Page 18 of Ice & Sweet

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

André

The snow had half melted by the following morning and the sky was clear and bright, the midwinter sun warming my face as I wheeled my suitcase out to the car. There was an uneasy feeling sitting heavily in my stomach and every footstep felt like I was trying to wade through concrete.

Reality was clawing at the edges of the bubble Luke and I had built for ourselves over the past few days, and I knew we weren’t going to be able to escape for much longer. Both of us had to get back to London and back to our lives, and I almost resented the world for intruding on our peace.

And as much as I was sick of the snow, I wished it could have stuck around for another day or so to give us more time.

Luke was already by his car talking to the mobile tyre fitter he’d found, who’d been able to come out and replace his busted tyre. The guy had called when we’d been finishing up breakfast to say he was on his way, and the two of us had exchanged a look because we’d both quietly hoped it would take him a while to get here.

But now the tyre was changed, checkout had passed, the sun was shining, and the roads were clear. And we’d run out of excuses not to go home.

I supposed we could drive into Swallow Hill and go for a wander round, look at the shops, maybe get some lunch in a café before heading back, but that would mean getting back to London in rush hour and I couldn’t imagine anything worse. Plus I had to get the car back by five or face a ridiculous amount of late fees and disgruntled phone calls from someone wondering where the hell I’d gotten to.

“All sorted?” I asked Luke as I stopped in front of my car and opened the boot to slide my suitcase in.

“Yeah, all done,” he said, watching as the tyre man got back in his van. “And I’ve got a proper spare too. There’s room in the boot for one, so the guy gave me one to put in it just in case.”

“That’ll help, although you’ll still have to ring someone to change it if you ever get a puncture.”

“Another reason to keep in touch with you then,” he said. “So you can come and rescue me.”

“You should probably learn. It’s not hard to change a tyre.”

“True but then you wouldn’t come, and that’s what I really want,” he said with a playful smile.

I shook my head as I put my suitcase in the car and closed the boot. “Am I your roadside assistance now?”

“Only for tyres. Unless you’re also secretly a mechanic as well.”

“No, sorry,” I said, smiling ruefully. “My dad thought about teaching me but gave up about twenty minutes into our first lesson. Apparently, me and internal combustion engines don’t mix. Besides, it’s really hard to work out what’s wrong with most modern cars without one of those diagnostic computers.”

“And when you’re a former member of an internationally renowned and record-breaking boy band, you can just pay someone to fix stuff for you.”

“That too.”

I closed the gap between us and pulled him in for a kiss because it felt like an age since I’d last kissed him and the next few days were going to be a drought. “Are you ready to head off?”

“Yeah,” he said, the reluctance in his voice echoing my own. “Maybe we can stop at a services about halfway? Get a coffee together?”

“I’d like that. I’ll follow you all the way back like a lost puppy.”

“If only.”

“We’re going to be in the same city, though,” I said. “And I’ll message you so much you’ll be bloody sick of me by the end of the week.”

“Promises, promises.” Luke kissed me again, his arms slung around my neck. I gazed at him fondly, trying to memorise every detail of his face. “I do need to say goodbye to Kane and Austin before we go, though.”

“Me too. Last time I saw them, they were with Laurie and Theo in the snug. And I’m pretty sure I heard someone mention something about stuffed mice?”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense,” Luke said with a nod while I remained completely baffled by the situation. “Theo collects taxidermy and I’m pretty sure he gives it to friends as gifts? I wouldn’t be surprised if he got some for Kane and Austin as a wedding present.”

I pursed my lips, my eyes going wide. “Okay…” I said slowly, not really sure how to proceed with that knowledge. I knew taxidermy was a thing but in all honesty it seemed very weird.

I guessed everyone needed a hobby, but it wasn’t one I wanted anything to do with.

“Yeah, but they’re actually kinda cute. Theo posted some of the ones he’s got on Instagram and I can sort of see the appeal. I mean, he’s got a raven with a top hat.”

“Okay, but if you ever bring a stuffed mouse into anywhere we’re together, I will never come and change your tyres again.” I shuddered. “It’s creepy as fuck.”

“What about a nice stuffed frog?”

“Absolutely not! That’s even worse.”

Luke laughed, the sound bright and beautiful. “Aww, what’s wrong with poor little frogs?”

“Frogs belong in ponds, not my living room! And the same goes for mice, rats, birds, and anything else that belongs outside,” I said, fully aware I sounded like a stuffy old man.

“Don’t pout, baby,” he said, kissing me quickly. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to ambush you with a stuffed mouse for Christmas.”

“Thank you.” I returned his kiss, warmth spreading through my chest. It did raise one question, though—was it too early to ask about Christmas plans? And presents. Because I didn’t want to get Luke anything if he’d be uncomfortable with it, but I’d always loved spoiling my partners. That was the one good thing about having stupid amounts of money—it meant I could buy people whatever they wanted and make all of their dreams, big and small, come true.

And yeah, the money wouldn’t last forever but my parents had insisted on me saving and investing a large chunk of it so I’d still have something to live on when my boy band days were over. Sometimes I wondered if we’d ever get to the stage of wanting to do a reunion tour or album, but right now we were all too happy doing our own things to think about getting back together.

Maybe in ten years when we were bored and there was enough distance between us and the strict, confining days of our youth that we started to look back on our pop star days with fondness rather than disdain.

Although Haru had never reached the disdain part, just cynicism, and had used that to develop the wildly successful solo career that only one person ever seemed to manage out of any pop group.

Luke sighed, his mouth a half smile that almost resembled a grimace. “We should probably go and say goodbye. Get on the road before it starts snowing again.”

“Are we meant to get more snow?”

“Dunno, but knowing our luck we’ll get three foot dumped on us as soon as we get back to London.”

“Would that be so bad?” I asked. “You could come to mine and we could spend our days in bed.”

“Mmm, tempting as that sounds, I’ll still have to go to the bakery. But if your rehearsals get cancelled, then you’re more than welcome to come and keep me company.”

“I’m an excellent dishwasher,” I said.

“Perfect, I can pay you in kisses and cake scraps.”

“If there’s cake involved, I’m there.”

We were putting our departure off with every second and both of us knew the clock had just about run out. We might be able to stretch it a little further in saying goodbye, especially since there was a good chance we’d get chatting to Kane and Austin, but soon our bubble would pop and we’d be firmly back in reality.

“Okay, let’s go find them,” I said, taking Luke’s hand in mine and turning to face the hotel. There were a few other guests trickling out of the front doors, blinking back into reality under the crisp December sun.

We walked back across the car park and up the steps to the door, and I dug a cloth out of my pocket to clear the fog that immediately clouded my glasses. When I put them back on, I noticed Luke watching me with a smile that somehow made it feel like I’d been simultaneously kicked in the stomach and kissed senseless. It made no sense, but I guessed most things to do with relationships didn’t.

I hoped the feeling never went away, though.

I wanted to feel it every time Luke looked at me.

It was easy to find Kane and Austin in the snug, sitting in a couple of comfortable armchairs by the fire and saying goodbye to some other guests, empty mugs and plates with a dusting of crumbs sitting on the table next to them.

As I anticipated, we got distracted and ended up chatting for thirty minutes and exchanging endless hugs for the next ten, promising to catch up in the new year when they got back from their honeymoon.

“Take care of yourself, yeah?” Kane said as he squeezed me tightly. “And fucking go for it. You and Luke are perfect for each other, okay? Don’t hold back.”

“I won’t,” I said. “I’m just worried about making it work with everything.”

“Babe, trust me, you can do it. If Austin and I can, you can too. I promise.” He kissed my cheek and gave me a final squeeze before stepping back to look at both of us. “Drive safe, okay? And let me know when you get back.”

“Will do,” Luke said, reaching out to give Kane a final hug. “Love you so much, babe.”

“Love you too. And thank you for everything. You’re amazing,” Kane said before muttering something else I didn’t catch.

Some other guests appeared to say their farewells, so Luke and I gave them a final wave before heading out, walking so slowly it was almost like the ground was treacle.

“You’ve got my number, right?” I asked as we approached our cars.

“Maybe? Let me check.” Luke pulled his phone out. “No, shit. I haven’t. I mean, it’s probably on one of the threads for the wedding but…”

“Let me give it to you now. Then you can call me when you want to stop for a coffee. Otherwise I’ll end up driving straight past you and we’ll end up trying to play catch-up.” I put my number into his phone and handed it back, the realisation that this was it hanging heavily between us.

It was silly, really, considering we were going to see each other in a couple of hours when we stopped. And we’d probably message all evening once we got home.

But it still felt like the end of something.

I could only hope it was the beginning of something too.

“Okay, sounds good,” Luke said, sliding his phone into his pocket and biting his lip. “And maybe we can meet up again later this week? Just let me know what your schedule is like.”

“I will,” I said as I pulled him into my arms and kissed him. “I’ve got it all written down. You let me know when you’re free too. I don’t want to bother you if you’re busy.”

We kissed again. And then once more for luck. And a final one for the road.

And then with a final hug, it was time for us to part.

I climbed into my car and watched Luke do the same, my eyes continuously straying over to him as I tried to set the satnav up, knowing I’d get lost without it and spend hours circling around Swallow Hill.

I sighed as I put the car into reverse, knowing this weekend had fundamentally altered the course of my life but still hating that it was over.

My Spotify connected and began blasting my beloved musicals playlist that I’d been listening to on Friday, but I wasn’t in the mood to sing along. Instead I turned it off so I could stew in silence as I headed out of the car park and onto the road outside, which was clear of snow and far easier to drive on than I’d imagined.

In fact, the only remaining snow seemed to be dusted on some of the nearby fields and clinging to some of the hedges as if the whole thing had been some kind of fever dream.

“At least you got an extra day,” I muttered to myself as I followed Luke into Swallow Hill, past all the little shops adorned with twinkling Christmas lights and people bundled up against the cold. The whole place was picture-perfect and so festive it would’ve made even the meanest Scrooge reconsider their position. But I was in no mood to be jolly.

I knew I was being petty and sulky, but I was alone in a car, so there was nobody to stop me and I wasn’t going to stop myself.

We made another turn, back towards the motorway, driving past the site of Luke’s blowout and our Friday meeting. And just as we did, my phone rang, Luke’s name flashing up on the touch screen in the middle of the dashboard.

“Hey,” I said, frowning as I answered. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m bored already. And I miss you, which is crazy, I know, but still.”

I chuckled. “It’s been twenty minutes.”

“Yeah, I know!” I could hear him smiling and it instantly lifted my mood. “So, I figured that since we have a long drive back and we have to make it separately, we could keep each other company like this.”

Another kick to the chest. Another invisible kiss. Another moment where I fell a little bit further for him.

“Sounds good to me,” I said. “What do you usually listen to on long drives?”

And with that I knew we’d be talking all the way back to London.