Page 52 of How to Date a Prince (Being Royal #1)
Chapter Thirty-Nine
A pparently, I’m a hit on social media. Who knew?
My father is highly conflicted. It’s better, he tells me, looking pained, to release official photographs.
My counterpoint is that it’s a genuine, relatable photo of me, and isn’t that part of this whole reaching out to the public campaign he put me on?
With slightly less headfirst propulsion.
Scrolling is highly addictive. I follow, and then I’m followed by relatives, including my wild cousins.
By comparison, with their party lifestyle well documented on social media, my photo is tame.
To appease my father, the next post is a more conventional photo he takes of me out in the garden, bundled up for a walk in the cool November morning.
On Sunday, I notice Adam’s feed shows a view from a plane window with a pretty sunrise or sunset over broken clouds. But is that from Friday? Consternation follows. There’re no posts from Thomas.
When Adam posts later that day, a shot of New York by air, captioned, “No place like home. Not quite ruby slippers,” and a shot of his feet in trainers up on a suitcase.
What does this mean? Shouldn’t Adam be in London with Thomas for the tell-all finale tomorrow night?
Unsure of what to do, I call Katie to complete our analysis since she’s savvy with social media and I’m not.
“Oooh,” she says. “I’m swiping through right now. Trouble in paradise. Look, if you go back a few weeks, there’re plenty of photos of Adam with Thomas. But in the last while, there aren’t any together.”
“Well, he’s been in London, and Adam’s been in New York.” I run a hand through my hair, gazing at my reflection in a mirror. The mirror version of me has no answers. Previously, I was fussing over what to wear to the show tomorrow. “A geography problem.”
“Yes, but what about the last couple of days?” Katie asks. “Explain that. There’re no photos of them together.”
“That’s why I called you. What do you think? Should I call him?”
There’s a long pause on the line.
“Katie? Are you still there?”
“Didn’t you end things because you’re a prince and you claimed incompatible lifestyles?”
“Maybe I had a change of heart?” I try.
More silence.
“Maybe… well, the truth is, my heart didn’t change,” I admit.
“And yes, I’m still a prince. But what if there’s a way to make this work?
I mean, who better than someone who can critique the monarchy and help make things better?
What if we can date in public? Or try, if he’s open to it?
He could tell me to fuck off. Which, fair.
” I swallow hard. “I need to tell my father. It’s important he knows before the show airs. ”
“This is a whirlwind,” Katie says, holding her head between her hands. “I need a minute. And probably a strong drink.”
“Katie. Red alert. I’m… well, I’m in love with him.
Like, really, seriously in love with him,” I say softly, deciding to put it all out for her.
I don’t dare mention I could see myself marrying Thomas one day, if he wanted to get married.
It’s a private daydream, being with him, showing him my favorite places in the world, and him showing me his, and meeting his family, and learning about everything that matters to him.
“I have been for a while. But I’ve been scared to do anything about it.
Because of… well, everything. And then he moved on in the meantime.
And I tried to do the same, without luck.
I mean, Lady Laura. Because he’s impossible to forget. ”
“Whatever Thomas is doing, he’s on the rebound from you. You could try more dates?—”
“I’ve dated. Marriageable women, remember?”
She groans. “That’s a political campaign, not any sort of affairs of the heart. Okay. Let’s back up a minute.”
Now, it’s my turn to wait patiently.
“You’re in love with him,” she repeats belatedly.
“Yes. I know it’s not convenient, or what my father wants, or what’s expected. But it’s how I feel. And, well, maybe Thomas was with Adam because Thomas didn’t want to be alone.” I draw in a deep breath. “Should I call him?”
“Wait,” says Katie decisively. “You’ll see him tomorrow night. You can get a better read of what’s going on in person.”
“Okay. Thanks. Tomorrow.” I suppose I can try some patience on for size, but it doesn’t come so readily.
We hang up, and I go see my father in his study.
He shuts off his latest reality program, something with pottery—which I approve of—and sit down on the other sofa while our aged ancestors look on.
They’re everywhere, like a nostalgic wallpaper, except with more bling frames and extravagant clothes.
Hold on, I think at them, you’re in for a moment.
“Auggie.”
I gaze at my father, a little nervous, but I press on. “I want to talk to you about tomorrow night’s show.”
“Are you prepared?”
“As prepared as I can be.” I shrug. “I want to talk to you because you may hear some things you may not expect to hear from me.”
My father lifts a regal eyebrow at me. “Oh?”
How can such a simple word be imbued with such meaning?
“And whatever happens, I want you to know I take my responsibilities very seriously. But I need to live on my own terms. Otherwise, you may as well put me up in the Tower too.”
He frowns. “What are you saying?”
I gaze at him. I stop myself from fidgeting with my signet ring. The ancestors are quiet too.
“I’m gay, Father. I’ve always been gay. I always will be gay.”
He sighs, drumming his fingers on the armrest of the pinstriped sofa he sits on. “Auggie. Please. We discussed this the other day.”
“It’s not a negotiation, for the record.” I stare him down.
Pained, he rubs his face with his hands. “Are you… quite certain?”
Taken aback, I laugh. Whatever response I expected, that wasn’t it.
“Yes, Father. Quite. And I don’t know what it means for the monarchy.
I agree it would be easier if I was straight, but I’m not.
It probably means no children from me. I don’t know.
But nearly splitting my head open on a fence helped me put things in perspective, trying to get back to some kind of regular life or finding my new normal.
All this to say: I’m done with pretending I’m someone I’m not. ”
He chews his lip, nodding slowly. “I see.”
“Since I’m alive… I need to live. I need to be free to do that,” I say softly, searching his eyes, hoping he can truly see me. “Do you understand?”
He nods, impossible to read. He doesn’t look happy. “You’re not abdicating.”
“I’m not abdicating. I told you already. I’ve booked my calendar with events through the fall and into the winter. I’m committed to the Crown.” I hold his gaze. He gazes back, unflinching. “Father, I’m gay, and I’m in love with Thomas Golden.”
He gasps. My father stares at me like I personally have brought the kingdom to ruin. “Auggie—that’s impossible!”
“I’m in love, and the nation will hear about me being gay and in love with Thomas tomorrow night in the live audience for Renaissance Man .”
He still stares. Harder.
“I don’t know if Thomas loves me back or if there’s a chance to be together, which I would love, but he’s a good man.
I have to take the risk of being honest with him and the world about who I am.
Thomas has a great heart. And he sees me.
Who I really am. And I see him. And he means everything to me.
” I pause for a breath. “You were in love with Mum. You know how love feels. Don’t you want that for me too? ”
Father’s pale again as he grips his remote.
“I’ll always love you, Father. Even if we don’t agree on some things.”
“I love you too, son,” he says finally. “More than anything else. You, Anne, and your mum. Even if I’m…
concerned, shall we say. An anti-monarchist of any gender isn’t who I would want my son to fall in love with.
Then again, I remember falling in love with your mother, and the scandal that brought, since some people didn’t believe she was a suitable match.
But what we did believe in was love. And each other. ..” He falls quiet.
My eyes flood then. I wipe them with the cuff of my sleeve.
His eyes well up slightly too, and then he looks away. “I’ll be watching tomorrow night. To see you. And this man you’ve fallen in love with.”
“Thanks,” I whisper.
And I realize then that he watches all the shows he does as an escape, in the absence of my mother, to fill the space in his heart she left behind. It explains the workaholism too.
But that means maybe there’s also a space for me to build a relationship with my father that hasn’t existed before. Like there’s some kind of renewal for both of us, to find a way to truly know each other.