Page 20 of How to Trust a Hellhound (Hellhounds of Paradise Falls #4)

Wilder

P ulling away from Josh was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I knew today had been a lot, and the last thing I wanted to do was take advantage of him.

I had to admit that when he put the boys in their place, it was a turn-on.

It just reaffirmed what a strong and caring man he was, and what a perfect mate he’d make.

Of course Jude had needed to go and be juvenile about it, which had probably embarrassed Josh.

He’d still handled Jude beautifully, though.

My jokester needed someone to rein him in sometimes.

After Jude’s joke, I’d been worried for a moment that Josh wasn’t interested, but his talking had seemed to focus on the idea that I wasn’t interested in him . Kissing him had seemed the easiest way to correct that assumption, and based on his response, he returned my interest.

He did not seem pleased at the notion of talking, however. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I thought communication was important, and at some point Josh needed to know that we were hellhounds. I thought it was probably good manners to let him know before I mated him .

Because that was definitely what I wanted with Josh—a permanent relationship.

Josh set a cup of coffee in front of me and took his own cup, sipping it. He did not come over to sit next to me. He stayed on the other side of the kitchen island. I opened my mouth, but he cut in before I could speak.

“We can just pretend that never happened,” he said, sounding like he was reassuring me.

I looked at him, tilting my head. “Why would we do that?”

“Well, I don’t really do one night stands, especially not with someone I’ll see all the time. It would make things really awkward. And anything more than that would probably get noticed by your boys, which I’m sure you wouldn’t want.” He took a sip of his coffee when he was done speaking.

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” I asked, rather confused.

I wasn’t sure what Josh was thinking. I once again felt more sympathy for my boys in trying to navigate a relationship with a human.

They had some odd ideas. Why wouldn’t I want my sons to know we were together?

Hells, Jude had already insinuated it. At the very least, the boys would be able to smell our scents on each other once we got more involved.

There wasn’t really any hiding a relationship amongst hellhounds.

“Well, I’m not actually your age,” Josh answered.

I huffed a laugh. He had no idea how true that was. It then occurred to me… “Josh, are you embarrassed that I’m older than you? Are you not comfortable with that? I just assumed…”

That hadn’t occurred to me, and I rubbed at my chest with my free hand, feeling the ache there. As much as Josh might want me physically, that didn’t mean he wanted to actually form any sort of bond with me. I wasn’t sure why that hadn’t occurred to me.

“What? No!” Josh said, putting down his coffee cup and coming over to me.

“I realize that I may be… old-fashioned about some things. I’m no t up to date on lots of things, and maybe I have a bit of a stodgy personality,” I said.

I was going to continue and start listing my positive traits, because I had plenty to offer Josh. I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, but he walked over and kissed me, his hands running through my hair. I couldn’t help hauling him forward until he was standing between my legs.

The taste of Josh swept some of my worries away, and I growled low in my throat. He quickly let me take over the kiss, and I sensed a submissive streak in Josh. I nipped at his lip, and he groaned.

“Damnit,” he muttered, pulling back.

He was right. “Yes. We need to talk,” I reiterated before we could get lost in the physical again.

He glared at me, a little of his fire coming back. “Will you stop saying that! You can’t kiss me like that and then say that!”

I was utterly perplexed. I couldn’t say we should talk? “Do you not enjoy talking during intimate moments?” I asked. There were some people who liked silence when they were having sex, although I wasn’t one of them.

Josh stepped away and rolled his eyes. “We aren’t having sex. We’re ‘talking.’”

“I like talking to you, Mei Ume. I’d like to talk to you during sex, too. I think you would enjoy that,” I murmured.

Josh huffed out a groan. “So what do we need to talk about? I already said I’m not going to do a one night stand, and I don’t want to be some secret from your kids. I just… I can’t do that.”

“Mei Ume,” I said, standing up and pulling him into a hug.

He leaned against me, even though I could sense his confusion and a bit of hurt.

I wasn’t sure how I had caused him to hurt, but I needed to fix it.

“I don’t want to have one night with you.

I want many nights with you. And I wouldn’t keep you secret from the boys.

They already know I’m interested in you. ”

“They what?” Josh asked, trying to pull back .

I didn’t let him go. He was getting into a panic for some reason that I didn’t understand, and we would work through this.

“They know I’m interested in you. I’m sorry Jude was teasing, and I can speak to him about it?—”

Josh cut in. “Jude’s an idiot.” He pulled out of the hug, looking at me in horror. “I’m sorry! I know he’s your son, and he’s great, but…”

“But he’s a bit of an idiot,” I agreed, smiling.

Josh huffed a laugh, then he leaned back into me. I wrapped my arms around him.

“Why the breakup talk, then? Not that we’re dating or anything,” Josh hastily added.

“Breakup talk?” I asked. “Josh, I would like to date you. I care about you, and I’m attracted to you, and I don’t want to hide you from the boys. I don’t want you uncomfortable, either, so if you’d rather not discuss it with the boys, I can tell them not to mention it or tease.”

“But you said we had to talk,” Josh mumbled into my shirt. “You stopped kissing me so we could talk.”

“Well, yes, you’ve had a lot happen today, and I don’t want to take advantage of you,” I began.

“Please take advantage,” he murmured under his breath, but of course I heard him.

I smiled and continued. “I thought communication was important when starting a relationship, and we do need to talk about me and the boys. I don’t think you’re really aware of… everything. I want you to have all the information before we become physical with one another.”

I let Josh process that. He didn’t let go of me, and I gently rubbed his back.

“Does this have to do with what Toby is always talking about?” he asked softly .

“Yes,” I answered. Perhaps Josh wasn’t as unaware as I assumed he was.

“He isn’t making it all up?” he asked.

“No, he isn’t,” I gently replied.

“But you don’t…” He paused, clearly thinking. “Your work doesn’t harm innocent people, right?”

I thought his choice of calling it work was interesting, but I supposed it fit. It was our job, after all, and perhaps that made Josh more comfortable. “No, we’d never harm anyone innocent. We work for the greater good.”

He nodded his head. “Sort of like the military, I guess. Is that how you ended up all becoming a family? You were all in the same line of work? I guess you sensed the… umm, the necessary skills in the boys as teenagers?”

“Yes,” I answered. Josh was obviously more comfortable talking around us being hellhounds, and that was okay. I didn’t need to hit him over the head with it.

Josh pulled back, his face horrified. “Oh my god. Jude really is going to get himself arrested! He can’t be messing with the sheriff like that when you guys do that kind of work.

” He paused, adding, “Although I’m guessing it’s sanctioned or something from some of what Toby has hinted, and if it came down to it, maybe he wouldn’t end up in jail because higher powers would intercede? ”

I nodded. “Yes, exactly. We’re all perfectly safe. There’s no concern there. Although Jude is a bit ridiculous with the sheriff. He isn’t always comfortable showing his feelings, which is probably why he’s acting the way he is.”

Josh nodded his head, pressing back against me. “So now what?” he asked.

“Well, now we either start a relationship or you tell me to get lost,” I joked. I ignored the nerves in my stomach. I knew Josh was interested, but I was still nervous. It was an entirely new sensation for me .

“Yes,” he said.

That was all, and then he leaned up to kiss me, the warm softness of his lips pressing against mine.

I was so tempted to take the kiss deeper and further, but I kept it gentle and light, and Josh followed my lead.

When I pulled back the slightest bit, he leaned down and pressed his head against my chest.

I kissed the top of his head, wrapping him in my arms.

“Do you want…” he asked, but he trailed off, waiting for me to fill in what exactly I might want. My Mei Ume had a giving nature, and he was clearly looking at me to take the lead.

“I want us to cuddle on the couch, watch one of the documentaries that you like so much, and talk to each other,” I answered.

Josh breathed out, but he didn’t protest. He’d dealt with a lot of emotions today, and although sex might be a good release for those emotions, I needed to know more about what he wanted.

We moved together and settled on the couch. I sat down and pulled Josh up against me. He lifted his legs, laying across the couch, and snuggled into my chest.

“I missed this,” he murmured. “Cuddling, I mean. I can’t even remember the last time I was just held. When I wasn’t crying, that is,” he joked, looking up at me and smiling.

“You can always cry with me, Mei Ume,” I answered.

He laughed a bit, then tucked his head back into my chest. We were silent for a few moments, but he made no motion to grab the television remote.

“I think I might go see Aiden’s therapist,” he said quietly.