Page 19
Chapter 19
Blake
Me
Dinner tonight?
Sunshine
Not tonight. I can’t move.
Bad pain day?
You have no idea.
I’d like to be alone for a bit, if that’s okay.
Just until I feel less like death.
Absolutely.
Text me if you need anything?
*Kiss face emoji*
After our cooking class, I didn’t see Alexis for days.
My training schedule nearly tripled for the big game in Vermont, and as she was stuck in bed being the cutest corpse alive, there wasn’t much room left for romance. We did our best, though. She FaceTimed me whenever she felt a little better, and I brought her flowers and take-out after practice so we could eat together in her room.
Besides, it’s hard to mourn those days when her face is the first thing I see when I wake.
She’s up already, fussing about in tight leggings and a hoodie she stole from my closet, one of my beanies pulled warmly over her head. She’s all packed, as am I. We dropped Lucky off at the boarding place last night, so all there is to do is leave.
Well, that, and trying not to lure her back to bed.
I roll onto my back and watch as she moves through the room like a lost little bird. I want to speak up, ask what she’s looking for, but I’m afraid I’ll startle her.
As I get out of bed I make sure to step on the creaky floorboard by the nightstand so she knows I’m up. If she hears it, she doesn’t show it.
My fingers find her hips before meeting at her belly button, my head resting in the crook of her neck. “What’s wrong? Restless? Anxious? If it’s the latter, I know a way of calming you down…”
I leave a trail of kisses down her neck, stopping at her collarbone. Her hand flies up to hold me in place, her breathing steadying at once.
I make light of it now, for her benefit, but during my deep dive into her illness the other night I came across a list detailing more than two hundred symptoms.
Two. Hundred. Plus .
Alexis is a goddamn fighter. Us guys whine and moan when we’re thrown into the boards too hard, but at least our pain fades within days, if not sooner. Alexis has to live with her body attacking itself every single day without complaint, and has to figure out how to live her life alongside it. And the fact that she has to shoulder it all alone, with no one who really, truly knows what she is going through…
Shit . The thought alone forms a lump in my throat.
“Just nervous, I guess,” she says and waves a hand to blow me off. As if that would work on me. “It’ll pass.”
I press another kiss down her neck, ending right on her shoulder as she stills underneath my touch. “Talk to me. Why are you nervous?”
“It’s just—I want this weekend to be about you and the guys,” she says. “So what if something makes me flare up again and I become catatonic and can’t go out with you? I don’t want to be the one who’s dragging you down.”
“You won’t drag me down. You couldn’t even if you tried.”
Softly, she shakes her head. “You don’t know that, Blake.”
“Yes, I do.” I hook my finger under her chin, gently turning her face so I can look into those enchanting eyes I adore, my heart aching as I notice them glazed with tears. “I can promise you with my head and my heart that I’m just as happy laying in bed watching bad TV with you as I am going out with the guys. I’m yours, Sunshine. Even if you’re too exhausted to walk, and I have to carry you to the bathroom. Even if you’re in so much pain that you can’t help but become snippy and difficult. You don’t have to deal with this alone anymore. I’ve got you, and I’m not letting you go.”
The small lamp on my desk highlights the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. I hold her gaze for as long as she’ll let me, those big eyes searching my face for the answer to a question I don’t know.
“Levi told me you’re not a relationship kind of guy,” she says, and as she blinks a single tear escapes her lid to roll down her cheek. “What changed?”
“I’m going to kick his ass for telling you that, but he’s right.” A flutter passes through my chest, hopeful and longing just for her. “I’m not a relationship kind of guy. But you, Alexis Moore, are my only exception.”