Page 19 of I’ll Be There (Montana Fire #4)

She shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it. “If only it were that simple.” She lay back on the dock, looking at the stars.

“Make it simple for me, babe. What’s going on?”

“I can’t sleep, Conner.”

Nothing on the other end, so, “Every time I close my eyes, I see the...the bear. Sometimes, yeah, I’m so tired I just fall asleep anyway, but I’m always—or nearly always—being chased.

Over and over until he catches me. I can actually smell his breath on me, feel his claws ripping into me.

I wake up screaming, sweaty, and it’s all fresh, as if it just happened. ”

“Oh, Liza. When did this start?”

“When I left Montana.” When I left you. “In the hospital, there was also noise, and you spent the night so often, and...I felt safe. Now...I sometimes sleep in my car. That helps.”

“You sleep in your car ?”

“It’s safe. I can lock myself in.”

“Oh, babe. Why didn’t you tell me?”

His tone of voice told her exactly how he had leaned forward, probably run his hand through his hair in his signature frustrated gesture.

“I thought after we were married it would just go away. But...if you’re gone all the time, then...”

“I’ll quit smoke jumping.”

“What—no, see, I don’t want you to quit. I hate this fear inside me. I was fine—before. But ever since the attack...maybe I’m just tired.”

“Of course you are. And this reception fiasco isn’t helping. I’m sorry I’m not there—I should be there. I’m coming right now—”

“No. Finish whatever you and Micah are doing. I’m fine. I’m at the Christiansens’, and I’ll probably stay here tonight. They’re trying to figure out how I should wear my hair.”

“Down. So I can run my fingers through it at the reception when we dance.”

He could always make her smile.

“So, what does the house look like?”

She heard him draw in a breath. “It’s a cabin with a loft. Two bedrooms, open kitchen and living area. Big windows looking out at Glacier National Park. I can sell it in a heartbeat.”

“No, Conner. You worked so hard on it. You can’t sell it.”

“It’s no big deal. Shh. We don’t have to decide today. Listen. Back when Micah and I were in Iraq, sometimes when we’d come home, I’d have trouble shaking off the stress. The smells, the sounds, the danger. Sort of a buzz under your skin, right?”

“Mmmhmm.” In fact, her skin itched, even as he said it.

“I’d sometimes—and I know this sounds crazy—go to a coffee shop and put on earphones, like I was listening, you know?

And I’d close my eyes and go to sleep. It was the smell of the fire in the hearth, the scent of coffee—there’s always coffee in the military—and the voices.

A hum around me. It felt normal. See if you can grab the sofa in the lodge, ask them to keep the television on, real low.

You’ll be surprised how you can sleep if you think there are people in the room who can keep an eye on you. ”

A burr hung in her throat. “We should have eloped, like you said. Then the television wouldn’t have to be my friend.”

She almost felt his grin on the other end of the phone. “No. But we’re not eloping. I want my friends to see my beautiful bride. And I plan to show up in my tux and take your breath away. So...you’re nearly there, honey. Okay? And then I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. I promise.”

Oh, she wanted to lean into his words. “That’s your third promise, Conner. Let’s not get crazy.”

“I’m already crazy, babe.”

She laughed as she hung up and pressed the phone to her chest, Pastor Dan’s words thrumming through her. When your heart’s desire is the will of the Lord, above everything else, then life loses its threat, because His love will carry us through every situation.

God’s love, through Conner, perhaps.

But she didn’t want him to give up his job—not when he loved it so much.

She got up, rubbed her hands down her arms. They still itched, and she found herself scratching as she walked back up the trail. She swallowed, but couldn’t quite clear the rasp from her throat, either. Her eyes still burned, Conner’s voice wheedling his way inside her like a hum.

Wow, she missed him tonight.

Grace had returned to the deck when Liza came into the glow of the outside lights.

“Conner?” Grace asked, and Liza nodded.

“Did you tell him we’re playing bingo at your reception?”

Liza looked at Mona.

“It’s just an idea—oh my, Liza, what happened?” Mona got up, advanced on her. “Your arms, your neck—you’re all blotchy and...wait, are these hives?” She took Liza’s hand, held out her arm, grabbed the other one.

Down both arms, red splotches rose, nearly covering her skin. Liza touched her neck, felt them there. And her throat seemed even tighter. “I can’t swallow...”

“Sit down.” Mona led her over to the lounger. “Can you breathe?”

As a matter of fact, her chest felt tight. “I...”

“I’m getting my keys,” Grace said at the door. “That looks like an allergic reaction.”

“But—how?” Liza stood up, Mona at her elbow. Yep, her breaths came harder. Oh no, now she would die twenty-four hours before her wedding. Nice, just perfect.

Ivy grabbed her other elbow. “Ingrid, we’ll call you from the hospital.’

Hospital? Oh no—

“Do you have food allergies?” Ivy asked. “Wheat? Sugar? Milk?”

She shook her head. Grace opened the back passenger door to her SUV. “How about nuts?”

“No. I can eat peanut butter—”

“No, I’m talking tree nuts—like the pecans Mom puts in the cookies.”

“I...I don’t know. I don’t normally eat...pecans...” Oh, and now she really couldn’t breathe.

Grace got into the front seat. Mona slid in beside her. “Just slow, even breaths now, Liza. It’s going to be okay.”

Oh why didn’t she just elope?