Page 137 of I Am the Messenger

He brings back the thick book and offers it to me. First up, Cat Ballou. I read aloud as soon as I find the page.

"'Starring Lee Marvin in one of his most famous roles....'" I stop because I've found it. I go back and read the name again. "'Lee Marvin.'"

Now I move on to The Suitcase.

As soon as I find it, I read the cast list and the director. The director of The Suitcase is someone called Pablo Sanchez. He and Ritchie share the same last name.

And I have my three addresses.

Ritchie. Marv. Audrey.

There's an express exhilaration that is quickly replaced by anxiety.

I hope the messages are good, I think, but something tells me this won't be easy. There must be good reason these three were left till last. As well as being my friends, they'll also be the most challenging messages I have to deliver. I can feel it.

I hold the card and drop the catalog book to the counter.

Bernie's concerned. "What is it, Ed?"

I look at him and say, "Wish me luck, Bernie. Wish me the heart to get through this."

He does.

Still holding the card, I walk out onto the street. Outside, I meet the darkness and uncertainty of what will come next.

I feel the fear, but I walk fast toward it.

The smell of street struggles to get its hands on me, but I shrug it off and walk on. Each time a shudder makes its way to my arms and legs, I walk harder, deciding if Audrey needs me, and Ritchie and Marv, I have to hurry.

Fear is the street.

Fear is every step.

The darkness grows heavier on the road and I begin.

To run.

My first instinct tells me to go straight to Audrey's.

I want to make it there as fast as possible to ease whatever problem she has. I don't even dare to contemplate the fact that I might need to perform something unpleasant.

Just get there, I tell myself, but then it's another instinct that takes control.

I walk on but pull the card up and hold it in front of my eyes.

I check the order.

Ritchie. Marv. Audrey.

A strong feeling reaches out in front of me and drags with it a knowledge that I have to go in order. Audrey's last for a reason, and I know it. First up's Ritchie.

"Yes," I agree with my thoughts, and I keep walking hard. I make my way to Ritchie's place, on Bridge Street. I work out the quickest way there, and my feet move further and faster.

Am I hurrying so I can make it quicker to Audrey? I ask, but I give no answer.

I focus on Ritchie.

A vision of his face comes to me as I pass under the branches of a tree. I brush through the leaves and wipe him from my sight, hearing his voice and the constant remarks during cards. I remember his Christmas joy at Marv's kiss with the Doorman.