Page 19 of How To Survive This Fairytale

18.

ACCEPT HER LIES.

“It isn’t onlyfor my sake, Hans,” says the Fair Queen.“What you do keeps Snow White safe, too.”

19.

KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF.

Noneof this is about your safety.Nor is it about Snow White’s.I know what you’re doing: eating the hearts of those girls allows you to absorb their beauty, doesn’t it?Stitches it into whatever arcane fabric holds you together.You do this for yourself, for your vanity, your pride, your ego.You do this for power.

But the truth has never saved you, so why fight for it now?

20.

MOURN THE HUNTSMAN.

You understand,now, why he always looked at you like he was sorry.

You hate him for not telling you, even though you know now that magic prevented him.The same magic binds you.You’ll never be able to tell anyone what she makes you do.A little invisible noose around your throat ensures your silence.

You wish he was here, the only person who could ever understand this pain, this guilt, this rage.It’s been years of this, old friend.How do I go on?

DO YOU WANT TO GO ON LIVING?

Well?Do You?

…

…

…

… yes.

21.

THINK OF THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HAPPY.

Think of Gertrude.Think of Favorite.Think of those three months by the lake, rendered perfect by how wretched your life became after you were stolen away.Think of the turtle eggs, the bear, the nights by a campfire, the afternoons in the sun.Swimming, diving, fishing, feeding Favorite mussels from your hand, laughing as his five brothers completely ignored you.All the time you spent in the woods with Favorite, every moss-soft, pine-scented, bird-songed walk.And that one kiss.That one kiss that you thought could solve everything, save everyone.How young you were.How naive.Even after losing Gretel.Even after the gingerbread house and the hag who lived there.

(Aren’t you glad to have had that happiness now that you can never have it again?)

You’d do anything to go back there.

You’d do anything to be that boy again.

But that boy is gone.

There’s only the huntsman now.

22.

DON’T THINK OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

There’s onlythe huntsman now.

And yet.