Page 34

Chapter 34

Alexis

I’m not sure who told the rest of the hockey team about what happened, but the second Blake’s car stops in front of the house they rush through the front door.

With their tall and broad bodies, they form a protective wall around the path, shielding me as if they were my own sexy secret service.

It’s such a kind gesture that for a moment it takes me aback, and tears brim my eyes as I look anywhere but at them. I try to open my mouth and express my gratitude, but nothing comes. Instead, I run for the door and up the stairs, not stopping until I’m in the safe haven of Blake’s bedroom.

Because I know Blake’s teammates would never hurt me. They are frighteningly loyal to my brother and know both he and Blake would kill them if they touched me. But Hudson was on that team too, once. And they are just as tall and broad and intimidating as he is.

So while I would love to go down the line and give each of them a big hug, I can’t. Not now, now without flashing back to last night.

My inner child is crying, and for once there is nothing I can do to comfort her, to show her this is temporary and things will be okay. Because while this might fade with time, this world will never truly be safe for us.

Evil will always be lurking in the shadows, and whether we escape it or not it will never go away. So instead of trying to comfort her with words we both know are lies, I turn to her favorite method of dealing with heavy emotions: hiding.

It’s not the healthiest, or the most mature, but as far as bad coping mechanisms go it is by far the least destructive option. I crawl over to Blake’s closet, toss out his stinky shoes and curl up in the void. Lucky comes to press his head in my lap in silent support, and that little gesture is enough to shatter me.

Loud, painful sobs tear through me, and for once I let them. I am all alone, anyway. I could wipe my tears, use makeup as a shield and pretend I’m fine like I have done for the past year. But what good would that do?

No. I’m done pretending. Pretending to be okay, to not be angry—no, fuming at the school board for letting Hudson stay. That it took everything that happened last night for the cops to take me seriously. That I had to recount every detail from the past year to the cops twice this morning because they sent in an uncaring rookie first. But I’m also done pretending to be strong, that my pain is mild and manageable and my bone-deep exhaustion is just a bit of fatigue.

I am done pretending I’m anything that I’m not.

But most of all, I’m just done .

There’s a commotion downstairs and I hear loud footsteps in the hall, but no one comes. The noise fades as quickly as it came, leaving me in the quiet misery of my sobs.

I don’t know how long I sit like that, sobbing all alone in a tiny dark closet. It could be minutes, hours. Time is a concept I have lost all understanding of, and I cannot bring myself to care either.

At some point, the tears dry up.

The numbness makes me fidgety, having me pace the floor with Lucky at my heels. He stays at my side when I head to the bathroom to freshen up, the house is empty save for a shadow at the front door and a soft rummaging in the kitchen. Still, I don’t dare shower.

Amid the silence I find Blake at the stove, stirring a pot with clenched fists, clearly seething. But his muscles unclench the moment he sees me, and his face softens.

“Hey,” he says, leaning down to pet Lucky. “I didn’t expect you down so soon. How are you feeling?”

We both know I feel like shit, so I skip his question to save us both a lie. “Where did everyone go?”

Blake leans against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest as if to keep himself from moving. Conflict swirls in his eyes as he searches my face, no doubt seeing every trace of evidence of my crying. His muscles go taut again. “They are out looking for Hudson so he can be handed over to the police. The cops and school board have proved useless so far, so the guys figured they could patrol the area, be extra eyes on campus.”

I shift on my feet. “Did you and Levi make them do that?”

“No one made them do anything. It was their idea.” Blake instinctively steps forward but catches himself before he reaches me, like him coming any closer could set me off. “They would do anything for you. They’re crazy about you—just like me.”

He winks at that last part, trying to make me smile. It doesn’t work.

“They shouldn’t be putting themselves in danger like that,” I say. “Even if it doesn’t get to a fight, they could utilize this time so much better by studying or doing extra practice for your next game.”

Blake shakes his head with a sigh. “You have to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Acting like you are not worth the effort, or the affection, or anything else that rattles on in that beautiful brain of yours,” Blake says, that muscle in his jaw ticking with anger. But I know his anger is not directed at me. Not really. “You’re fucking amazing. You are kind, smart, and thoughtful. You made that cake for Raf’s birthday even though we were all too wrapped up in game prep to remember it. You took the time and effort to perfect a high-protein healthy snack and make sure we’re never out of it. You might think we don’t notice those things, but we do. Your big heart isn’t lost on any of us, Sunshine. Please, let us do something for you for once.”

My cheeks are wet and I know the tears are streaming again, but I don’t care. Blake is right; I had no idea they kept track of me, of the little things I do for them. Sure, they have always thanked me for baking them things and they look genuinely happy to see me whenever I come around, but I think I’ve always figured that was because I am Levi’s sister, not because I’m me.

Blake opens his arms and I walk straight into them, craving the warm comfort of his chest and the safety of his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Blake,” I sob. “For everything. For not being more careful and facing him alone, for scaring you, for?—”

“You’re still here with me.” His lips brush over the top of my head as he cradles me deeper into his chest, and I wonder if his words are more for me or him. “You’re still here with me, Alexis. That’s all that matters.”

I let him hold me until my feet go numb and my knees threaten to give way.

He lifts me so I can sit on the counter, as close to him as possible, and watch him make a massive amount of spaghetti from a recipe I don’t recognize but I’m too tired to question. Instead, I taste and give pointers on the sauce and set the table for the guys to help themselves when they come back.

“My mom texted. She and Dad will be here tonight,” I say as I busy myself with folding napkins. “I should probably go back to my dorm.”

“You need to do whatever you feel is right.” Blake puts the saucepan on a lower heat to keep it from burning. “If you want to go home, I’ll take you there. But if you feel safer here, then you should stay, no matter what they might want you to do.”

Alissa’s words come to mind. To live your life to the fullest you have to learn to be selfish.

It’s funny how two people can say such similar things at such different times. Then again Blake and Alissa are more similar than they are willing to admit, and I am a predictable people-pleaser. But still.

I know what I want, what I need at this moment.

“In that case, I’d love to stay for a bit longer. If you’re not sick of me yet.”

Blake turns around, wrapping his arms around my waist before kissing me. “Never. You are my home. I could spend eternity at your side and it would still not be enough.”

“Are you paraphrasing Twilight ?” I raise a brow.

Blake laughs. “Come on, Sunshine. I’m trying to be romantic here. Give me a break.”

“Fine,” I bunch the fabric of his maroon shirt in my fist and pull him closer until our lips are nearly brushing. “Let’s start with forever, Blakey-bear.”