Page 42 of How To Survive This Fairytale
He offers a watery smile.“Would they?”
“Your hats would be the talk of any noble court,” you say.“Though you wouldn’t make hatsjustfor kings and queens, of course.You’d make a hat for anyone.”
“My business must be booming.”
“Extraordinarily so.”
“And I’d be very, very happy,” he says.“I’d be a milliner, and I’d be happy because no one cares about milliners.No onecursesmilliners.”
“… I don’t know ifthat’strue.I heard a story once about—” You cut yourself off.Cyrus has covered his face with his hand.You think, underneath his palm, he might be crying.
“Sorry,” he says.“I’m not my best self today.You must want to leave.”
“I don’t mind staying.”
Does he want you to go?Or does he want you to stay, but thinksyouwant to go?You’re no good at this.You think you should be better at this, but you’re not.
“Lie to me,” you say.“Say anything, and I’ll believe it.”
For a moment he looks at you in shock.
Then he says what he’s supposed to say, except this time he’s free from trying to make it sound real.This time, even though the words are the right words, you both know it’s a lie, and no one has to feel guilty about saying a very ugly, very scary truth.
“I’m grateful Gertrude made me a human again,” he says.
Hearing him say it breaks your heart but relieves a massive tension, too.
“I like being human so much better than I liked being a swan,” he continues.“I get very emotional around the anniversary of the curse breaking.Always think about how much she sacrificed to get me back.Make me what I’m supposed to be.What I always was… well,always, except for those six years where I wasn’t.All that pain and sorrow and silence just to give me the life I deserve.And I’m so…happy… that this is my life.”
He doesn’t try to smile.
He wipes his tears with his palm.
“She never loved him, you know.”He’s not looking at you anymore but at the floor instead.“Let him carry her off because she didn’t see a way around it.Two children with a man she didn’t love.Imagine giving birth and needing to besilentabout it?Or else your brothers will be cursed forever, and all your hard work will be for nothing.”
No wonder she killed him, you think.
“No wonder she hated him,” you say.
“She’d hate me, too, if I ever said I was unhappy.”
“She knows.”
He flinches.
“You must think I’m awful,” he whispers.
“For wanting to be happy?There are far worse things to want.”
You run your fingers through your hair, thinking.You want to fix it.You don’t know how to fix it.Maybe youcan’tfix it.
“Will you do something for me?”he asks.
“What is it?”
“Withme is the better way to phrase it.For me, with me—either way.I… haven’t been near water since she made me human again.Thought it would hurt too much.Still think it might.But maybe… if we went together… There’s a lake near here, maybe we could… Sometime…”
You’re not going to make him wait forsometime.