Page 41 of Jacked (Gymbos #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

SLATER

Not touching AJ on our way into the apartment is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.

It’s been impossible to keep my hands off of him since day one, long before we learned all the fun and sexy ways to touch each other, but I’m not about to tip his brother off if I can help it.

I have to shove my hands into my pockets to keep myself from reaching out to massage the tension out of AJ’s shoulders or brushing my fingers along the back of his neck to remind him that I’m here, no matter what happens.

Cas and Nolan are standing in the middle of the living room chatting with Logan.

When he hears us come in, Logan spins around to face us, zeroing in on his brother with another apologetic smile.

I can see the resemblance between the two of them.

Logan is a lot leaner, closer to my build, but they have the same eyes and they carry themselves the same way.

Cas gives me a look from behind Logan, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. I shake my head once to let him know I’ll fill him in later.

“Sorry again for showing up without any warning,” Logan says, reaching back to run his hand over the back of his neck, the same way AJ tends to do when he’s feeling anxious. “I meant to call, I just… I don’t know, I was on a plane before I really thought about it.”

“It’s cool. You’re my brother, you’re always welcome. We, uh, might have to figure out sleeping arrangements, but if you don’t mind a sleeping bag on the floor then it’ll be fine.”

Logan chuckles—the same wheezy laugh as AJ’s.

Maybe it’s all the ways he reminds me of his brother or maybe it’s the nervous, darting look in his eyes, but I don’t want to believe he’s a raging homophobe who’s going to turn on AJ when the truth comes out.

I think he’s going through something and he doesn’t know how to talk about it because their dad fucked them up.

“We were just talking about going out for dinner. How do you feel about some Chicago Deep Dish?” I put on my friendliest smile. Maybe if I win him over before he knows I’m doing the dirty with his brother, everything will go smoother. “Or are you anti-cheese like your brother?”

AJ scoffs. “I’m not anti-cheese, I’m anti-eating-three-pounds-of-cheese-in-one-sitting.”

“It’s funny, you always say that, and then once I talk you into it, you eat two slices plus dessert.” I bump him with my shoulder, smirking at him.

He rolls his eyes at me, trying to fight back a grin that says he knows I’m right.

He protests the pizza because he can’t get enough of it once it’s in front of him.

When I look back over, Logan’s glancing between the two of us.

Fuck, maybe the shoulder bump was more suspicious than I thought it would be.

Why can’t I remember how straight dudes touch each other?

Wait, do straight dudes touch each other? I don’t know anything anymore.

I clear my throat and inch towards the hallway, putting a little more space between AJ and me just to be safe.

“So, pizza?” I say to Logan again.

He nods. “Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks for the invite.”

“Cool, let’s just change out of our wet clothes and we can head out.

” I nod for Cas and Nolan to follow me, just in case AJ wants a minute alone with his brother to try to find out what happened that made him get on a plane on a whim.

Also, so I can fill them in on the situation before they accidentally slip up and out him.

As soon as my bedroom door is closed behind us, I blow out a breath, pulling off my hat to drag my fingers through my hair before replacing it.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, AJ isn’t out to his brother yet,” I whisper. “And he’s worried that Logan might not take it well, so we have to play it cool until he’s ready to tell.”

Cas’s eyebrows go up again. “He thinks Logan might be homophobic?” There’s a skeptical edge to my brother’s tone.

I frown and cock my head. “Yeah, why?”

“No, nothing,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “We’ll be cool. It’s kind of unspoken queer code to tread lightly if you’re not sure anyway, so don’t worry about it.”

I blow out another breath and nod. “Thanks. I hate that this got sprung on AJ out of nowhere. He’s freaking out and I can’t do anything to make it easier.”

Nolan rubs my shoulder and Cas gives me a sympathetic look.

“You’ve got his back, that’s the best thing you can do for him,” Nolan says.

“Should we try not to act like a couple?” Cas asks.

“No, AJ said it’s fine. I wouldn’t put you in that position anyway. But, hey, maybe Logan seeing a totally normal gay couple will lay a good foundation for AJ to come out.”

My brother chuckles. “There’s that eternal optimism.”

I give him a playful shove. I have to be optimistic. The alternative sucks too much to think about.

AJ

I stare at my brother for a minute after we’re left alone, acutely aware of my damp shorts and the sound of the TV coming from the apartment next door.

My mouth is dry and my heart is still pounding.

I shouldn’t be afraid to be around my brother.

Did I even give him a hug or tell him I’m glad to see him?

Looking at him again, it’s obvious he’s been dealing with something.

There are dark smudges under his eyes like he’s barely been sleeping, and his clothes are fitting a little baggier than usual.

“Hey, seriously, is everything okay?” I ask again, crossing the living room to put my hands on his shoulders. “You look like shit.”

He wheezes a laugh and his shoulders sag. “I’m fine, just had a shitty fucking week and needed to see my brother.” He looks down and rubs his hand across his jaw before looking back at me. “Alex and I broke up.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. The way you were talking it seemed like you guys were getting pretty serious.” I never know what to say in situations like this. I never met Alex, so I can’t really say anything about her, but it was obvious from the way Logan talked about her that he liked her a lot.

“We were. I fucked it up.” He sniffs and looks away. “Alex was… amazing, and I was a chickenshit, and now it’s over.”

I squeeze his shoulders again and make a sympathetic sound.

“I’m sorry,” I say again.

“It’s alright. Like I said, it’s my fault, so I don’t really have any right to whine about it.” He rolls his shoulders and clears his throat, deftly putting on a neutral mask to hide any lingering traces of emotion.

A few months ago, I would have felt relief at seeing him pull himself together and try to drop the subject.

What the fuck do I know about comforting an emotionally compromised dude?

My dad’s voice echoes in my head. Men don’t cry.

Don’t be a pussy. You sound like a little girl with your panties all in a twist. Didn’t matter if we were missing our mom or had broken a finger in Little League, his answer was always the same. Suck it up. Be a man.

Instead of echoing my dad though, I can feel myself channeling Slater as I pull my brother into a hug.

“It’s okay to be upset about it. It’s okay to cry too. Breakups fucking hurt.” I rub his back, feeling the stiffness and tension leech out of him for a second as he sags against me and sniffles one more time.

Then, he chuckles and straightens up.

“What, have you been going to therapy or some shit? Watching reruns of Dr. Phil ?” The teasing in his voice is a little too tight to be convincing. I get it. When you’ve had a lifetime of absorbing the same message, it’s fucking hard to let it go.

I give him a crooked smile. “I’d better go change too. If Slater has to wait for pizza, he’ll fucking riot.”

In just a few minutes, the five of us are headed down the street to the best neighborhood pizza place.

Slater walks a few steps behind with Cas and Nolan.

I catch myself glancing back every few feet because it feels fucking weird not to be walking right next to him, holding his hand, listening to his random thoughts or playful teasing.

I keep waiting for Logan to make some comment or joke or at least question the fact that we’re living in Boystown, but he doesn’t say a word about it. We talk about his job and about Boston while we walk, carefully avoiding the topic of Alex.

The smell of cheese and garlic makes my mouth water as we head inside the pizza place. I end up seated between Logan and Slater on one side of the table, with Cas and Nolan on the other. Slater nudges his foot against mine under the table and a warm flood of affection rushes through me.

I think about how Slater referred to himself as my roommate when he introduced himself to Logan and my gut squeezes again.

Weeks ago, when we were first figuring everything out, Slater said I didn’t have to rush to come out or do it ever if I didn’t want to.

I could keep my dad and Logan in the dark.

I could let them think Slater is just my best friend and leave them out of a major part of my life.

But I can’t stand the idea of hiding him like that, of diminishing what we have just so they’ll be more comfortable.

If they don’t like it, then they don’t have to be in my life.

A fresh sense of determination stiffens my spine, and I press my foot against Slater’s in return. Across the table, Cas leans closer to Nolan to point something out on the menu and there’s no mistaking it for platonic. Especially not once Nolan surprises Cas with a kiss.

Logan clears his throat and shifts in his seat.

“So, you two…”

Cas looks up from the menu with a smile. He’s wearing the same carefree grin I’ve seen on Slater’s lips a thousand times, but his eyes are full of steel, challenging Logan without saying a word.

“Are a couple,” Cas says politely, his tone holding the same cheerful threat as his expression.