged her friend, guiding her gradually back to calm.

“Now,” said Ellena when Jillian had regained some of her equilibrium, “start at the beginning, and tell me everything.”