Page 18

VIOLET

“T his is not happening.”

Kenji was racing down the road as if he couldn’t get away fast enough. The forest sped past so quickly that it blended into a blur of browns, oranges, yellows, and raindrops hammered on the windshield like bullets.

“We take our things and go back to the Coven” he added, and it sounded more like he was talking to himself rather than us. “Immediately.”

“He was right, you know” I mumbled. “The decision is mine to make. It’s up to me whether I give him my power or not.”

Nicholas turned, that vague peace I’d seen earlier on his face long gone. “You don’t get it. It’s not about that.”

“You likely wouldn’t be giving him your power alone” Quinn said softly. “Something would keep you tied to him well after the end of the deal, love.”

I shifted my gaze, staring at them one at a time. “Are you sure about that? Positive? Or is there just a chance of it happening?”

The tense silence that followed told me enough.

“Because Daisy being in danger isn’t just a possibility” I went on, lowering my voice. “It’s the truth. It’s happening right now. This is the only way to get to her and take her back home.”

Kenji shook his head. “We’ll find something else.”

I was about to snap at him, but something stopped me. While he was being his usual bossy self, something was clearly bothering him. Something that went deeper than my refusal to obey his orders. Truthfully, all of them looked upset, like the idea I might actually go along with Elphias’s deal frightened them.

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want this to turn into another screaming match, especially not while in a moving car.

“Kenji” I called, softening my voice as much as possible. “Slow down. It’s raining, and you’re upset. I don’t want us to get hurt.”

“I’m going the speed limit.”

“Still” I replied. “Let’s get back to the motel safely and talk about this, okay?”

“No need to talk about anything” was his response. “You’re not doing it.”

He still slowed down, though, and nobody said a word for the rest of the car ride. We hadn’t been out long, yet somebody had been there to clean the room: the sheets had been changed, the floors swept, the surfaces dusted.

Kenji got to the table in big steps and bent down to grab our bags, his movements as neat and precise as ever.

“Hey. Talk to me for a second.”

“You aren’t doing it” he replied, getting back up and shoveling the bags onto one of the beds. “Use the restroom if you need to. We leave in ten minutes. I’m filling up the tank.”

Before he could storm off, I positioned myself before him with my arms spread out. With half an eye, I could see Quinn sitting on the edge of a bed and Nicholas leaning against the wall right by the window.

“Kenji, please. Are we going to have the same fight over and over again?”

“Yes, as long as you’re safe” he said, crossing his arms.

I looked at him from below as I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to get mad. It would be pointless. “This is the reason we’ve been fighting,” I murmured, " the absolute lack of trust you have in me.”

Loud protests came from all three, but I kept talking like I hadn’t heard them.

“How you think I constantly need protection, that I don’t know any better.” I touched my chest, trying to shove back the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. “Let me remind you, I managed to survive for twenty-five years on my own before I met you.” My gaze found Quinn’s, then Nicholas’s, then went back to Kenji’s. “That doesn’t mean I don’t need you or that I don’t appreciate what you do for me. It just means I need you to stop deciding for me when I’m perfectly capable of doing it on my own.”

“It’s not our fault your decisions tend to fucking suck” Nicholas snapped, walking to us. “Let it go. You’re not giving him shit, Princess.”

I felt a pang of annoyance. “Why don’t you understand? My best friend is in danger! What would you do if it were one of you guys to be trapped in the fae realm? Wouldn’t you be willing to do anything?”

“Of course we would” Quinn carefully said, joining us with slow, calm steps. His eyes were wide, an apprehensive light in them. “But please, love, try to understand. It’s far too dangerous.”

“And I’m putting my safety on the line” I insisted as I stepped back. “Not yours. I’d never do that.”

“Exactly.” Kenji had spoken clearly, matter-of-factly, his tone sharp as a blade. “You’d never risk our safety just like we’d never risk yours.”

I shook my head. “That’s different. I don’t control you the way you do with me. It’s my best friend we’re talking about, for fuck’s sake! She’s probably all alone and scared and hoping for someone to save her.” I stared at them, well aware of the tears spilling out of the lower rims of my eyes. “I’m not leaving her.”

“It’s not like we’re asking you to” Nicholas sharply replied. “We’ll find another way. It won’t be this one, though.”

“But it could be too late by then!” I screamed, losing my battle to stay calm. “She needs me now; she’s my best friend! If I mess up, then I mess up, but at least I—”

“You what?” Nicholas’s shout was even louder. It shook my bones and made me take a step back, his aggressiveness hitting me like a tsunami. Judging the way his eyes had widened, he’d realized. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to shout at you, but do you even hear yourself? Messing up could mean losing you, and we can’t. We just can’t.”

“Why?” I weakly asked, gripping the hem of my sweater. I was about to say something unfair and untrue, but I was tired, confused, scared. I wasn’t in my right mind. “I bet you’d have no trouble finding a replacement.”

Silence, thick and uncomfortable, fell into the room. Nicholas rubbed his mouth and turned around to face Kenji and Quinn, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you hearing her? She still thinks it’s because of the fucking Team. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable!”

Quinn and Kenji exchanged glances, then turned to look at Nicholas, busy pacing around the room like a caged animal. They were having one of those silent conversations I never got invited to.

“I’m not following” I said, trying to get their attention back. “Would you be so kind as to fill me in? What are you talking about?”

“You, love.” Quinn gave me a gentle smile. “We’re always talking about you.” He slowly turned in Nicholas’s direction. “It’s not her fault. We gave her mixed signals.”

I was starting to understand the topic of conversation, but I didn’t dare to admit it. “Let’s go back to Daisy now.”

“Let’s not” Nicholas roared, devouring the space between us in huge strides. He had a feral look in his eyes. “Not yet. Now you listen, okay? Because we tried not to pressure you, to let you figure things out on your own, but you still think the only damn reason we worry is you being part of this Team when we’ve proven multiple times that it’s not the case.”

"Nicholas." It sounded like a plea. I had no way of knowing whether I was asking him to shut up or keep going. "I don't think it's the right time or—"

“I love you,” he said, his tone both urgent and exhausted, like those three words had been the heaviest load he’d ever had to carry. Like he’d held onto them for far too long, and he was finally ready to hand them over to me. “I love you, Violet. And I don’t want to spoil anybody else’s confession, but I’m not the only one.”

Love.

The word bounced endlessly in my head as I stared blankly at my boys. Neither Kenji nor Quinn were denying Nicholas’s words. They were just staring as one could stare at an unexploded device: with full attention and maybe, just maybe, a pinch of fear.

Love.

It tasted unfamiliar on the tip of my tongue. Foreign. Four letters tied to a concept that I didn’t fully comprehend, not romantically speaking at least. Well, I did comprehend it, just not when the recipient was me.

“There you have it” he concluded, his tone aggressive, though I was starting to recognize that he did it as a form of protection. “The whole fucking truth.”

I blinked, taking an uncertain, unstable step back. “What does this mean?”

“It’s a simple concept, really” Kenji murmured, staring right into my soul. “Aren’t you familiar with it?”

“I don’t… I…” I swallowed and then asked the most atrocious question I could think of: “Why?”

He strode in my direction unhurriedly, cocking his head to the side. “Why? Is that what you want to ask, Violet?”

When I failed to respond, he gave me a curt nod, still walking in my direction. “I can give you reasons if that’s what you need.” He licked his lower lip. “Your stubbornness. Your compassion. The way you’re always wary about other people’s feelings and needs. How you stand up to me—to us. Your nose scrunch when you focus. The way you put your life in danger to save Mei when she was nothing but a stranger to you.” He stopped before me, chest rising and falling at a normal rhythm. I, on the other hand, was hyperventilating. “I can go on, Violet, but it won’t change the nature of my feelings for you.”

I couldn’t say anything. My throat was too dry, and my mind was tangled up with thoughts that couldn’t find their place.

“I’d like to add a few of my own” Quinn chimed in when Kenji took a step back. He stood and approached me, lips stretched in a playful, lopsided grin. “Do I have your permission?”

Since I couldn’t speak, I forced myself to nod. I didn’t want to hear any of that, but at the same time, I couldn’t stop listening. My heart was drinking their words like a half-dead plant left to dry in August’s sun.

“Our souls speak the same language” he murmured, soft fingertips caressing my cheek. “Even if nobody in the world understood, I know you would. You always do. You’re fierce, brave, and held onto your gentleness despite the world being nothing but cruel to you.” His fingers slid off my face as he tilted his head, pure adoration in his eyes. “You make me feel safe, loved… at home. You confirmed what my friends, my brothers, made me suspect a long time ago.” His hand found mine and squeezed it. “Home isn’t a place. It never was. Home is wherever my foolish family is. And you, love, you’re a crucial part of this family.”

I swallowed hard. Again, I found myself at a loss for words, my feelings too big and intricate to voice them. A part of me feared I was dreaming, because everything felt too surreal to be true.

“I’ll stop speaking before Nicholas beheads me” he whispered, his voice loud enough for everyone to hear.

Nicholas, still standing several feet away, was staring at me with his lips pressed into a rigid line. “What?” he finally snapped. “What do you want me to say? That I love you because you defended me from my shitty father? Because you never, not fucking once, hesitate to throw yourself right into the arms of danger just to protect us? Us?” he repeated in a bitter laugh, pointing at all three of them. “Because you see the good even in the shittiest scumbags and make me believe I’m worthy of loving you?” He threw his arms up and let them fall back down, a devastated expression on his face. “There, I said it. Are you happy now?”

I wouldn’t call what I was feeling happy. I didn’t have a name for it at all. It was messy and overpowering, painful at times, ecstatic in flashes, impossible to identify.

“You don’t have to say anything” Quinn uttered. “We don’t expect anything from you. We just deemed it fair to be sincere with you so that you could understand the nature of our worry.”

I drew in a sharp breath, nodding almost robotically. Shock and fear had a rancid taste in my mouth. My boys had voiced my feelings for them up to the very last. And those big, scary emotions had appeared manageable when kept hidden in the dark, safe in my private bubble, but now they were out there. Solid, all of a sudden. Somehow mutual.

My brain was short-circuiting.

“I’m going to need some time to process what you’ve just told me” I managed, shoving the words out with some effort. “Thank you for opening up to me. Now I get… I get why you tend to be so overprotective.” I moistened my chapped lips with the tip of my tongue. “I don’t want you to worry, but this is my best friend. I can’t just leave her.”

“You won’t.” Kenji moved closer, bending his neck to look at me. “We’ll find a way, Violet. But please, please, I’m begging you.” He cupped my face with his big, calloused hands, the worry in his eyes shocking me more than all the confessions I’d got in the last ten minutes. I’d never seen him show so much emotion before. “Don’t put yourself in danger. I can’t stand the thought. It kills me.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, throat closing up. “But what if she dies?”

“Fae don’t usually kill mortals” Nicholas grumbled, somewhere behind Kenji’s back. “They play with them, push them to their limits. They use them as entertainment. Killing them would go against their interest.”

Well, that certainly didn’t make me feel better.

“I know it’s horrible to hear, love.” Quinn tilted his head slightly. “But it means we have time to save your friend.”

I wiped a tear rolling down my face. I trusted them. I knew I could. And if there was a way of saving Daisy without giving up such an important part of me, I couldn't ignore it. "Okay" I said, nodding as if trying to convince myself. "Okay. Let's do it your way. But if something irreversible happens to her…"

The air in the room immediately shifted: it got lighter as if someone had opened a window to let thick smoke out.

“It won’t” was Nicholas’s response. “I’ll dig a hole to hell and make a deal with demons themselves if it comes to it.”

I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. "Bold of you to assume I'd let you do it."

I was still shaken, scared, and a part of me felt like a horrible friend, but I trusted my boys. I trusted my Team. We’d find a solution to save Daisy.

Two knocks at the door broke the silence. We all turned in its direction, the tension in the room growing thick.

“Uh-uh, is anyone home?”

Elphias. I recognized his voice immediately.

“Stay back.” Nicholas walked past me in heavy steps, pulling the door open without a hint of hesitation. “I thought you’d said we had a couple of hours.”

He shifted his weight from foot to foot, opening his arms wide. “What can I say? I got impatient.” His eyes moved past him to land right on me, that voracious glint still burning bright in them. “Have you made your decision, young lady?”

"I have" I replied, trying to speak in a loud, confident voice. There was no going back from there. "My answer is no. Thank you for your time."

Nicholas tried to close the door in his face, but at the last moment, Elphias stopped it with a hand, peeking at us from the small gap. “You don’t look too sure. Want to maybe rethink your choice?”

I inhaled deeply, looking at him in the eye. I'd made up my mind. I wouldn't change it now. "No. I trust my Team, and I will find another solution to our problem. Again, thank you for your time."

Elphias clicked his tongue, but then curled his mouth into a small smirk. "Alright, then. Your loss. Good luck to all of you." And then the pavement quite literally opened below him and devoured him whole, not leaving a single trace of his passage.

“I fucking hate that guy” Nicholas groaned, shuddering, as he finally shut the door. “Gives me the creeps.”

I agreed.

As the boys dispersed, I stood motionless in the middle of the room, my mind looping the last few minutes non-stop. Fear kept biting and scratching me, but something else was there—a sort of satisfaction for standing my ground so well.

Two hands moved my ponytail on my right shoulder. “That’s a good girl” Kenji’s low voice muttered in my ear.

My body stiffened. Memories of the night before flooded me, along with sensations that had me instinctively closing my legs. “Stop” I warned him, turning and taking a step back. “Don’t say that.”

He raised his eyebrow. “Why not?”

I cleared my throat, trying hard not to look away. I had to constantly remind myself that being embarrassed didn’t make any sense, not after what we’d done. “Because it makes me feel a certain way.”

Kenji hummed, moving in my direction. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It is, since you don’t want to… to…”

“To?” he inquired, taking yet another step toward me. “Be nice and finish that sentence for me, Violet.”

I ignored the heat in my cheeks and held his stare, honestly grateful for the distraction. I just needed to get my mind off things for a short while, or else I would explode. “Since you don’t want to fuck me” I admitted, my voice shaking.

Something darkened in his gaze, and he stopped dead in his tracks, still as a statue. “I don’t want to fuck you” he repeated, as if tasting the words on his tongue.

Somewhere in the room, Quinn chuckled, and Nicholas scoffed.

“You asked why I didn’t participate, last night” he went on, tilting his head. “Do you still want to know?”