Page 49 of How to Date a Prince (Being Royal #1)

“Auggie,” he whispers roughly. “I’ve missed you so much.

I can’t even tell you. It was the hardest thing I’ve done, letting you go.

And… and I don’t know if I can go there again.

Even if Adam and I are taking a break. I think he’s seeing someone else.

We’re due to talk again when he flies in on Friday.

” He swallows. “Losing you hurt too much the first time around. I would be ruined a second time. And, well, as amazing as you are, I can’t be your secret.

I’ve put so much into trying to develop myself as a person and then into this personal growth app business.

I’ve… I’ve told my father that his political campaigns are his business and not mine.

His path is not my path. And you… your circumstances haven’t changed.

You’re still a prince. Most of all, you’re a prince officially in the closet about who he is. ”

I redden, nodding slowly. “You’re right,” I say simply. “You’re totally right.”

“I need to be with someone who can be present, you know. No matter how I feel about you. I’ve been out since I was fourteen.

I’m proud to be gay. I’ve been lucky I have had supportive parents and no concerns about my sexuality, at least. I suppose I took that freedom for granted.

” He gazes at me over the untouched food.

“I wish I knew what that was like,” I say wryly. “My father sent me away to boarding school for kissing another boy when I was thirteen.”

Thomas stares. “He what?”

“He couldn’t deal with it, I guess. He claimed it was family tradition to board at Eton. Which he did.” I shrug. “So, I did too. Except unlike him, I had several boyfriends at school. Secretly. Not all at once. Even with all of the sneaking around. He doesn’t know about that.”

Thomas laughs despite himself.

Taking that as a good sign, I press on. Because I want him to know about me and my life. I can at least give him that.

“I explored my sexuality. I found out what it was to have my heart broken more than once. Being a prince doesn’t provide immunity from heartache, I’ve learned.

At college, I had more freedom again with my friends and dating and hooking up.

I couldn’t continue when uni finished and the real-world expectations of me came into full effect.

I needed to be Prince Auggie, heir to the throne.

Public-facing and dedicated to my future role. ”

“And,” Thomas asks carefully, “how happy has that path made you?”

I sigh. Trust happiness to come into it.

It’s such a modern idea. Royal weddings in the past were nearly all strategic.

Forget feelings. Duty over heart. “I wouldn’t say it’s been happy.

That’s a luxury that doesn’t weigh into my responsibility.

I mean, in the old days, I could be having a marriage of allegiance and lovers on the side.

But I don’t want to live a dishonest life either.

I don’t want that. I don’t think my mother would have wanted that for me.

It’s the twenty-first century, after all. ”

“What do you want for yourself? If you could have anything you wanted?” Thomas asks. He looks glum.

I gaze at him wistfully. “Someone to love. Someone—a man—who loves me as much as I love him. Being open about my sexuality. Being able to create and not walk on eggshells about everything. The truth is, I suppress a lot, right down to my clothes and how I present myself. I’m pretty sure I’m gender nonconforming, at least, if not nonbinary.

But I haven’t let myself go there, so how can anyone else accept me? My father would burst.”

“I accept you,” Thomas murmurs. “And I’ll use any pronouns you want. Just let me know.”

I give him a wry smile. “Thanks. I’ll keep with he/him for now. I’ll tell you if that changes.” Drawing a deep breath, I hold his gaze. “What do you want?”

Thomas gives an expansive shrug, reaching for his tea once more.

He studies it like he reads tea leaves into the future.

“Want.” He pauses for a long moment. “To be in love with the man of my dreams by my side. Openly. Who will support me, and I can support him, just as openly. And maybe, one day, we can have a family of our own.”

I smile, my expression softening at the idea.

“Maybe one day, you can have those things,” I say carefully. “That sounds wonderful. You deserve them.”

“Maybe.” He looks resigned. “So do you.”

I swallow hard, trying to ignore the hollow within me.

But it’s too easy to shove those hollows and aches away and to run.

So, I sit with that feeling, even if it hurts.

At least I’m sharing it with Thomas. I reach for a sandwich.

He follows suit. We eat in silence for a long time.

Rain drums on the metal roof of the stable.

In the tack room, the heater’s warmed things up nicely.

Even if my heart aches sitting beside Thomas.

“It’s not going well with Adam,” he admits at last.

I blink in surprise.

“Does Adam make you happy?” I dare ask. My hair falls in my eyes, and I brush it away. My chest is tight as I brace against whatever he might say. “Is he what you want?”

He opens his mouth and shuts it again, looking away. Which tells me everything I need to know.

Finally, I have the courage to speak, tasting each word. “Thomas, I would love to share those dreams with you. If we can find a way to make things work.”

He looks at me, troubled. “It’s impossible, from what you’ve told me. We’re on different paths. We’ve been over this?—”

“Let me see what I can do. Let us see.” I search his eyes. “Please.” I take his hand, kiss inside his wrist. He shivers, watching me. His fingers are soft in my hair, tracing the nape of my neck before it’s my turn to shiver too. And he’s close and warm, and for a moment, I can imagine him as mine.

“I don’t see what you can do differently… you’ll be King one day.” Thomas’ fingers continue. He flushes, struggling. “And—you just gave that Renaissance Man interview to protect yourself!” he blurts, raw. “It’s not like you chose to do that on your own. It’s not like I matter.”

“Wait. What?” I frown at him. “Didn’t you hear me?”

“From the footage. I saw it all too, Auggie. They have everything. And they’re never going to air it, I’ll bet. It’s just another game to get more out of us for ratings. And yet another game to you.” There’s a wound in his eyes as they flash a warning.

“Thom—” My face burns, heart thundering.

“It’s obvious you enjoy keeping yourself hidden away in the shadows and doing whatever your father wants?—”

“Let me explain, please—you’re overreacting again?—”

“No. It’s over, remember? For good.”

He just stares at me, shakes his head with eyes too bright, and storms out of the stables. And I sit trembling in place, listening to the rain, and bury my face in my hands at the table until Alyse comes.