Page 5 of It Never Happened (Nilsson Family #1)

The silence after that two word answer is deafening. So I push for more. “Courtney, how about you? Do you have a good class this year?”

She pauses at scooping some salad onto her plate before answering. “Yes, they are a great group of kids. Still babies, though.” Her fork pushes the food around but she’s not really eating. “Four is very young to start school and they barely make it to lunch without melting down some days.”

I’d like to say I understand, but I don’t. I haven’t spent more than a week at a time with Joey since he turned two. And for those first twenty four months of his life, I probably worked twenty of them. I had no business being a father or a husband when I couldn’t put either one of them first.

“You’ll be here for Christmas, right, Dad?”

“Of course. I’m always here for Christmas.”

“I know but you’re here early this year, so I figured you’d leave early too.”

My heart constricts. This kid knows he only gets seven days of my time each year and can’t understand when I want to give more. “I’ll be here, Joe. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Courtney’s eyes flick to mine. I don’t like that I can’t get a read on anything from her except for hate.

“So I wanted to ask you if you’d like to come back to New York with me for a week after Christmas?”

His eyes light up. “Really? I could fly on the plane with you too?”

I glance at Courtney who won't look at me. We talked about this briefly a month ago but I never brought it up again. “You sure can. How else would we get back? We can’t walk!”

“Can I, Mom? Please!” He bounces in his seat, and it makes me feel good that he wants to spend time with me.

She fakes a smile. It’s so apparent to me how fake it is, but Joey doesn’t see it. “Of course, sweetheart. If you want to, you can go for the week.”

“Alright! This is so cool! But, Dad, don’t you have to work?”

“I do. But I’m going to do my best to have my assistant run things in the office so I’ll be home for the week with you. I may still have to work some, but I promise to do my best to do it once you’re asleep.”

I’ve already made changes at the office, including putting more work on my assistant’s desk.

It’s going to kill me not to be able to answer calls, but I've already given strict instructions that shit needs to be handled without me.

This is my first test for myself. I have to be able to do something other than work if I have any hope of convincing Courtney to give me another chance.

“I can't wait!”

We finished dinner and I cleaned up while Courtney put Joey into bed. The whole night feels very domestic but I can’t let myself go there. I had it once and couldn’t hold onto it.

“He’s asking for you.” Her words are tight as she enters the kitchen again.

My eyebrows shoot up. “Really?” She nods, and I make my way down the hall to his room. “Hey, pal, what's up?”

“I just wanted to say goodnight.”

“You already said goodnight.”

“I wanted another hug.”

I kneel down beside his bed and squeeze him tight when he hugs me. I settle him back down again and tuck his blankets in tight around him. “I missed you, bud. I’m glad I get to spend some extra time with you.”

“I miss you all the time, dad.” Those little words break me.

“I know, Joe. But I have to work. And my business is far away, unfortunately.”

“Couldn’t you move it here? So you’d be close all the time?”

He's breaking my heart tonight. He’s never asked these questions before or expressed any sort of hurt over not having me nearby. But he’s getting older and I should have expected it. “I would really like that, but I just don’t know if it can be done right now.”

“Maybe soon? I think Mom misses you too.”

“Why do you say that?”

He shrugs and plays with the frayed edges of his blanket.

“Sometimes I hear her crying. And she tells Aunt January that she's lonely and how hard it is doing things by herself. She doesn’t know I hear her though so don’t say anything!

” He quickly rushes out the words, likely afraid he’d get into trouble for eavesdropping.

I pat his hands. “Don’t worry, pal, I won’t say you told me. I don't like your mom being sad. I'll try to do something to help make things a little easier, okay?”

He nods.

“You’re a good man, Joe Fristoni, better than me, and you’re doing a really good job at taking care of your mom.”

He lets out a big yawn. I kiss his forehead, whispering goodnight once more. His eyes flutter closed, and within a moment his breath evens out and he’s fast asleep. I stand from beside the bed and walk out of the room, closing the door slightly before entering the kitchen again.

I glance at my watch. It’s ten minutes to eight. “I told Larry to come back at nine for me. I can try to call him now if you want me to leave.”

She shakes her head. “Even if you called him now he wouldn’t make it back until nine anyway. I can see the roads are getting bad, and he’s probably busy getting everyone home.” She fills a mug with boiling water. “Do you want tea?”

“Yes, please.” She pours a second mug, adding a tea bag, and I watch as she adds a little milk and one sugar to one mug, pushing it toward me. I smile that she remembers just how I take it. I note she only adds milk to her mug.

“No sugar for you anymore?” I ask.

She glances at me then frowns at her mug. “No, I cut excess sugar out about a year ago.”

We both grab our mugs, and I follow her into the living room. She sits on the couch and I sit across from her in the oversized chair.

“So, are you here to buy Bluemoon?” She doesn’t even try to hide the snark in her tone.

“There’s the attitude I missed so much.” She rolls her eyes at me. “I could, you know.”

“You could what?”

“Buy Bluemoon.” I state it simply and blow on my tea before taking a sip.

“Your money doesn’t impress me.”

“My dick used to.”

“ Used to being the key words.”

Our banter is still on point, and it makes me smile.

It also turns me on. Courtney and I loved to fight, if only for the makeup sex.

Sometimes she’d pick a fight just to see how far I’d go before dragging her off to the bedroom.

We were kids, barely legal to buy a drink, but I’ve never met someone I was so attuned to.

Even after all the people I met and dealt with in business, no one knew exactly how to push my buttons like Courtney Becker. I loved every minute of it.

“You know, your drive for business, your excitement for learning and helping people, is what impressed me, Jack. But then you became obsessed with owning things and collecting more . Instead of growing, learning, and adapting to change.”

“I’m a businessman, Courtney. We can’t eat if I don’t make money.”

She pauses, collecting her thoughts. I can see questions dancing in her mind. Mine have been dancing all night, and once Joey said she’s sad and tired from doing it alone, all those thoughts came rushing to the forefront.

“Why are you really here, Jack?”

“I want to try again.”

She jerks her head to me in complete surprise, her face screwed up like I just suggested she jump off the highest building in Bluemoon.

“No.” Her answer is short, exactly what I expected, and I smile. “Is this a joke to you? Why are you smiling?”

“No, Coco, it’s not a joke.”

She narrows her eyes. “What happened to the boy I used to know?”

“He grew up.”

“Yeah, into a money-hungry prick.”

“I worked for you . You wanted out of this town, and I provided your way.”

“I made it out of this town on my own, thank you very much. ”

“Yeah, and who helped you start a new life?”

“Some life! You wined and dined me, married me, knocked me up then left! You didn’t give me what I needed.”

“The hell I didn’t.”

“We needed you! Not money or dinners sent to us because you were working late. Not going on vacations and flying on different planes to get there.”

“That happened once. Don’t throw that in my face.”

“Are you serious? You’re not hearing what I’m saying. I bet you don't even know why you want to try again.”

“I do. I want to be close to Joe. I want us to be a family.”

“Close in distance or close emotionally? Because if you think moving us to the city to do the same shit you used to do is going to happen, you’re sadly mistaken.”

“He told me you’re tired. He told me you’re sad. He hears you crying at night, telling January you can't do this alone anymore. Come back with me. Let me make it easier.”

“Moving won’t make it easier, Jack. You don't get it. You can't uproot his life. His life is here. Our life is here. We don’t need things, we have them, we needed you. ”

I sit back and think of all the times I left them to go on business trips.

Joe was just a baby, but I never woke him in the morning and never put him to bed at night.

If I was lucky to get home before Courtney gave him a bath before bedtime, I’d see him in passing but was too tired to help.

I’d eat the meal she prepared for me and then fall asleep on the couch.

“We were bad at loving each other,” I say.

“We weren’t bad at it; we just didn’t know how to change with it. We never moved beyond the teenage desire that we thought would last. It wasn’t enough to carry us through learning how to be adults together. ”

She’s right. We were essentially growing up with each other, learning and changing and not knowing what each other needed because we still didn’t know what we needed alone.

I was a twenty-year-old kid obsessed with money and sex.

She was a beauty on my arm and older investors took notice.

They liked the stability I had in my life, not knowing that the stability was fake.

It got me lots of jobs and investments, but in the end, it cost me everything.

I knew seeing her again would ignite everything inside of me. I’m not proud of what I did, but staying in the city when she left was the only answer for both of us. But only seeing my son at Christmas is the second worst thing I ever did. Now it’s time to make things right. But will she hear me?

“I want us to try, Courtney.”

“You’re going to give up your work?”

“I can’t give it up if it means taking care of you both.”

“No, you won’t, and I would never be the one to ask you to do it. But I will be the one to do the right thing for what my son needs though and make those decisions.”

“And he doesn’t need his father in his life every day?”

“He does need that, but you weren’t there before, so he doesn’t know what he’s missing. Don’t come in now if you’re not going to see it through. A week here and there is not going to make things better. If anything, it will make it worse, because he’ll come to depend on and need you all the time.”

“And you? What do you need?”

“It’s not about me anymore, Jack. And that's the difference between you and me. I gave up wanting anything for myself the minute Joey was born. You didn't.”

“I can want the woman I love and have my son. ”

She scoffs. “You don’t love me. You love the idea of us . There’s a big difference.”

Just then, a horn beeps twice from outside. She doesn’t move, only says, “Sounds like Larry is here. Don’t keep him waiting, you're probably his last call for tonight.”

I stand. “This conversation isn’t over, Coco. We have lots to still talk about.” I kiss her on her head, leaving my mug on the table and walking down the hall. Stepping into my boots and coat, I head out into the cold night wishing I could stay here instead.