Page 55 of Intense (Beneath The Blaze #3)

STEPHANIE

Song- Specter, Bad Omens.

I relax into his hold, my back against his chest, his warm breath hitting against my shoulder.

“This is nice,” I whisper.

He kisses my back.

“Very. Get some sleep, temptress.”

My eyes flutter closed. This feeling of safety wrapping me up and keeping me warm.

“Night, night, Finn.”

He strokes his fingers through my hair.

“Night, love.”

Before I drift off, he hugs me tighter. I can feel him relaxing too.

“I think we should do more of this, maybe it might be time for my wife to live with me.”

It isn’t a question.

“Oh, I can’t wait to see where my rich boy lives,” I tease him.

His arms tighten around me, his teeth sinking into my shoulder.

“What’s mine is yours, love.”

I smile as I drift off in his arms, with a happiness I haven’t felt for a long time, if ever.

His screams rip through the room, and I startle awake. Sitting up, I turn my bedside light on, creating a warm glow.

My heart is in my throat as I watch him scratching at his chest, as if he’s fighting something off of him.

“No. Get off me. Don’t touch me,” he cries out. It’s desperate and painful.

His voice is like a knife through my skin, piercing me.

Fuck. He’s having a nightmare.

“Finn, it’s me,” I whisper, trying not to wake him up too abruptly.

He could hurt me. Worse, he could kill me with one hand.

“No!” he screams.

I scoot closer, holding my breath as I reach out to his hand. He slaps me away, the contact brutal. I wince but stay where I am.

“Finn, baby. It’s just a nightmare. I’m here,” I say softly.

His eyes flash open, and I don’t recognize him; he’s dead behind the eyes. Evil.

A scream rips through me as he launches himself at me, pinning me on my back, his hand squeezing around my throat like he wants to take my life.

“Fuck you,” he spits.

“Finn!” I scream.

But I don’t fight him. I just need to get through to him. Wake him up.

“Finn, it’s me. Your wife,” I say harshly.

His body slumps, his grip on my throat less deadly, but still there. He blinks rapidly, focusing on me.

His face pales as he realizes what’s just happened.

I reach out to him, and he bats my hand away, shaking his head. He rolls off of me and onto his back, gasping for air.

I sit up, taking a shaky breath.

“Finn, are you okay?” I ask.

“I need to leave.” His voice is cold and cruel.

“No.”

I scoot closer, and he flinches.

He sucks in a breath as if it’s his last one.

“I could have killed you, Stephanie. Fuck.” He rips the duvet away and starts pacing the room, pulling at his hair.

“Get away from me, Stephanie. Don’t let me hurt you. Please.”

I don’t move. I’m not scared of him.

He’s desperately clinging on to reality, but something is haunting his dreams, and it’s slowly killing every part of him.

“I don’t want you to see me like this, Stephanie. This is my burden to deal with, not yours. I can’t be trusted around you.”

Tears start to burn in my eyes, but I hold them back. He won’t want my pity, my sympathy. He needs me to be strong for him. He needs me to help fight his demons, just like he does for mine.

“I’m your wife, Finn. Your problems are mine now, remember? I'm here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

His eyes lock onto mine.

“I’ll annul it as soon as my lawyer is awake.”

Shaking my head, I jump out of bed, closing the distance between us.

His breathing is still shallow, his eyes wild.

And all I can think is that this man needs me.

This is more than a rivalry. More than a wedding gone wrong.

This is about the man who pushed me to be better. Who studied me to know me better than I know myself.

Who listened to me.

Who showed me who I really am. And gave me things I never knew I needed.

He never gave up on me, and I won’t ever do that to him.

“Baby, it’s okay. Whatever it is you’re fighting, you can tell me. I am your wife. I’m your friend. You can trust me.”

He runs a hand over his face, letting out a ragged breath.

“Love, I think there is a point at which a person becomes too broken to fix.”

I shrug, taking another careful step towards him.

“Did I say I wanted you to be anyone else but you? If you changed, I’m not sure I’d like you so much.”

I grin, hoping to tease him back to life.

“I always knew you were fucking insane, Dr. Quinn. It’s part of the attraction here.”

He tilts his head to the side, that spark returning in his dead eyes.

Sliding my arms around his neck, I drag him down to me.

“I trust you. You’re the only man I’ve ever trusted. Please come back to bed.”

He shakes his head, brushing his nose against mine.

“I don’t want to go back there. It’s been so long since my last nightmare. I thought maybe I’d gotten better, that I’d finally get over it.”

I suck in a breath. The more he speaks, the more it resonates with my own past.

“Maybe it’s a sign to finally set it free. We gotta work through it to come out on the other side, Finn,” I whisper.

Stroking his cheek, I wipe away a tear, and the last part of my heart that I was protecting from him—just became his.

“I’m scared, love.” He speaks so quietly.

My own stream of tears is set free.

“I know, baby. I know. But by holding onto it, letting it live in your brain, you’re letting that memory win. You’re giving it power that it doesn’t deserve from you.“

“I just want to forget.”

“And one day, you will, I promise you. We can make new memories to replace the evil. We’ve got this. Come back to bed? Don’t let it win.”

He swallows but shakes his head.

“I really could have killed you, Stephanie.”

I nod in understanding.

“But you didn’t, Finn.”

“Not this time. But what about if it happens again? Sleeping with you in my arms is the calmest I’ve ever been, and it still happened. I can’t escape my nightmares. I can’t trust myself around you.”

“I’m aware of it now, we can take precautions.” I pause. “Like a gun in my nightstand maybe?”

A slow smile spreads across his lips.

“Temptress, this really isn’t a joke. I can’t lose you.”

I shrug.

“Sometimes you have to make light out of your trauma. I’m still standing. You choked me in your sleep, that's all. You have my consent to do whatever you want to me any time of the day, awake or not.”

He chokes on a cough.

“Don’t give me that kind of power over you.”

I place my hand on his bare chest.

“I can give you whatever the hell I want. It’s only mine to give. Now, why don’t you go and get some water and have a cigarette, I’ve got some stashed in my cupboard with the mugs. Clear your head under the stars, and when you’re ready, slip back into bed, cuddle me, and pretend it never happened.”

His finger strokes along my cheek, and he leans in, stealing a kiss from me.

“I’ll do that.”

“Good. And don’t go disappearing on me and running away, because I will chase you down, Dr. Quinn. You wanted me, you’ve got me, now you can’t leave me.”

I mean this more than he will ever know.

And as his face softens, it’s like he understands my silent plea. Don’t leave me.

“Never,” he whispers.

And then he’s gone.