Page 19

Chapter nineteen

Astria Zielle

Nikolai Zielle the Untouchable.

That’s what the men called him. They whispered tales about how before we settled this island; he took out any who opposed my father’s leadership. They never said why the wars started, but based on what Dirus said, his way wasn’t acceptable.

But that story never made sense to me, because if he was untouchable, why did we have to make our own land to live in? If there was anything this place taught me was the ones who were stronger made the rules.

That line of thought always gave me hope when I almost gave up.

Despite the nickname he won during the mainland wars, he wasn’t completely untouchable.

Hell, even I managed to touch him a couple of times. That was when he made my father decree that my collar never be taken off.

He did that because I was a threat.

So we had some kind of chance. Right?

Could I leave myself completely vulnerable and trust these wolves to protect me?

Dirus growled and snarled, jumping at Nikolai to earn a backhand that forced him back. I took a deep, steadying breath. Okay. Yeah.

I put my left fist against my right palm. I’d made him stay solid a few times by accident. Maybe now I could do it on purpose. “The octant.”

My eyes focused on the brightest star in the sky, just like I’d done the other times I managed to pull this off; Sirius.

The silver wolf, I recognized as Jonathan, tackled Nikolai to the ground. Nikolai’s glare was an icy shot, stabbing at me, but I didn’t dare look away from the star. A wolf slipped between my legs, and the growl that came from them would have been terrifying if I’d been his enemy.

Fire burned my veins from holding the spell. This was how I ended up losing. This spell took so much out of me, and if I tried to fight back I lost focus and the spell lifted.

But this time, I let the fire ravage my insides and the wolves fight for me. Even without his ability to be ‘untouchable’, Nik was a war captain long ago, and he wouldn’t be an easy fight.

Fur flew around me, but I didn’t dare so much as blink. The wolf between my legs jumped forward, managing to be graceful enough to not knock me over, and kept the fight back away from me.

I whimpered as the fire consumed everything inside of me. Don’t give up. Hold on. Protect the wolves.

The pain grew unbearable as a plane flew across my field of vision. Kylie was going to be free.

Relief flooded me and I used that as an anchor to hold on to the spell. For her, I could burn. I could do anything.

“Shoot down the plane,” Nikolai said.

A missile blazed after the plane, and I redirected my spell from Nikolai to the missile, holding it in place. I cried out as the fire inside threatened to quarter me. This missile was bigger and stronger than Nikolai, and the magic blazed across my very soul. Deep down into the root of all I was, ripping me apart.

Wolves surrounded me as Nikolai rushed at me. The sound of a bullet ringing through the air and a yelp pulled at what little of me was left. But I didn’t look to see which wolf had protected me. More gunfire, but the wolves kept him from touching me.

Finally, I managed to control the missile enough to make it U-turn back and return to where it came from.

“You stupid fucking bitch.”

A hit finally socked me in the temple, knocking me to the ground with two wolves. But my vision was so hazy, I wasn’t even sure what color the wolves were.

Insane laughter bubbled up inside me. It was too late. He couldn’t stop me now. “You don’t win.”

“I should have killed you before you became a problem.” The distinct click of a gun couldn’t make the laughter stop.

I watched the plane continue to fly through the air. “You should have.”

My eyes finally focused as the silver wolf beside me crawled to drape his giant body over me. His pained whimpers cut something deep inside me. His face and neck came over my head and face. Another wolf covered my lower half. A gunshot fired and Jonathan whimpered louder.

“It’s okay. He can kill me now,” I told Jonathan.

Kylie was free. With Kadeem, who would be a better father than I could have ever dared to hope for. If the way the wolves guarded me was any indication, she’d never know the fear I knew. The pain. She’d be free.

I could die as the chained maiden.

That was okay.

She was the only thing that ever mattered.

His pale blue eye slid to stare at me in disapproval, but he didn’t move a muscle. Amazing how a wolf could convey such emotion.

Was he really going to die here to protect me? Hot, thick fluid poured over me, and I knew he was losing a lot of blood.

Another missile blew across the sky, and everything moved slow enough for me to see the missile shred through the plane like wet paper.

“No!” I screamed loud enough to make my throat burn. “Kylie!”

Agony, like I’d never known before, tore my heart into similar pieces as the plane that was quickly barreling toward the earth. Can a soul shatter? I thought mine did.

Dying would have been better.

“This is your fault. You could have just done what you were supposed to do,” my husband’s voice bounced around my skull. He was right.

I didn’t have to paint targets on our backs by being difficult.

Jonathan nuzzled my face as if to comfort me. A horrid sound of despair filled the air, and it took me a long moment to realize it was my screaming.

“Too bad Bunson isn’t here.” Nik chuckled. “He’ll never believe I finally got a scream out of you. He’s out a hundred gold coins.”

Nik shouted as snarls came back to life. He’d been so distracted by me he hadn’t realized some of the wolves still had some fight left in them.

Jonathan’s whimpers took a tired edge I didn’t like. I took deep breaths and found the source of the blood gushing on both of us. The back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

His snout continued to slowly rub against me. A stranger, and yet he was trying to hold me together, while his brain oozed out of his skull. Doing what he could to ease my suffering when I was sure the pain he experienced was unbearable.

I rubbed his ear, and his eyes closed. His movements slowed and his breathing finally stopped. Tears filled my eyes. “Jonathan?”

Why did another pang of pain and rage pierce through me like one more blade of failure? I barely knew him.

He died protecting me. Dirus was right. These wolves were nothing like the men I knew. And he deserved more than to die like that.

His body grew heavy, but I managed to carefully scoot him off of me. I protected his head as I placed him down on the ground. Only to find a white wolf still on my lower half, struggling to breathe. Blood stained his coat where at least half a dozen holes actively bled.

I removed him. He helped the best he could, and it made it easier. I rubbed my hands over his face. He needed medical assistance before he bled out. I couldn’t be completely sure, but the stunning sapphire eyes made me think it was Lucero.

The man who’d been so tender with me when he removed my collar.

Kylie was most likely dead. Why should I get up now?

Because these wolves deserved a hundred and ten percent of the fight in me? Because they needed me to get Nik back under wraps?

No, how about because I fucking hated my husband with every fiber of my being?

Rage filled me as I stood.

I endured this man using my body how he wanted for seven fucking years. They tortured me. I was disfigured from all the scars hidden beneath my clothes. I lived in cages with bars and little windows alike. I cooked for him. I cleaned. I gave him a baby he never appreciated. I killed for him. I made money, so we could survive when he blew it on his mistress or the bar.

What did he ever do for me?

Gave me a baby girl that he took away to prove he was the man.

If he wanted to play games with me. We could fucking play games. There was nothing left to lose. Burn it down. Destroy it all.

Countless giant gold meteors flew down from the sky. Everyone halted to stare in awe and mortification as they rained toward us.

“Look what you did. You set her loose.” Nikolai’s voice poured oil over my anger.

I lifted my left hand and used my fire to guide a few of the countless meteors toward him. The panic in his eyes made the inbound destruction worth it.

The earth shook beneath us as other meteors slammed into the island. Nik tried to flee, but he couldn’t outrun me. I was of the stars.

The white wolf braced my side when the shaking almost tossed me to my knees. He could barely stand on his feet and there he was, protecting me again.

Nikolai stumbled through the cluster of meteors, but he didn’t come out unscathed. “You fucking celestial bitches.”

Stars manifested around me in golden glimmers. I turned them into arrows and shot them at Nikolai.

He ran at me, and I put up a shield. He tried to phase through it, but our magics sparked against each other. “If you want to follow in your mother’s path, you’ll die in her footsteps, too.”

I didn’t let his words shock me. I was so small when she died. I didn’t remember a lot about her and my father forbade the island from speaking of her. All I could remember was us lying beneath the stars and her teaching me their names. I refused to let him take an advantage, by disarming me with her name.

“Maybe. But I’m taking you with me.” I let my magic flood out of me and rained stars down on him from above.

“Let your magic guide you.” I remembered my mother saying.

I released my shield and let my hands move through some gestures I didn’t know and had never seen before.

That wasn’t true.

I remembered my mother using it on Nikolai the night of the cleansing. She told me to run, so I didn’t know what happened after that.

I poured my magic into my hands.

“I don’t think so, bitch.” Nikolai panicked and ran toward me. Yep, he was scared.

Golden chains whipped out of the ground, and he dodged four before one got him around the neck. It yanked him back into the ground and more crawled out of the earth like vines to wrap around every piece of him.

He yelled. His magic ran over him in purple that disappeared as if something snuffed it out. My golden energy covered and dominated him. He squirmed and did his best to fight, but he was trapped.

“Fuck!” he yelled as the chains tightened until he couldn’t even move.

“The chained maiden.” I realized numbly. The gold chains absorbed his magic before it could leave his body. Cutting him off from his power, just like he did to me.

He shook as he stared at me with resolved defeat. Like he knew exactly what would happen to him and he knew it was coming all along.

The chain around his throat tightened, and I could see the magic fading from his body. It made his skin turn ashen and dull, as if the chains were sucking his very life force away.

Some part of me understood that was exactly what I was doing.

“You look just like her,” he whispered. “Have I ever told you that?”

When he was drunk, he would go on about how much I looked like a woman he called Seren. I always assumed she was one of my ancestors or something.

“It’s like she came back to haunt us for what we did.” That was the most human thing he ever said to me, but it was far too late for that.

I tensed my hand into a fist, and the chains tightened hard enough that his face and hands turned purple. I kinda liked the way it made him gag.

“Breathe through your nose.”

Those kind words always helped me so much, after all.

The giant black wolf turned into Dirus. He fumbled on his two feet, and one hand put pressure on a wound on his side. Another one of my wolves was injured by this fucking monster.

My wolves? Where did that come from?

Nikolai clawed at the air, since that was the only body part he could still move. He probably wished he could pull the chains away from his throat. As if I would feel inclined to give him that decency.

“Better yet, just choke.”

“Astria.” Dirus’s voice cut through the whooshing sound of my insides collapsing beyond repair. I looked back to the way he clutched his side. His chest heaved as he endured the pain. “Don’t.”

“What do you mean, don’t?” I let my magic squeeze my master harder. Loving the way his face contorted with agony. “Do you have any idea what I’ve put up with for seven years?”

“I don’t think I could ever understand that, Starshine.” He shook his head.

“All the blood we spilled, and he is where you draw the line?” My voice broke. Betrayal threaded through my bones. Why had I ever thought he was on my side? “You said if I wanted freedom, I had to take it.”

“Ten minutes ago, I’d let you do whatever you wanted.” His eyes grew sad. “But if you kill him because of your grief, it will change you.”

“He’s already changed me,” I yelled as tears streamed down my face. He ruined me as soon as he got his claws in me. They all had. “He doesn’t get to go free.”

“I never said he would.”

I waved my other hand, pushing Dirus away from me. I didn’t want to hear his calm, reasonable argument. His very existence fucked with my understanding of this world. I didn’t need the gruff man that treated me with decency. I needed the wolf that didn’t mind staining his teeth. If Dirus wasn’t on board anymore, he wasn’t my problem.

I raised my hand and let the stars fill the gaping holes he left behind. Until a giant arrow of stars hovered over my husband. I was ready to send it right through his face, so I’d never have to look at it again.

“I hate you,” I told him.

“Stop!” Dirus’s energy engulfed my back as he surrounded me in his presence. His fingers intertwined with mine as if he could restrain the magic that was manifesting from within me.

Magic quivered as if it was afraid of harming him. I was done being the person who looked out for others. What did that ever get me? It got you everything that mattered , a small voice said in the back of my head.

I twirled in his hold, aiming the arrow at him. When I faced him, he held my hand the same way. “You would betray me to save him?”

Why did that rub salt in an already wide open wound? I knew from the start he couldn’t be trusted. I barely knew the man.

I surged the magic forward down between us to press against his chest. His shirt seared as the tip touched him.

“I don’t give a fuck about what happens to him. He can drop dead.”

“Then what are you doing?” I screeched.

“I’m saving you.”

“There isn’t anything left of me to save.”

“This is your grief. If it was anything else, you would have killed him years ago,” he told me softly. “Twenty minutes ago, this fight was rational survival. I can’t let you kill him like this.”

“I haven’t earned that?”

“You’ve earned more than that. It’s not about earning it.” His calm voice soothed the edges that sliced every iota of my being. “It’s about making sure you can live with yourself afterwards. I’m protecting those last little pieces of who you are they haven’t touched yet.”

“There is nothing left.” My voice broke.

“The woman who unionized all the women to work together. The one who stood up for her friend, no matter the price. The one who was willing to give a monster a chance to show her another way.” His brown eyes locked me in and I couldn’t look away. “You aren’t angry. You’re in pain.”

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “If I don’t fight, I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s time to break, Starshine.” His fingers tightened on mine. “You can’t carry anymore. You’ve been strong long enough.”

His words flipped a switch inside me, and before his mouth was shut, a sob ripped through. My knees crumpled, unable to hold me anymore. Every muscle refused to work anymore. I couldn’t see past the flood of water in my eyes.

The pain wrecked through me like nothing I’d ever experienced. I’d been shot, tased, stabbed, punched, kicked, and tortured. But nothing could ever compare to the pain obliterating me.

I wrapped my arms around my middle to hold my insides together and curled into myself. Everything I’d pushed aside shoved its way to the forefront of my mind. All the things I said were fine and moved past. I should have known they’d use her against me.

They knew she was my everything. I was lucky they didn’t kill her sooner.

Nik chuckled. “It took six years, but I got tears and screams all in the same day. You stupid bitch. I did win.”

A single gun fired, and I managed to look up from my position to find Nik thumping on the ground with blood gushing out of the open hole in his face. I tilted my head back to see where Dirus hovered over me, putting his gun back in its holster.

“You didn’t think I would allow him to survive, did you?” Dirus answered my unspoken question. “I’m not going to let you spend your life looking over your shoulder for him.”

I blinked at him. Too many emotions stormed inside me to know what to say or think about any of this. All I knew was I was more lost and confused than I’d ever been.

He reached down to cup my face and wipe the mess of tears away. “We need to see if there are any survivors. Can you walk, or do I need to carry you?”

“She might be alive.”

His lips pressed together. “Don’t get your hopes up, but it’s possible.”

Keep going.

For her.