Page 40 of In Doubt

I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“Probably,” Levi jokes.

I give him the finger for the second time today. If it wasn’t for the crazy sense of jealousy he’d stirred in me as he was riding off in that taxi with Giorgie this afternoon, I would never have bothered turning up for that dinner.

Jealous? I haven’t felt jealous for a long time. It was an emotion that sat raging in my chest when the wounds of my parents finding their new lives were fresh. But those wounds are old now and the jealousy faded long ago.

I’ve never felt jealous towards one of my packmates. Not when they’ve been picked for the team and I’ve been left on the bench. Not when they’ve scored the winning try. Not ever over a girl.

But the idea that she could like him, while hating me, had driven me half mad. Had had me dashing to that dinner faster than a cheetah on steroids.

Things seem to have shifted between us in the last few days. Our animosity has cooled, reformed into something resembling respect. I needed to know if I’d imagined it all. If it was real.

“I very nearly kissed Giorgie Martinelli.”

There’s silence for a moment, and I drag my gaze down from the sky to peer at my friends. They are all examining me with keen interest.

“Nearly?” Levi asks.

“Nearly,” I repeat.

Silence again.

“Oh, come on, mate!” Levi tosses a balled up napkin my way. “How can you nearly kiss a girl? What the hell actually happened?”

I duck the missile and rub at my chin. “I don’t know. She was looking up at me with big wide eyes, giving me that damn kiss me look.”

“You sure you interpreted that right?”

“Fuck knows,” I mutter. “I went in for the lean and then …”

“And then …” Dylan says.

“And then …”

“Shit, Jake, then what?” Aiden snaps.

“Some dude interrupted us and dragged her away. That dude who is always hanging out with her and I suspect has his eye on her.”

“Probably. She’s fucking hot, Jake.”

I slump back in my chair. “You should’ve seen her tonight. Every guy there had his tongue hanging out. I wanted to throttle the lot of them.”

The others exchange looks. “So what? You’re feeling sexually frustrated or something?” Dylan asks.

“He’s always felt sexually frustrated when it comes to Giorgie Martinelli.” Levi chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s not new.”

“Never got so goddamn close to kissing the wench before though, have I?” I mutter, wondering if that’s what this is. Just sexual frustration. The very real need to rut the woman senseless.

I look away towards the shimmering swimming pool. A dragonfly hovers above its surface, skating from one spot to another.

“Are you developing feelings for this girl?” Aiden asks me, the joking tone gone from his voice, replaced with something more serious. “Because I always thought it was just a sexual attraction thing.”

“I don’t know,” I say, which is the truth. “But I can’t afford to. She’s the only thing standing between me and my dream. I can’t get soft now.”

Aiden slaps me on the shoulder. “Come on, man. You got this. You made it this far. You can see it to the end. Keep your shit together. Don’t be swayed by that pretty smile and that fuck-me scent. That spot is yours.”

“Yeah,” I say without enthusiasm, knocking back the rest of the whisky. Easy for Aiden to say. I’d like to see him resist an omega like that, all wrapped up in a present of a dress, her body so close I could feel the heat of her damn skin. Could practically taste her.