Page 5 of How to Trust a Hellhound (Hellhounds of Paradise Falls #4)

Josh

I woke up groggy and sore, but I knew where I was.

Unfortunately, I remembered everything from last night in vivid detail, and I was mortified.

I was the boring one, as Rick always reminded me.

I was put together and organized. I was not an emotional mess who couldn’t stop crying.

I guessed a slap and a break-up were enough to make anyone a mess, but I still felt embarrassed.

Then there was the fact that I had literally cried and drooled and who knew what else all over Wilder. I barely knew the man, and I had fallen asleep on him and gotten tucked in.

Sure, I kind of knew him from Toby’s party, but not really.

We hadn’t talked, which was fine. I was plain old Josh, and he was anything but plain.

I had noticed that at Toby’s, even though I felt guilty at thinking how sexy the guy was.

Plus, he was like Toby’s father-in-law, so I shouldn’t be drooling over him.

Although he didn’t look that much older than the guys.

I wondered if he’d been super young when he’d adopted them.

I sighed again. My interest in Wilder was probably just another one of the many signs that things between Rick and I had been over for awhile now.

I’d been noticing other guys a lot lately, and it wasn’t even in the he’s-so-hot way.

I noticed how nice other guys were, and how they treated others, and I thought about how they would treat me in a relationship.

It was probably kind of pathetic when your fantasies weren’t about getting bent over the nearest table and were instead about having someone make you dinner and smile at you.

Which brought me back to Rick. I was going to have to deal with him.

I wondered if he’d been blowing up my phone all night.

The thought of dealing with him was overwhelming.

Even the thought of dealing with Toby and Sebbie made me tired.

I loved them—they were my best friends—but I didn’t want to explain everything, and I didn’t want their sympathy and their outrage on my behalf.

Usually it was wonderful knowing that you had friends who cared and had your back, but right now, I didn’t know if I could deal with it.

I was surprised they hadn’t come banging on the door in the middle of the night, although maybe it had been late enough that they didn’t know yet.

I was sure Aiden would tell Quinton, who would tell Liam, who would tell Dexter, who would tell Toby, who would call up Sebbie right away.

By the end of that twisted game of telephone, I’d probably be described as near death, and Toby would decide that Rick was really a vampire or something.

Toby and Sebbie were great, but I just… I didn’t want to answer questions. They were both so extroverted and full of energy, and I was boring, plain, quiet me. Usually I was grateful they had befriended me and dragged me out of my shell, but right now, I just wanted to curl up and hibernate.

I looked over at the nightstand, which did not have my phone on it.

It was probably dead wherever it was, but I needed to at least text Barb about work.

I sat up, and that’s when I noticed my wrist. It was wrapped up in that beige bandage stuff, and it looked like the swelling had gone down a lot.

There wasn’t the same persistent throbbing, either.

Wilder had said it was a sprain, so that was something, at least.

There was a folded t-shirt on the dresser, and I managed to get it on with little trouble.

My wrist really did feel better, but there was a dull ache, and I was still careful with it.

I walked out into the living area and stopped when I saw Aiden sitting at the table on his phone, his big ass dog next to him, resting his head on Aiden’s leg while Aiden pet him.

He looked up at me, and I braced myself for questions.

“There’s orange juice in the fridge, coffee in the coffee maker, and some muffins on the counter. I brought the coffee maker over this morning at Q’s insistence. Something about it being inhumane to make anyone face the day without coffee.” Aiden rolled his eyes, but he smiled, too.

I walked over to the counter—the place had an open floor plan, with the kitchen, table, and living room all connected.

It was nice. Cozy, but it still felt spacious.

It was obviously a pretty new cabin—it smelled like new wood, and there were no decorations, just basic furniture. And a coffee maker, apparently.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I poured coffee. “I guess Toby and Sebbie will be banging down the door any minute?”

Aiden looked confused. “Why would they? Was I supposed to tell them? We didn’t say anything, since you called me, not them.”

I looked over, surprised. “No, you weren’t supposed to tell them. I guess I’ll have to at some point, but I just didn’t feel up to all that…” I trailed off, unsure how to finish.

Aiden smiled. “All that Toby energy?”

I nodded my head as I finished adding cream and sugar to my coffee—both thankfully stocked in the kitchen. I grabbed a muffin and went to sit down across from Aiden at the table.

“I get it,” Aiden said, still petting Fluffy.

I took a bite of the muffin. “Wow, this is delicious,” I said around a mouthful .

Aiden smiled shyly. “Thanks.”

He took a drink from his own coffee cup, and I waited for the awkward questions, or the staring, or the pity… but Aiden just pet Fluffy and acted like we were having a perfectly normal breakfast.

It was weird.

I finished the muffin, drank the coffee, and Aiden still didn’t ask anything. He didn’t look uncomfortable either, just like it was a perfectly normal day.

I finally broke under the lack of pressure. “You aren’t going to ask, or say something, or… I don’t know.”

Aiden looked thoughtful. “Do you want me to ask something?”

I snorted a laugh. “You sound like a therapist.”

“I have a really great one,” he said, sipping more coffee. “I highly recommend her. Although Q wouldn’t go see her. He preferred revenge over therapy.”

“God, I probably do need therapy,” I muttered. “I can’t believe I got myself into this fucked up situation. I’m steady. I’m dependable. I’m not the one who dates the idiot boyfriend who slaps him around. I’m smarter than that.”

“It’s not your fault. Sometimes really fucked up things find you, no matter how steady and dependable you are,” Aiden assured me.

“And it has nothing to do with intelligence. You have a kind heart, and I bet Rick took advantage of that. Sometimes people can twist us up inside and make us do things we normally wouldn’t. ”

I remembered who I was talking to, and I felt mortified. Of all the people to complain to, the guy who had been kidnapped was not a good choice.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s nothing like—” I started, but Aiden cut me off.

“Don’t minimize what you’ve been through. Our trauma might not be the same, but we both have trauma. Give yourself grace. That is something my therapist is always saying,” Aiden said.

“She sounds smart. Maybe I should see her,” I commented .

“Couldn’t hurt. It’s better to work through the fucked up things that happened to us rather than ignore them. If Q were here, he would probably tell you to torture your ex or something, but I’m a firm believer in therapy. Whatever you decide, we’ll support you.”

“Am I in the inner circle with you guys now?” I asked, joking. I was friendly with Aiden and Q, but only through Toby.

“Yup. It’s the fucked up things happened to me club. Or maybe the I have a traumatic backstory club, if Toby had his say in naming it. We can get t-shirts made. Q would love that.”

I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me.

Aiden smiled at me, and for the first time, I thought maybe things would be okay. Yeah, something fucked up had happened, but if Aiden and Q could survive their trauma and get themselves hot boyfriends who loved them, then maybe I wasn’t a totally hopeless case.

“I probably need to find my phone and charge it,” I commented. I guessed in order to be okay, I needed to face the world first.

“It’s on the side table by the couch. Wilder plugged it in last night,” Aiden told me.

I blushed at that, and Aiden and his dog both cocked their heads at me. It was kind of comical.

“I definitely did not leave the best impression with your boyfriend’s dad.” I knew Aiden was dating one of the Smith brothers.

“Why would you think that? And call him Wilder. Sure, he raised them, and he is like a dad to them, but really, they’re all just pack.” Aiden paused, then added, “Like, a pack of family members.”

I ignored the weird phrasing to answer his question. “Well, I was sort of a mess yesterday. I wasn’t myself.”

Aiden just shrugged. “I’m sure Wilder has seen worse.

He raised this crew, after all,” he said, making a vague gesture toward the dog.

I guessed maybe the dog belonged to his boyfriend.

I could totally see Wilder as having a house full of teenage boys and pets to take care of.

He seemed like he’d be good with animals.

I got up and walked over to the couch, finding my phone fully charged.

There were only two unread messages, which made me sigh in relief.

Rick must not have come home last night.

He did that sometimes, and for once I was grateful.

I was sure after his work shift today my phone would start blowing up, but I at least had a few more hours before I had to deal with him.

One message was from Barb, and I saw that Wilder must have texted her about me being out sick.

I vaguely remembered asking him to do that.

It was just her saying I should feel better and take the rest of the week off.

I typed out a quick reply, saying that I was doing better, but I would take the week off, and if she needed me to do any work from home to let me know.

The other message was from Toby, saying we needed another guy’s night. I didn’t know what to reply, so I just put a thumbs up emoji in response. I’d have to deal with my friends at some point, but they could wait, too.

I put the phone down, and then I just sort of stood there. What now?

“What do you do to relax?” Aiden asked from the table. “I think you should take the day and do something that is totally stress free and lets you not think. Sometimes we need that, you know?”

I blushed, thinking of Rick talking about my hobbies and how stupid and juvenile they were.

“Oh, what is it?” Aiden asked, looking intrigued. “Do you watch trash reality tv or something?”

I laughed. “No, nothing that exciting. I like documentaries. And I like to build things. Like models and Legos and stuff. I find it soothing,” I admitted.

“Ok. Do you have any at your apartment that the guys could pick up for you? I think they’re planning to go there and grab the rest of your stuff later.”

“No, some furniture and most of my hobby stuff is actually in a storage unit. Rick thought it was stupid, so… Yeah.” I hadn’t built anything or watched a documentary in ages because of Rick.

“What should they pick up?” Aiden asked.

“Umm… I guess just the rest of my clothes. And anything out of the office. Everything else they can leave. I don’t want furniture or dishes or anything,” I answered.

I didn’t want to fight with Rick over the little things, and honestly most of it was stuff he’d picked out anyway.

The place was mostly his style, not mine.

He didn’t like my “nerdy shit” cluttering up space.

“Ok—that’ll be easy,” Aiden said, getting up.

“Do you think the guys could do it before five? Or maybe if someone wants to drive me, I can take care of it. I don’t have a car, because I didn’t need one, but I could even call a rideshare…” I trailed off, feeling bad about someone doing it for me.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Josh. You’re staying here and relaxing, and the guys will take care of it.

They’ll have it done in like ten minutes.

There wasn’t that much stuff left, anyway,” Aiden said, heading toward the door with his dog.

“I’ll have them call if they have any questions about what to pack.

Until then, find a good documentary to watch and just veg out on the couch or something.

I put in all the streaming service info on the television already, so that’s all set.

I left some cookies and snacks in the pantry, and the fridge has some stuff stocked, but if you make a list we’ll get more groceries. ”

I almost got teary again. I hadn’t felt this taken care of in ages. I nodded my head, and Aiden headed out, locking the door behind him.

I went over and grabbed the remote, turning the tv on and flopping on the couch.

As I scrolled through the streaming apps, I saw all sorts of new documentaries.

Plane crashes, financial fraud, true crime, impersonation, major world events, medical breakthroughs and scandals, history, famous families…

I settled in to get lost in some drama that wasn’t my life.