Page 18 of Intense (Beneath The Blaze #3)
FINN
M y cell vibrates in my pocket. Sliding it out, I see Declan’s name on the screen. I drank far too much with the Volkovs last night.
“Brother. I’m five minutes from going to an award ceremony. What’s up?”
I can hear his new baby, Noah, crying in the background.
“I’ve got a meeting set with Theo and his brothers. Looks like next month we can go to London and fix this Bowen issue.”
I swallow.
“Next month? My Trials?”
Every year, we each host our own Decadence games. Our own spin on it. Mine is the Decadence Trials.
A science experiment in human limits and kink exploration.
How much pain can a person endure and still get off?
How far will the body go for freedom?
It’s fascinating.
My Trials are kept under lock and key. Only Reggie assists me—he’s the only one with a stomach tough enough.
My brothers? They’ve distanced themselves from the games. Hell, they’ve abandoned them completely since they found love.
Me? I use mine.
Because while we’re weeding out the disgusting fuckers in society, the ones willing to sacrifice a woman to us, to make her property?—
We free them.
After probably fucking with their heads. But I like to think of it as freeing them from evil.
They just have to earn it.
Just like we all have had to do to get somewhere in life. There is always a sacrifice.
My brothers aren’t bad. They’re not villains.
I, however, have always been the one called to do the shit no one else can.
I’m numb from it.
After having your humanity stripped from you at ten...
After witnessing what I did.
A child used for the gratification of adults.
I can’t say I possess the same humanity Declan and Conan do.
They have good hearts. Mom always said so.
Mine got cut out, stomped on, and buried with my abusers.
The real Finn Quinn died twenty-five years ago.
What’s left is the shell.
So no, my Trials don’t have the same level of grace.
Sexually—consent is always there. That’s non-negotiable.
I don’t touch them. No one does.
But what I make them do?
That’s the shit I’m going to hell for.
I was told to make the Trials believable.
There are rules. Challenges. It’s real life.
You have to earn your place in this world. It’s an initiation into true freedom for them.
“Look, Finn. I’ll speak to Enzo. We can delay your Trials for a few months?”
I hiss. That man's name sparks a rage in me like no other. To everyone else, he’s a fucking god that we have to bow down to. I see through him. The way he uses people. Hell, he’s smart. But he’s also conniving. I don’t trust him.
And quite frankly, I’m happy to keep pushing him out of the gates of Decadence.
We needed him once, we paid for our sins, six years is long enough. And gradually, it’s working.
But I’ll keep my games going to please him. Everything’s set. Ready to go.
Four women. Four rooms.
It’s about who can survive in their own head.
“Fine. We can delay. I’ll need to figure something out at work if I’m going away and doing the Trials.”
He sighs.
“You do know you don’t have to work, right? You’ve got billions sitting around.”
I shake my head, smoothing out my white shirt.
“You don’t understand, Declan.”
No one does.
If I quit, I tip the balance.
Into pure fucking evil.
While I’m working, I’m saving lives that matter.
That keeps me level. It stops me from thinking.
This mafia life was injected into my veins as a child. Doesn’t mean I want it to consume every part of me.
Medicine is my passion. It’s the only thing I won’t give up. Not for anyone.
“Maybe if you let us in, we would understand, Finn.”
I tut and shake my head.
“Sometimes holding back the truth is to protect, Declan.”
They don’t need to know what happened.
I’m not sure I could find the words even if I wanted to.
“Holding it in will kill you eventually.”
“I’m a doctor. I’ll be fine. I’ve got it sorted.”
So long as I don’t sleep too deep.
Don’t get high. I made that mistake before.
Don’t let myself think for too long… I’m fine.
Distraction is key.
It’s harder speaking to Declan than it is Conan. Declan remembers more from that day.
He saw the shift.
The Finn after the incident wasn’t the same boy.
So Declan had to grieve the loss of a brother, I suppose.
But I think it’s safe to say he still loves the man I became.
Conan, though?
He’s a little away with the fairies. We gotta keep him in check, make sure he doesn’t explode.
For me, that’s another distraction.
But I love them both. To death. That’s never changed. Never will.
I’m only here because of them.
My brothers are the last living piece of me.
Well, them and my niece and nephews now.
We lost our parents.
Lost our home.
And we rebuilt it into something unbreakable.
And if I’m the one who has to take the hits to protect it, then so fucking be it. I’m the one with nothing to lose.
“I’ll send you the dates once I have them, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Have a good night. I hope you win… again.”
A smile tugs at my lips.
“Yeah. Me too.”
It sends a thrill through me, thinking about Stephanie’s face when I collect that trophy.
It’s always a picture.
I wish I had a year-by-year collage of her expressions. Pure hatred. Absolute loathing.
It really drives me to do better.
Maybe she’s another distraction.
Or more like a drug.
An addiction.
One that’s probably going to fight back and kill me.
But I keep going back.
Her anger fuels me.
Or maybe… It’s the sparkle in her eyes when she tells me to fuck off.
I don’t know.
It’s fun.
For me, anyway.