Page 11 of How is This My Life? (Shorts)

Trevor’s POV

Five Years Later…

Out walked another date. It was the seventh first date that walked out this month. I couldn’t seem to get any connection with anyone. Not since Elise. She was the last woman I’d had any kind of connection with. That had been seven years ago. I deserved this, though.

Since I’d asked her for an open relationship, things in my life had gone from bad to worse.

And just when I thought worse was all the further it was going to go, it went straight to hell in a handbasket.

I had been talking to Tawnya for months, and she had finally convinced me that an open relationship was the way to go.

In the weeks after Elise left me, I drowned in booze, weed, a little coke, and all the pussy I could dream of.

Tawnya showed me what a swingers club looked like.

We would go every night after work. I watched her get fucked by other men while I fucked their wives.

It was month after month of sex, in all holes of different women, practically every night for the first month.

We were doing drugs and experimenting, seeing how they made us feel when we fucked either each other, or others at these parties.

When Elise said she was pregnant, I was excited, but I didn’t want that to stop my partying.

I knew that I couldn’t be a father. Not right then. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to stop.

The night before that phone call, I’d fucked Tawnya’s best friend, Anna, while Tawnya fucked the girl’s boyfriend.

She had convinced her friend to swap, saying exploration was normal, natural.

The same shit she had said to me, and we had all taken some Molly before we split off.

I was an animal. I’d been wanting to fuck this girl for months.

She was so hot, so perfect, so tight. She took great care of herself physically, she had a big, juicy ass and heavy, supple tits.

I left marks all over her body, making her scream in ways that her boyfriend never had.

She asked if we could keep this up, even if Tawnya and Ted didn’t want to.

I smirked at her, because there was no way I was letting that tight pussy and perfectly swaying tits not ride my cock all the fucking time.

I hurried and signed the paperwork, not caring at the time what happened.

I was lost to the pleasure I was getting from the drugs, alcohol, and the ecstasy from orgasm after orgasm.

Anna and I kept our relationship going until Tawnya came home one day.

She said that she and Ted knew about us, how we never stopped fucking behind their backs, that they were in love and she was pregnant with his baby. They were leaving us.

For some reason, that was the wake-up call I needed.

Work had been rough, my boss was saying I needed to get shit together before he was going to have to fire me.

I had already signed the final paperwork, signing away my rights to my child.

My parents had wiped their hands of me, saying that I was a disappointment for throwing away thirteen years of love and a relationship with a good woman, and choosing a life of debauchery.

I went to their house, and they turned me away.

They were hosting the big family reunion, but no one in the family came to help or to see what the commotion was.

No one, except for one cousin who reached out.

He offered for me to live with him, halfway across the state, if I wanted a fresh start, but I needed therapy, rehab, and the want to get clean and to get my shit together.

I handed in my resignation and packed up my apartment that day.

He hired me as a waiter and chef for his catering company.

They did event catering, and we worked at a lot of business functions, some weddings, and a funeral or two.

It was completely different than what I had been doing, but it was much more fun and rewarding than I’d ever experienced.

I was genuinely enjoying it, working the steps in therapy, and my outpatient rehab was going well.

My cousin said he took on this wedding that was super last minute, but the couple was willing to pay extra because it was last minute.

We got to this huge, like, fifty-person cabin the day of the event.

Things were going well, the setup was a breeze, and the staff were having such an easy time with everything that it almost felt like things were going too well.

I was waiting all day for the other shoe to drop, but it never did.

I was behind the bar, making sure that everything was ready for the champagne toast, that the signature drink station was set up and ready to go, when I looked up, and there she was.

Time had slowed down, sounds drifted to the background, as the fading sunlight shone off her hair. I watched as the DJ announced her, and my daughter, who was being carried in by the best man.

Tennley .

I love the name she picked. I wonder what her middle name was. I wanted to go over and talk to her, but the way the man was holding my daughter and how natural the three of them looked together twisted something inside of me. It was dark and ugly, twisting deep into my heart.

The voice whispered in the back of my mind, ‘ That could have been you. That could have been you with them. Now she has him’ .

I turned away, feeling the emotions swirling inside of me.

I was trying to breathe, to not lose my shit in the middle of a venue, a job.

I saw the other bartender coming in behind the bar with a full crate of liquor bottles and two cases of beer on top.

I took the cases and set them on the cooler.

The other bartender started putting them in there, while I grabbed two bottles of vodka and slunk off to one of the guestrooms. I needed a little bit of time away from all the shit.

I wasn’t planning on drinking, but in case I needed a little courage to come back out and face the woman who was even more beautiful than I remembered, who’d had my child I threw away.

I was trying to breathe. I texted my cousin that she was here, my sponsor, and even called to leave a message for my therapist. I waited, the pain of the future I’d so carelessly thrown away, crushing me.

My phone was silent while the voice in my head was loud.

It was telling me to drink, that I’d feel better once I had a little in me.

I’d be calmer. I’d be able to handle the situation out there.

So, I did.

I don’t remember much after I cracked the first bottle.

Not until the next morning.

My cousin told me he should fire me because he would do that for any other person who worked here.

“I’m not going to, though. But you should know, this is your last shot.

I had to cover the full cost for the gig last night.

That’s coming out of your pay until it’s fully paid off.

” I nodded my head gingerly, the throbbing from the movement and the way it felt like I was getting seasick told me I’d more than overindulged and that I was going to be working hard to get back to where I was before.

So, after that? I cleaned myself up. Again.

I worked hard, eventually checked into an inpatient rehab when I would hear things about Elise and her new life.

I tossed money down on the table, more than enough to cover the cost of the date.

My cousin and I had partnered up two years ago, and career-wise, my life was on track.

But my dating life, my sex life, were pretty much non-existent.

I stood up, straightening my jacket, and turned to walk out of the restaurant.

Just as I was about to reach the front door, I heard it. I heard her.

Her laugh.

I forced myself to walk forward, not to look for her.

I put my head down and kept walking. Three steps later, I bumped into the woman herself.

She tripped over my foot, and I stuck my hand out, catching her.

That fucking best man was there, with her and Tennley, and another little face.

When I righted her, she didn’t look like she recognized me, but I knew it was her.

She was older, but every bit as beautiful.

She was heavily pregnant, but I noticed my heart didn’t hurt nearly as badly as I thought it would.

I didn’t get the urge to drink when I saw her.

I didn’t get that strong pain that felt like it was ripping me apart, bit by bit, fiber from fiber, from deep inside of me.

“Thanks, I’ve got her.” I looked at the best man, who very clearly hadn’t forgotten who I was, and nodded.

Then, I watched them walk into the restaurant. Almost a full family of five. I held the door open for them, and my daughter smiled up at me.

“Thank you,” she smiled at me, looking almost identical to her mother, before running up and launching herself with a shout. “Catch me, Daddy!”

I let the door handle fall from my fingers as I figuratively closed the door on that part of my life.

I still didn’t know how this was my life. But I was going to try to make the best of it.