Page 106 of In Doubt

He takes a deep inhale, dragging his hand down his face. “Better, better than she was, but still … fuck I’ve never seen her like that. I’ve never seen anyone like that.”

“It was some kind of panic attack. There was nothing we could do,” Levi says.

“No?” he says, shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have let her lock herself in the bedroom like that. It wasn’t right.”

“I think we had little choice.”

He sighs again. “Anyway, she’s going home. Called her brother to come fetch her.”

We all stand around in silence, the hiss of insects somewhere in the scrabbly undergrowth suddenly loud.

“Let’s get a drink,” Dylan says finally. “Fuck knows I need one.”

We walk around to the sun loungers and Dylan returns a moment later with the bottle of whisky and four tumblers. He pours us each a generous measure, the amber liquid catching in the fading sun, and passes them around.

I take a long sniff, driving away all the other aromas from my nostrils, then I sip at the stuff before resting it on my thigh.

“When are you heading back to the site?” I ask Jake, wanting to change the subject away from the thing that’s haunting us all.

“I’m not sure,” Jake says, swirling his whisky around his glass.

“What? You still have a couple of days to impress, mate. Why would you throw that away?” I question.

“Because I’m not sure it’s what I want anymore.”

I place my glass on the ground and stalk over to my packmate, hands on my hips, I tower over him perching on his lounger.

“Fuck, no, Jake. You’re not throwing everything away over some stupid fuck up with a girl.” My stupid fuck up. I scowl down at him, wagging my finger. “You deserve that spot on the professor’s team. You’ve worked hard for it. You’re not blowing it now. You’re hauling your arse to that site tomorrow and working until your hands bleed.” He glares up at me. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re being a pussy. Having a little sulk because some girl hurt your feelings.”

“You really are a tosser sometimes, Aiden,” he growls.

And though those words sear right through my heart, I manage a nonchalant smirk.

“Yeah, but a tosser who speaks the truth.” I rest my hand on his shoulder, holding on when he tries to shake it off. “I’m not letting you throw everything away because of this. What do we do on the pitch when we get beat? When one of us fucks up? Do we all sit around and cry about it? Did Levi bitch about his injury? No. We get back out there. We train hard. We do the physio every day even when it’s agony,” I say, pointing to Levi.

Jake stands, squaring up to me. He’s angry now, his jaw ticking and the vein on his forehead pulsing with blood.

Good.

I’d rather he beat the shit out of me than sitting around looking like he got his heart ripped from his chest. I can’t look at him like that, knowing it’s all my fault.

“It isn’t the same,” he says. “I don’t want it anymore. Not if it means taking it away from Giorgie.”

I stumble back, my mouth falling over. What? This has been Jake’s dream since I met him. He’s always wanted to grab that prestigious spot. Show those stupid parents of his that he is worth their time and attention.

Out by the trees a buzzard cracks its wings and lifts into the sky, circling over our heads.

“You think there’s any hope for us with her, then?” Levi asks, squinting up at him. There’s eagerness in his tone.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I never do with Giorgie. I think I’ve misunderstood her. I think I’ve misunderstood the situation.”

“Yeah?”

“I think …” Jake runs his hand through his hair, damp with sweat. “I think Giorgie’s been on blockers this whole time.”

We all stare at him.

“What?” Dylan mumbles