Page 36

Indy

Arriving outside Sully’s apartment felt like Loren’s homecoming in reverse.

He’d had Whitney as his chaperone; I had Evander.

The angel held my hand tightly while we stared at the closed door.

My memories may have been incomplete, but Evander’s behavior and what he’d confessed about his decision to spare my life gave me a clear enough picture of our shared history.

He had one of my paintings in his office, for god’s sake.

That made him a fan.

Or maybe just a good friend.

I gave his fingers a squeeze before pulling free.

“Thank you,” I met his icy blue eyes, “for giving me another chance.” A sheepish smile teased my lips.

“Maybe a lot of chances. I’m gonna make the most of this one, though.”

Evander frowned.

“And you won’t be talked out of it?”

“Nope,” I replied.

Balling my fist, I reached to knock on the door, then paused and glanced at the angel once more.

“Will I see you again?”

Evander raised a shoulder.

“I’ll be around,” he said, then smiled.

It felt warm. “Good luck, Indy.”

“Not Indigo?”

He gave his head a shake.

“Just Indy.” Then he turned and walked away.

His footsteps echoed in the stairwell, heading downward and growing softer until they trailed off into silence.

Facing the door, my hand lingered in the air.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since I’d left.

For all I knew, I would walk in and find Loren exactly as I left him, and I hoped that was the case.

The image of my love, my mate, anxiously awaiting my return was as heart-wrenching as it was comforting.

He was always waiting for me, and I couldn’t wait another second to get back to him.

My knuckles rapped against the wood, and my heart thumped in response, ticking off five seconds before I heard the lock turn over.

The door swung inward, and there he was.

That leggy, long-haired beauty I’d loved for a hundred years.

His dark eyes lined with tears, and his voice trembled as he whispered, “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

I had to gather my nerve because the sight of Loren crying was enough to take me to my knees.

But I needed to stand.

To hold him. To be the strong one so he could be weak.

“But you’re glad I am?” I asked.

The moment his chin dipped, I latched onto him.

His shuddering sob shook my body, and if I’d had any doubt of my decision, if any part of me could have been talked out of this, that eliminated it.

I ran my hand up his back to smooth the waves of his hair, to feel him embrace me with the same care as always.

Strong arms pulled me into the apartment, where I realized we were not alone.

Sully, Gunnar, Dottie, and Abigail stood in the living room.

They looked as surprised to see me as I was to see them.

“Indy?” Sully crept forward but stopped short of arm’s reach.

“How are you back? And why? Is this a good thing?”

“Not for Nero,” I said with all the gusto I could muster.

“He wanted a phoenix, and he’s about to get one. Up close and personal.”

My grin faltered when I glanced at Loren.

There was something specific in his face.

A look I recognized but struggled to place until it was so clear it was like I’d been taken back in time.

To my rebirths. Any one of them.

Loren was always within reach, wearing the muddled expression he had now.

He was glad, yes, but his joy was tempered with a deep sense of knowing.

Like he understood what I’d come to do and was bracing himself for it.

I fixed my smile and leaned in to curl a lock of hair behind his ear.

“Stella got her groove back,” I bragged.

“By Stella, I mean me. And by groove, I mean my phoenix powers.”

My cheer failed to cut the tension in the room or soothe Sully’s worry as she asked, “How?”

I shrugged.

“The trip upstairs shocked my system, I think. In a good way.” Bending around Sully, I told the hounds, “Now I can help you guys.”

Abigail and Dottie shared a glance, and Gunnar’s expression brightened.

His inner tail was wagging, I just knew it.

“Not gonna use my tears, though.” I flicked my eyes around as though Evander had returned and might hear as I added, “Between us, Heaven kinda sucks.”

Gunnar snickered while I turned toward Loren.

I slid my hands down his arms and caught his fingers in mine.

“And, baby?” I told him, “You’re gonna save Whitney.”

Sully gasped while the wrinkles in Loren’s forehead deepened.

“From what?” he asked.

Shadows blanketed his face.

“Hell,” I replied. It seemed obvious.

“We’re going there. You and me.”

“No.” He bucked back, straining against my grasp.

“N-no, never…”

I smiled, then brought his hands to my lips so I could kiss his knuckles.

He trembled in my grasp as he whispered, “Why?”

Turning one of his palms toward my cheek, I pinned it there to steady us both.

“You’re gonna rescue Whitney while I blow my supernova load on Nero,” I said.

“With him out of the way, the hounds won’t have a master to follow, and with me gone…” Fear caught up with me, chased with a hitch of sadness that reflected in Loren’s eyes.

“You’ll all be safe,” I concluded.

“What do you mean gone?” Sully asked, slower to understand or maybe reluctant to accept this change to whatever plan they’d made in my absence.

Rather than answer her question, I stayed locked on Loren.

“You came back knowing this?” he asked, barely audible.

I nodded. “Planning it, actually.”

His palm cupped my cheek while his other hand tightened until his knuckles ground against mine.

He was anchored to me in every way possible, but he sounded distant as he murmured, “I wanted to save you.”

I stepped into him, wrapping him up and laying my head on his chest. I loved his smoky citrus smell and the sound of his heart thumping, but mostly I didn’t want him to see the tears glittering in my eyes.

“I know, baby,” I told him.

“But this is bigger than me. Bigger than us. And if I pull it off, I know you’ll be proud.”

Loren drew a halting breath.

“I am proud, Doll. So proud, and not…” He hugged me harder.

“You don’t have to… please…”

A swell of sobs overcame his words as we stood there, quietly mourning while Sully and the hounds looked on.

It hurt, but it healed, too.

I rarely knew exactly when I was going to die, and I liked the idea of doing it right this time.

Going out on my own terms. Getting to say goodbye.

We spent the night doing all our favorite things.

We lounged on the pillow pile on Sully’s living room floor, eating snack cakes and drinking wine.

The others crowded around while we watched the Golden Girls.

And we laughed and cried some more.

After a while, everyone else went to bed.

I wasn’t sure how they vanished in the small apartment, but they were determined enough to give Loren and me some privacy that they made it work.

The TV played an oldies marathon and, with no other lights on, the colors from the screen painted Loren’s face.

I watched him, studying every piece that put him together because they were my pieces, too.

He was in me, weaving through my insides like soft thread, and tying a pretty bow around my heart.

I would gift it to him forever.

No hesitation. No regret.

Shifting my cross-legged position, I turned toward him.

“Lore?” His gaze cut my way, and I smiled, then asked, “Can I play with your hair?”

He nodded, eager but aching.

I felt the same while I braided his hair and kissed his neck.

Somehow, he worked his way into my lap.

He balled up small to fit as much of himself as he could in my arms. And he cried.

Quiet, cringing tears dampened his cheeks before I wiped them away.

I dried his face, and the television played, and I held him.

I wanted him as imprinted on my body as he was on my heart, so when I died my last thoughts would be of him, and I would be too full of love to be afraid.

Sometime before dawn, we dozed off, entangled in each other and finally at peace for my last night on Earth.