Page 15

I feel dejected when I return to Ironhold for the night. I'm being pulled in so many different directions that I fear I will be torn apart. I barely pay attention through Lord Darius’s usual tribute to the slain, and head off alone to practice and keep out of the way of the others.

Cesca shoots me a triumphant smile as I do it, as if she believes she has won some kind of contest by catching Lady Elara’s attention. I don't bother to correct her. If anything, this is probably good for me because it means she won't be coming at my back again in a hurry. She won't have any reason to, because Lady Elara wouldn't send her at me.

At least I think she wouldn't. If I stand against her, it's hard to tell how she'll react. It's clear that she will do anything for her cause, and if she decides I am in the way of that, then I may be an obstacle to be removed.

For now, at least, that is only a small part of my problems. I stand there at the practice posts, pretending to go over my fight but actually thinking more about the aftermath. Thinking about my conversation with Vex and the one that followed with Lady Elara.

I'm so busy thinking about it all that I barely notice as Rowan approaches.

“You look as though you have a lot on your mind,” he says.

“I do but… it's related to everything we talked about before,”

I reply. I don't want to push him away further by talking about rebellion again.

“I need to apologize to you for that,”

Rowan says. “I saw your bout today. You shouldn't have had to fight alone like that. You should have people backing you up.”

“Even when it comes to something like rebellion?” I ask.

Rowan shakes his head. “I still don't want any part of something like that. I still think it's too dangerous for the people around us and for the ordinary folk. If you could give me a way that doesn’t cost everyone so much, maybe, but for now…”

he shakes his head. “I still don't want to lose you as a friend and as an ally in here.”

He reaches out a hand and I take it, feeling his strength. There was a time when I would have felt the urge for more than just that, when his presence so close to me would have fired something in me demanding that I move into the circle of his arms. Not now, though. Now, it seems that only Alaric affects me that way.

“Do you want to talk about it all?”

Rowan asks me.

“It's going to be tricky to talk about everything that happened if you don't want to know any details related to the unrest,” I say.

“I can listen, at least,”

Rowan says. “Even if I don't want to risk my life as a part of it, that doesn't mean I don't want to help you. What is it that has you so distracted? The rumors say it's because Lady Elara has suddenly picked Cesca as a favorite, but somehow I doubt it's about that.”

I sigh. “My new patron is Vex.”

Rowan looks worried at that. “He didn't do anything to hurt you, did he?”

He says it in a protective tone, but the truth is that if Vex had, there would be nothing either of us could do about it.

I shake my head. “No, he just took me out of the colosseum today to look around the city and see some of the things wrong with it. I saw the spots where people are being executed just for speaking out against corrupt officials. I saw the long lines of hungry people. In the crowds yesterday, there was someone who was shouting against the emperor's rule. There's so much wrong in Aetheria.”

Rowan nods. “That isn't hard to see. But there have been things wrong in it for a long time. This is a city where the nobles own some of us outright and the rest in all but name. Where we are made to fight to the death. Where the common people go hungry.”

In moments like this, he sounds as though he might be at the heart of a rebellion, but I can see why he's not. Rowan feels as though he has too much to lose.

“This feels different,”

I say. “It feels as though it's building up to something. Even the emperor seems to see it. That's why the games are so important to him now. He needs ways to distract the citizens. It's why he is forcing me to keep fighting.”

“I still say that Alaric wouldn't want that for you,”

Rowan says.

“Maybe not, but he wouldn't want to die either,”

I counter.

“Do you think it would save him to throw your lot in with one of the sides?”

Rowan asks.

“I'm… not sure,”

I admit. Perhaps before I had spoken with Lady Elara today, I might have believed that she would do something to save Alaric. Now, though, it seems clear that she doesn’t care about anything but getting revenge. Alaric is, at most, a sacrifice along the way. Exactly the kind of sacrifice I cannot allow. If anything, Vex is probably more likely to do something to save him, seeing Alaric as a fellow noble to be protected.

“That seems to me to be the problem with all of this,”

Rowan says. “There are lots of people who want your help, but none of them are clear about what they will do if they succeed.”

He has a point. It seems clear that Vex and his nobles merely want to replace one emperor with another. Some aspects of the system will change, and maybe that will be to the benefit of everyone but most things will remain the same. The nobles are not about to give away their slaves, or shut down the colosseum. Vex would be horrified by the very idea of that.

Is Lady Elara any better though with her beast whisperers? She has talked about making things better, but her methods will mean chaos and destruction on the streets, a wave of vengeance and blood. She will rebuild in the aftermath, and maybe things will be better, but I cannot stomach what it will take to get there.

It seems to me that neither will be doing anything for the starving common folk. Vex might have shown me them but I doubt he will do more than the bare minimum for them. He will root out corruption among the officials, but that alone will not put food in the mouths of the poorest people of Aetheria.

“A gladiator named Bella asked me if I would be interested in joining an uprising,”

Rowan says. “Does that mean you've been building support here as well?”

I shake my head. “She has been doing that herself.”

I haven’t talked to Rowan about her because I guessed he wouldn’t be interested. Bella represents another faction I need to consider. It's obvious that her faction is closer to the common people of the city, but they also seem caught up with its gangs, far too willing to allow them free reign over the city.

“Have you noticed that they're all coming to you for your help?”

Rowan says.

“I guess I'm useful to them,” I say.

He looks at me for several seconds. “It's a little more than that, Lyra. There's the prophecy, for one thing.”

“Do you think the emperor is right?”

I ask Rowan. “That I am either to save the city or kill the emperor?”

Rowan nods. “That's one thing I have no doubt about. If anyone in this place is going to be at the heart of events, it's going to be you. And who said that saving the city and killing the emperor were opposites? I'm pretty sure that every group in the city right now thinks that killing Tiberius is exactly the way to save the city.”

The reality of those words hits me like a stone. I have been confused about what my role in this is going to be. The emperor's own prophecy seemed so confused that it was impossible to make sense of it. But this… could Rowan be right?

Even if it doesn't come to that, it feels as though I am on the edge of a blade, balancing carefully trying to pick my way to safety. One slip, and there will be blood. But what if I can't avoid the blood? What if my only choice is who bleeds, and why?