Page 17

Indy

I ate light.

The chicken strip kids meal and cherry limeade sat easy on my stomach, which was fluttering with nerves by the time we made it back to the RV park.

Loren got out of the car first and came around to open my door.

This wasn’t a date; he certainly didn’t need to impress me, but he was an old soul, and some behaviors were ingrained.

I hadn’t always known it, but I was an old soul, too, and my heart sang every time he pulled out my chair at a restaurant or carried my bags at the store.

Taking care of me in every way he could.

We picked our way across the patio, dodging puddles of dried blood that made me cringe.

In the trailer, Loren went to the kitchen to finish putting away the groceries while I grabbed a bucket from under the sink and filled it with hot water.

Lugging it outside, I splashed it across the pavers and watched as the black ran gray into the pea gravel.

Then I went back for a refill.

Rinse and repeat.

With that done, I shuffled inside and kicked off my boots.

Loren had finished stocking the cabinets and lingered in the kitchen, sipping from a bottle of San Pellegrino.

I stayed by the door, studying him with a sense of appreciation that had not faded over time.

I had romanced this man for a hundred years, but the thought of being close to him still made my knees knock.

I craved it, needed it after weeks apart and strained months before that.

I wanted to know him physically the way I did mentally, and to put the newfound benefit of memory to use.

I wanted to blow his fucking mind.

As if realizing I was staring, Loren turned toward me and raised an inquisitive brow.

My smile wavered as I walked to him and hooked my hands around the back of his neck.

A gentle pull guided him to my lips.

He could have stopped me.

He’d been doing a lot of that lately.

Closing me out and shutting me down, but I hoped— I hoped —he wanted this much as I did.

My eyes fluttered closed as he eased in, softening to my touch and pressing his mouth against mine.

The kiss was sweet, and I savored it as his hands curved around my waist, pinning us chest to chest.

Mate , the voice inside me sang, and I hummed a happy sound.

Sighing, I drew back, pushing Loren’s hair over his shoulders and staring up at him with a dopey grin.

“Hi, baby,” I whispered.

He swallowed, barely blushing as his teeth raked over his bottom lip.

“Hi,” he replied.

It happened in every lifetime, boy met boy, and that seemed to be what was happening now.

Of course, we knew each other.

But this was a chance to do things right, to have a fresh beginning on equal footing.

It held so much promise and a foolish sort of optimism, as if I hadn’t just cleaned blood off our patio and Loren wasn’t so afraid he didn’t talk to me for days.

“We’re okay, aren’t we?” I smoothed my hand against the side of his head and curled it around his ear.

“Whatever else happens, I want us to be okay.”

Please be all right.

That was the subtext, and I wondered if he sensed it.

Loren kissed my forehead, then murmured against my skin, “We’re okay, Doll.”

There was more to it, thoughts I couldn’t put aside no matter how badly I wanted to.

Guilt had kept me in a stranglehold since the moment my memories came flooding in.

Fears of my own that I could not dismiss.

“About what Gunnar said,” I began.

“About my tears sending him to Heaven…”

Loren’s lip curled at the mention of the other hound.

It was a risky move to bring the newbies up, like poking an open wound.

But I’d done it now; might as well see it through.

“I didn’t even know that was possible until a few days ago,” I continued.

“And now these people are hoping… expecting me to save them.”

It was the least I could do.

People were risking their lives to keep me out of a demon’s clutches, and Loren had been right to ask why.

I didn’t want to question it for fear of them changing their minds, but maybe that would have been better.

I didn’t like the idea of owing people debts I couldn’t repay, and that brought me to the crux of it.

I’d given my tears—possibly the last of them—to a wicked demon who had kept my boyfriend in slavery for a century.

Now she was in Heaven with her soul wiped clean.

I saved her. And this man, my mate, my partner, my everything, had endured decades of torment that he could have been spared.

I could have stopped it.

The realization sobered me, and my throat grew so tight I sounded hoarse when looked up at Loren and asked, “Do you wish I’d saved you?”

His features pinched with an unknown hurt.

Maybe it hadn’t occurred to him.

I shouldn’t have said it.

Shouldn’t have given him another reason to resent me.

Forget getting laid, I was about to get left.

Abandoned in favor of someone less problematic.

Less transient. Less temporary.

I stepped back, testing the limit of his arms. When he didn’t let go, I met his eyes, those warm, brown, beautiful things that spoke loudly even when he was silent.

Thankfully, this time, he didn’t stay quiet.

“Indy, that’s all you’ve ever done,” he murmured.

“You saved me every time.”

Breath went stale in my lungs.

I had to work even harder to rasp out, “From what?”

His jaw ticked, and his gaze cut aside.

I waited while he thought or maybe steeled himself for the confession that slowly trickled out.

“It gets dark. In here.” He tapped a finger to his chest. “But you’re light, Doll. You burn brighter than my dark. You save me from myself.”

I could barely see while my eyes blurred with tears that wouldn’t fall, and I couldn’t speak, so I kissed him instead.

I cinched my arms around him and clung on until I was convinced nothing could take him away.

Not demons or witches.

Not even Heaven.

He enveloped me, crushing us together so every breath was shared, every movement in sync.

It was only a few seconds before those movements took a turn toward our bedroom.

We went there stumbling, barely separating, and stripping out of our clothes so we left a trail in our wake.

Both of us were bare to the waist before we reached our bedsides.

I shimmied out of my jeans, stripped to a pair of lace boxer briefs when I crawled onto then across the mattress to where Loren was unbuttoning his pants.

Swinging my legs around, I hugged my knees against his thighs and took the undressing task upon myself.

It was like opening a gift, seeing, touching, feeling every inch of him and knowing it was all for me.

That thought followed me after we were both in our underwear and clambering across the sheets, groping and kissing until I had him on his back.

I braced on one arm above him and used my free hand to brush the hair away from his face.

He stared up at me while I dragged the backs of my fingers over his pinked cheek.

“You know it’s different now,” I murmured.

“I don’t have to share you anymore. Not with Moira. Not with anybody. You’re all mine.”

Saying it aloud sent a jolt of excitement through me.

That was a hidden hurt, something I’d kept to myself because I knew it pained him, too.

I couldn’t blame him for it, and neither of us could change it.

Till now.

I looked at his throat.

Unfettered. Free.

The sting of tears that wouldn’t fall assaulted my eyes again, and I dove into him, starting a journey down his torso.

I flicked my tongue across one nipple, then the other, kissed a trail along his abdomen and nibbled on his hip bones.

Every few breaths, I paused to whisper what the phoenix soul was crowing in my mind.

“These are mine… this is mine…”

I kissed his scars because they were mine, too.

Pressed my fingertips to the jagged pink lines on his ribs, stomach, arms…

Loren shifted and sighed as I made my way across the canvas of his skin.

When my hand slid beneath the waistband of his underwear, he hissed a breath.

Wrapping my fingers around his stiffening cock, I gave it a squeeze.

“This is definitely mine.”

He reached for me, grabbing the nape of my neck and pulling me up for a searing kiss.

I threaded my tongue between his teeth, filling his mouth and thinking mine, mine, mine .

I kept my grip on his shaft, slowly stroking while I maneuvered myself to lay fully on top of him.

I kissed his jaw, his neck, his shoulders, then returned to his lips where I hovered, barely an inch away.

Loren arched up to meet me, but I pulled back, keeping just beyond reach as I whispered, “Tell me you’re mine. Say it.”

“I’m yours,” he breathed.

Heat rushed through me, sparking little fires in my fingers and toes and pooling in my groin.

I stroked him once more, then pulled away.

Crawling across the mattress, I slung open the bedside table drawer and grabbed the bottle of lube on top.

I’d suggested leaving it on the tabletop, even offered to put it in a cute soap pump, but Loren argued that would be indecent.

I smirked. A little bit of KY wasn’t half as “indecent” as the other goodies we had stowed away.

However, as I rooted through the menagerie, one thing became immediately apparent.

“What happened to my tentacle?” I whipped around to find Loren sprawled out and feigning ignorance.

Poorly.

“I’m replacing that,” I told him.

“We’ll need it next time we watch Deep Sea Disass-ter .”

He groaned, and I laughed again before resuming my search.

Tucked in the back corner, I found what I was looking for.

Drawing the black rubber butt plug from hiding, I turned with it held high.

“You kept this ,” I said in a sing-song voice, relishing the blush that spread across his face.

“Don’t worry,” I assured him.

“You won’t have to look at it for long.”

I crept back over to him and grabbed the waist of his boxer briefs to pull them down.

He lifted his ass without me even asking, and I flung the garment aside.

His cock sprung free, fully hard and goddamn delectable.

I licked my lips, then pushed his legs up one at a time to expose his asshole.

Scooping the lube bottle off the bed, I pumped it onto the toy’s slick surface, ensuring it was thoroughly coated.

When I checked again, Loren was holding his knees apart in the nearest thing to a plea.

“You want me to fuck you, baby?” I cooed.

His head dipped in a scarce nod.

God, he was so fucking cute like this.

Needy. Horny.

I put the plug to his hole, situating my grip before pushing the tapered end barely inside.

Loren shuddered beneath me and covered his face with his hands as I nudged the toy deeper.

It was big, but I wanted to stretch him, fill him up while he filled me.

Another press toward the flared base opened him wide, and Loren groaned low and guttural.

I pulled the toy out and set it aside, needing to feel him for myself.

My fingers invaded him, two at once, squeezing through the ring of muscle as he clenched around me.

“Easy, baby,” I murmured.

“Let me take care of you, love.”

I spread my digits, working them inside him with gentle thrusts as he started to relax.

When my fingertips brushed over his prostate, he moaned again, muffling his cries into his palms.

“Gonna fuck you so good,” I hummed as I stroked, feeling every twitch and shift of his perfect body.

Muscles rippled across his chest and arms as he pushed against me.

Chasing friction, wanting more.

Sliding my fingers out, I grabbed the lube bottle and dripped some directly on his asshole.

I grabbed the butt plug again and pressed it to his opening.

Halfway down the shaft was wider than my fingers had been, but I pushed deeper, gaping his hole centimeter by glorious centimeter.

His breaths came quicker, and tendons flexed in his neck as I drew nearer to the base, then pulled it out again and began the process anew.

Easing in then out, teasing him until he was begging for it, rocking his hips and fucking himself against my hand.

On his third thrust, I let him have all of it.

The toy slid over the widest part and notched into place, firmly seated in his ass.

Loren heaved a breathy whine as I smoothed my palm over the base of the plug, then gave it a pat.

Leaning forward, I draped across his belly.

“You like that cock in you, baby?” I asked.

He nodded jerkily, still blanketing his face with his hands.

I palmed his erection, curling my fingers around his shaft and rolling back the foreskin to expose the sheen of precum on his crown.

I pumped down his length, loving the way he moved beneath me as he groaned.

At this rate, he wouldn’t last long, head swimming with sensations and body primed for pleasure, but I had more to do.

Releasing his cock, I dragged my hand past his balls and paused to tug on the base of the plug.

He whimpered—fuck, that sound got me wet—and I crawled onto him, straddling his waist. Gently, I took him by the wrists and bent in, pinning his hands on either side of his head so I could take in the view.

His dark hair fanned around his face, his pupils were blown wide, and his lips were parted in mid-gasp.

He was as stunning now as he had been a century ago, and it would have been easy to love him for his looks alone.

But he was more than that.

He was soft smiles and tender touches, bashful and blushing in a way that made me want to grab him and kiss him senseless.

He was constant, ever-returning just like me.

After each rebirth, I awoke to find him waiting.

Without fail. Without question.

He was here now, exactly where he should be, and he was mine .

“Indy?” Loren peered up at me with the slightest furrow to his brow.

Smiling, I released my hold on him, then took off my underwear and dropped them over the side of the bed.

I reached for the lube bottle again.

Pumping some of the fluid into my palm, I spread it along his dick in slow, sensual strokes, tightening my grip until he whined.

“Hang tight, pretty,” I told him.

“I’m about to take you for a ride.”

Pushing up on my knees, I guided his cock toward my entrance.

I hadn’t prepped—probably should have—but I’d been fucking this man for decades and damn it if I didn’t know it would fit.

I eased down, feeling the sting as he entered me.

I drew a breath and let it out gradually while I descended on eight magnificent inches of dick.

When I settled onto his base, the last of my air escaped in a moan.

Good. He felt so goddamn good , sending shooting stars through my brain and tingling across my skin.

Loren took hold of my hips while I situated myself.

Bearing down on him pushed the plug harder into his ass, so it was like he was getting fucked through and through.

It was enough to make his eyes roll back when I thrust against him the first time.

The second drove out a stammered curse.

“Fuckkk…”

That was more than enough to get me going, pushing up and sliding back down, letting his cock drive into me.

I could have sworn the damn thing was straightening out the kinks in my colon, but I wanted it.

I craved the burn and the stretch and the sensation of being crowded, stuffed full.

I set the pace, but Loren matched it.

He snapped his hips into me, and I fell forward, bracing my arms on his chest. He held me in place, pulling me down while he thrust up.

We collided with a sensation that made my toes curl.

“That’s it, baby,” I said between breaths.

“Use me.”

My cock throbbed, rock hard and dragging over Loren’s belly as he railed into me.

Sitting back, I cupped my hand around it, adding a new sensation to the others swirling into a perfect storm.

Loren slowed with his dick sheathed inside me.

His dark eyes glinted while he watched me stroke myself.

I trapped my lip between my teeth, working my hand down my length and trying to sate the need that kept growing, demanding more.

I pumped until my fingers were slick with precum, then bent forward.

Loren pushed up on his elbows, and I held my hand out.

He opened his mouth with his tongue resting on his teeth, and I dragged my hand across it, covering him with the taste of me.

He wrapped his lips around my digits and hummed a hungry sound, pushing in until they were nearly down his throat.

He held them there, sucking and savoring while I rode his dick.

My eyes fluttered closed as I imagined it was my cock thrusting into him instead, being consumed by wet heat.

I whined and pulled my hand back, grabbing my shaft and coating my palm with fresh fluid, then feeding it to him again.

He caught my wrist this time, trapping me three fingers deep in his mouth.

With every hole filled, he panted around my hand while driving his cock into me.

Deeper. Faster.

It was all I could do to hang on, bearing down and gagging him with my fingers until my soft, quiet boy was making the lewdest sounds.

Not thinking. Not worrying.

Not fearing for anything.

Release came in a final, shuddering stroke.

Loren’s teeth dug into my knuckles as his cum filled my ass.

I came along with him, spurting ropes of glossy white fluid onto his chest. It glistened on his sweat-dappled skin.

Loren moaned as I pulled off him, feeling that plug in his ass more than ever and probably sore from it.

I giggled and stood, leaking jizz down my leg.

“I like it when you’re messy,” I told him.

Not to mention he looked sexy as hell with his hair wild and chest heaving.

I offered him a hand up, and he took it, rising carefully while the toy shifted inside him.

He snagged me around the middle and pulled me in for a kiss.

For as possessive as I was feeling, he seemed to have picked up on it, too.

There was something claiming about his mouth, consuming as he crushed his lips against mine.

It said what we both knew: I was his, too.

We stumbled into the bathroom then the shower, exchanging kisses and tender touches.

By the time we were both clean and dressed in pajamas, Loren looked drowsy.

His eyelids drooped, and his arms hung limply at his sides.

After staying awake and on guard for days, it seemed he’d finally found enough peace to relax.

He collapsed on the bed, and I curled against his back with my arm thrown over his side and my face nuzzled to the nape of his neck.

I smelled his skin, breathed him in, and mentally repeated mine, mine, mine .

“Indy?” Loren’s voice was thick with impending sleep.

“Yeah, baby?” I asked.

He exhaled. The breath and his words were stifled as he sank lower into his pillow.

“I wouldn’t have gone,” he mumbled.

“To Heaven. Even if I could’ve.”

The return of that topic washed coolly over me.

Had he been thinking about it this whole time?

His hand cupped atop mine where it draped across his stomach, and he sighed again.

“I don’t want to be anywhere you’re not.”

I tucked myself tighter to him and didn’t say a word.

Simply laid there and felt his chest rise and fall gradually slower until sleep claimed him at last.

He may have found peace, but I was far from it.

Loren admitting he would have stayed on Earth, an eternal prisoner of Hell for my sake, was exactly what I’d feared.

I was the cause of this.

The problem. Not the solution.

So, here I was in another nearly perfect moment, wracked with guilt and wanting to escape.

I could remember, reminisce, but that wasn’t enough.

I needed to retreat.

To lose myself in times before demons wanted me to cleanse their souls.

Before Loren said he was broken, destroyed.

Before I knew it was my fault.

Carefully, I pulled away from him, determined not to disturb his much-needed rest. I rolled over and looked at the bedside table where my cellphone lay face down.

My gaze flicked to the window and the sky outside speckled with distant stars.

It was late, but also right on time.

Retrieving my phone, I opened my contacts to find Chaz’s number.

I selected messages and typed a quick sentence.

hey you out?

I pressed the cell to my chest, afraid Loren would wake and see it.

He hadn’t asked about my addiction.

Hadn’t asked about anything, and I hadn’t volunteered.

Even if I said something, it would have been to tell him I was fine.

Great, actually. But this didn’t look great.

The phone hummed, and I checked the incoming message.

yeah

Swallowing, I glanced back at Loren to ensure he was asleep before I tapped out the words.

meet me?

Another few seconds passed, and I watched the dots bounce on the reply line until the response came through.

yeah

Yeah , I thought, then I whispered it to myself as I rose from the bed and sent a final message. on my way