Page 93 of I Am the Messenger

Slowly, I walk from the field as everyone argues about how to get rid of Mimi so they can resume play.

"Just get the stretcher," I hear.

"We haven't got any, and besides--look at the size of this guy. He's too big, anyway. We'll need a bloody crane."

"Or a Bobcat."

The suggestions are limitless. People like this couldn't care less about digging into someone. You name it. Size, weight, stench. If you've got it, they'll tell you, even if you're stomped all over the ground.

The last voice I hear is big Merv's. He says, "That's the best don't-argue I've seen in a long time." He expressed a great deal of joy in that sentence, and the other players agree with him.

I keep walking. I still feel terrible. Guilty.

For me, the game's over.

The game's over, but something else begins.

I make it back to the tree, and the Doorman's gone.

A familiar fear quickens in me.

I stand and turn frantically in a circle, trying to find my dog and that kid.

Past the field there's a small creek, and I elect to start there. I run as fast as I can in this state, the game forgotten, and from the corner of my eye, I see a girl with yellow hair coming toward me.

"The Doorman," I call to Audrey. "He's gone," and I realize how much I love that dog.

She joins me for a while, then moves off in a different direction.

At the creek, there's nothing.

I return to the expansive grass of the field. The game's moving along and I can still hear the crowd somewhere in the miles of the back of my mind.

"Anything?" Audrey asks. She'd been further down the creek.

"No."

We stop.

Calmness.

That's the best way, and now, as I turn back to the tree where the Doorman sat originally, I see him and the kid going back there. The kid holds a can of drink and a long stick of licorice, and now I see there's someone else with them.

She sees me.

It's a youngish sort of woman, and when she finds my glare, she quickly kneels down and grabs hold of the kid. She gives him something, speaks, and heads off immediately in the opposite direction.

"It's the next card," I say to Audrey, and I take off. I run harder than I ever have before.

When I reach the boy and the dog I stop and see that I was right. The kid holds a playing card, but for now I don't see what suit it is. I resume my pursuit of the young woman. She's disappeared in the crowd but I run anyway because I'm sure. I feel absolutely certain that I'm chasing a person who at least knows who's behind all this.

But she's gone.

She's disappeared, and I only stand on the sideline, without breath.

I could keep chasing, but there's no point. She's gone and I need to get back to the card. That boy could be ripping it to pieces for all I know.

Thankfully, when I make it back, he still holds it. Tightly. He looks like he's not going to let it go without a fight.