Page 31 of House of Payne

“What do you mean?” I ask guiltily. Can he see the thoughts of another man on my face? Am I hurting someone I love so much? Someone willing to do anything for me?

“Lo, we’ve been together long enough for me to know when something’s going on. I can tell something’s on your mind. So, what is it? Did I do something wrong? I know that was a little different than what we usually do, and I’m sorry if…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I assure him. “Nothing. In fact, that was sexy. I like the spontaneity. It was a nice change of pace.”

I pause, and he waits. I can tell he’s not going to let this go but telling him the truth would be disastrous. I’d never want to hurt someone I love like that.

“There’s just a lot going on right now,” I admit. “My dad, the diner, all of it. It’s just overwhelming sometimes. I can’t seem to get it off my mind for long.”

“I understand. But you don’t need to worry about all of that. I told you I’ll take care of it. It’ll take a little time, but I’m working hard at my new job. I’ll fix this for you. I want to.”

I look at him and see so much love in his eyes. He’s perfect. I don’t deserve him. But while I have him, I have to treat him the way he deservesto be treated.

“This is like a dream, you know.” I finish putting on my clothes and we curl up in a booth together, our arms and legs entangled. “Being with you is incredible. In some ways, it still hasn’t sunk in.”

“Well, I’m here,” he assures me. “I’m here for the rest of our lives. I know I don’t have much right now, but it’s a start, and I’m going to keep growing for us. I’ll make you happy no matter what. I’ll always do the best I can. I’ll always love you and only you.”

That last part stings a little. Here I have a devoted boyfriend, and I was thinking of another man. It’s deplorable, and I know I have to get Mason out of my mind. It isn’t fair to Noah.

“I’ll always love you,” I assure him. It feels almost like a proposal, and I wonder for a moment how I’d feel if Noah proposed just then. Would I say yes? “I appreciate you so much. I appreciate how loving you are, and how willing you are to help. You mean so much to me.”

I want him to feel it, to sense it without the thoughts of Mason on the horizon. Noah and I have bared our souls to one another, so I know he doesn’t have a lot of experience with other women. I’m the only true girlfriend he’s had, and I want to ensure that his heart is never broken. I’ll protect it with everything I have.

Even if it means having to shove back the niggling voice in the back of my mind, the one that makes me doubt what I’d do if Noah proposed.

Whywouldn’tI say yes?

Men like Mason can’t give me the stability and safety I crave.

All he’s done is fill my heart and head with doubt, and I like him even less for it.

I try to convince myself that my uncertain future is what’s making me question everything. Without the diner, and with my father’s future at risk, I wouldn’t spare Mason a second thought, much less be thinking of him so intimately.

“I do my best,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head. “I know I’mstill young, so I’m not the most reliable. I don’t have enough to offer you; not like you deserve. And you’re so beautiful, smart, and talented. You could leave me and find someone better, but…”

“Don’t even say anything like that,” I scold him. “You are the best boyfriend. You’ve stuck by my side through everything. Even when I had to drop out of college to help my father, you’ve been there when you could’ve ditched me for some girl at school.”

I’m sure that I’ve never seen this insecure side of him. He’s usually so sure of himself.

“I would never do that,” he vows. He pauses. “How is your father doing?”

I don’t even want to think about it.

“Not great,” I admit. “I told him you’d help, but he still seems worried. Those people are hanging over him like a black cloud. He won’t tell me much more about it, but it’s clear they’re dangerous. I’m not sure what to do.”

“It will get easier once I get more money coming in. In the meantime, you don’t have to rely too much on your father because I’m here. I’ll do anything to protect you and provide for you. You’ll be safe and secure for as long as I’m here.”

I nuzzle into his chest feeling all warm and fuzzy. The off feeling is gone as I soak in Noah’s warmth. It’s all replaced by love that always will be.

***

Mason

I watch from a distance, fascinated and jealous all at once. I want to run into the diner and steal London from the young kid she’s fucking. She deserves so much better than the scraps he can give her. She wouldn’t beable to even fathom the world I have to offer. It’s so beyond him.

It’s dark, messy, and vile, but I’ll make sure she fits in.

She won’t have a choice.