Page 40 of Jacked (Gymbos #1)

When he said “moved some stuff around” I assumed he meant he’d cleared it out to put my clothes inside.

He probably moved some things, but half the drawer is still filled with some of his t-shirts, neatly folded, side by side with my stuff.

It gives my heart a strange little flutter to see our clothes organized right next to each other, like we truly share a space.

Not as roommates, but as a couple. This might be a new record for how slowly I’ve fully processed something, but it hits me for the first time that that’s exactly what we are. We’re boyfriends who live together.

“Something wrong?” He comes up behind me, putting his hand on my lower back and peering into the drawer like he’s expecting to see something upsetting me.

“No. It just hit me though…” I pull out my swim trunks and then look at him and cock my head curiously. “Do we live together as roommates or as boyfriends?”

AJ frowns. It’s funny to watch actually, as the question seems to hit him just as slowly as it hit me, his lips turning down first before a furrow slowly deepens across his forehead as he tries to work it out.

“I…” He starts to say something then huffs out a laugh. “I don’t know.”

“It’s weird, right?” I start getting changed while we talk.

“We moved in together as roommates and then everything happened, so now we’re boyfriends and we live together, but it’s not like we had the usual big relationship moment where we decided things were at that level.

Living together is kind of a big deal, right? ”

“Yeah,” he agrees, scratching his chin and still seeming to think about it. “It is a big deal. Maybe we can look at it like we’re roommates now, but when we’re ready to have that talk and take that step, we can start sharing a bedroom.”

I bite my tongue against pointing out that since our first date a few weeks ago, we’ve shared a bed every night. Sometimes it’s my bed, sometimes it’s his, but we never sleep separately. I think I understand what he’s getting at though, so I nod in agreement.

AJ

Cas and Nolan seem like pretty laid-back dudes, which means I’m able to relax a little and worry less about impressing them.

We catch a bus to the beach, and on our way Nolan tells me about the video game he’s been designing graphics for and Cas talks about the most recent book he finished writing.

Not gonna lie, it’s still kind of intimidating that they’re both clearly smart as hell, but it’s hard to feel too insecure about anything with Slater’s hand in mine and our knees bumping each other with every bounce and sway of the bus.

Every time our eyes meet, we trade smiles and my heart swells just a little more.

The conversation we had before we left the apartment stays stuck in the back of my head.

I’ve never reached the ‘living together’ stage with anyone I’ve dated before.

I got close with a couple of women, but I always chickened out at the last minute, panicking about the loss of freedom and the implications of it all.

Living together feels like the step right before marriage. It’s committed. It’s serious .

Is that how Slater sees it too? Is that something he even wants?

Is he dreaming about marriage and all the things that come with it eventually?

Would he want all that with me ? There’s a lot we still haven’t talked about.

What about kids? We can’t have kids—not the natural way, anyway.

I know there are other options, but what if he doesn’t want to jump through all the hoops of adoption when he could just find a nice woman and make a family the regular way?

The bus shudders to a stop and Slater squeezes my hand before standing up. I force my panicked thoughts away for now. The beach is hardly the place for an existential crisis.

The lakefront is absolutely packed when we get there.

I’m not surprised considering the weather and the fact that it’s Labor Day weekend.

It takes us a couple of minutes to spot Butch, Callan, and Fender.

They’ve put a lot of thought into their setup, with a big canopy casting shade over their blankets and folding chairs, and a portable grill to cook lunch on.

Slater introduces Cas and Nolan to the guys and Fender’s eyes go wide.

“Excuse the fanboy moment, but holy shit, please tell me you are who I think you are.”

Cas grins and a blush creeps into his cheeks that reminds me a lot of Slater. “Uh, if you’re asking if I’m Holden Dickson, then yeah, that’s me.”

Fender screams dramatically and start to fan himself. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”

“What is happening right now?” Butch looks back and forth between Fender and Cas. “Are you a porn star or something?”

Cas throws his head back and laughs. “No, way less exciting than that. I’m just an author.”

“Just?” Fender gasps. “No, there is no ‘just.’ You are the best gay romance writer of all time.”

“Ooooh, I get it now.” Butch gives Fender a friendly punch on the shoulder. “He’s a writer too, you know?”

Fender shakes his head rapidly. “No, no I’m not. Not like you. I just write fanfic sometimes.”

“Really awesome fanfic,” Callan says while Fender continues to shake his head, blushing furiously.

“Seriously? You know, a lot of the authors I know started in fanfic. If you want to send me some links to your stuff, I’d love to read it,” Cas says.

“I’ll send it to you,” Butch offers before Fender can argue.

“Holden Dickson’s going to read my smutty fics. I think I need to go drown myself in the lake now,” Fender mutters.

Once the fanboy freakout passes, Cas and Nolan seem to fit into our little group well.

Callan cooks burgers for everyone and we spend the day enjoying the sunshine and swimming.

The worries from earlier stay firmly buried for now, and by the time we’re headed back to the apartment, I’ve nearly forgotten them.

We’re all damp and overheated as we make our way back up the stairs in the evening, chatting about where to go for dinner after we get dried off and changed. Slater is a few steps ahead of me on the stairs, but he comes to a stop as soon as he reaches the top.

“Um, hi, can I help you?” he asks.

I jog up the last couple of steps to see who he’s talking to. When I reach the landing and look past him, my stomach sinks and my body rages hot and cold all at once as panic surges through me.

“Logan,” I sputter, seeing my brother leaning against the wall in our hallway right outside our apartment. He looks a little disheveled, like he’s been traveling, which obviously he has. He isn’t supposed to be here, he’s supposed to be in Boston. “Is everything okay?”

He gives me a tired smile and drags his fingers through his shaggy, dark hair.

“Yeah, of course. Is it a crime to miss my baby brother?” He glances around at the three other men filling the hallway and grimaces. “I guess I should have called first. Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I try not to fidget with my keys as I fight the urge to reach for Slater’s hand. My throat feels too tight and my heart is beating too damn fast.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Logan. I’m Slater, AJ’s roommate.

” He takes over the greeting when I can’t make my tongue work.

Hearing Slater refer to himself as my roommate makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I hate it. It’s not right. But I need at least a minute to get my thoughts together before I can come out to my brother.

What am I supposed to say? Fuck, I’m not prepared for this.

Slater shakes Logan’s hand and then pulls out his own set of keys to unlock our apartment, waving everyone inside. I can hear Cas taking over the rest of the introductions as they file inside, and once we’re alone in the hallway, Slater turns back to face me.

“Fuck,” I mutter. “I had no idea he was coming.”

“It’s okay,” he says softly, putting his hands on my shoulders and rubbing them soothingly. “Take a deep breath. There’s nothing to panic about. I don’t mind playing it cool, okay? I told you before, I’m not going to rush you to come out.”

I nod, but my stomach twists again. “I want to tell him.” I look past Slater towards our apartment door. “Let me find out why he’s here unannounced, and then, before he leaves, I’m going to tell him about us.”

“Okay. You just let me know what I can do to make this easier. Should I pull Cas and Nolan aside and tell them to cool it with the gay stuff for now too?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s fine.” I blow out a breath, then lean closer and steal a slow, sweet kiss. “I’m not going to hide.”

“You’re brave as hell. You know that?”

I wheeze a laugh and drag my thumb along his damp lower lip. “I’d rather be happy than brave, but I think brave has to come first.”

“You’ve got this. I’ll be right there the whole time.”

His words settle over me like a comforting blanket. I don’t think he just means right now either. I want Slater right there next to me for all the shit I have to be brave for, but I want him there for all the good stuff too. Always.