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Chapter Sixty-One

Why are you doing this to me?

I don’t know how long I stood in the street looking after you. Beauty, I can’t tell you how angry I am. My insides tighten up painfully because I had to pull myself together so much around you.

But when I saw you flinch, and it was because of me and my impulsive nature, it immediately grounded me. I can’t be around you like this. You must never see my dark side. You’ve already been through enough, and just thinking about him beating you for years makes me want to burn the entire world down; it makes me so angry.

“FUCK!” I yell, clutching my head to silence the angry voices inside.

The darkness inside me demands revenge for you, and I would kill your husband in a heartbeat if you asked me to. But you are too good, too pure. You’ve just proved that to me once again. That’s why I have to get better, so I can deserve you at all.

Still, I can’t handle the loud voices and their anger, which becomes mine. It all overwhelms me. That's why I storm into my club, crank the music up to full volume, strip off my shirt, shoes, and socks, and head straight to the back corner where my punching bag hangs. I need to blow off steam before I end up doing something I'll regret. Maybe I shouldn’t even go home today, because I know you will argue and I will want to kill him. I want to snap his neck like a thin twig if he scares you.

My bare fists hit the cold leather harder and harder. I haven’t even bothered to bandage my hands. I’m too angry. I am too upset and need this now. The pain. My pain, to distract myself somehow. Fuck, Beauty!

I should be completely euphoric now that you’ve told me you want to leave him for me. For us! Us. This little word lifts the veil of anger and lets me see more clearly again. You want me. You love me… You will be mine. Mine alone! Forever mine…