Page 20 of Hotter in the Hamptons

Lola was awake, but she didn’t want to be.

She was wrapped like a burrito in the soft, warm linen sheets, a cool breeze from the open window tickling her one exposed foot. She felt cloudy with sleep, as though she’d been in a coma for a hundred years. Her temples throbbed. For a few minutes, she didn’t even open her eyes, just nestled deeper into her cocoon.

She heard sounds from the kitchen below—heavy footsteps, then the sink running and dishes clattering. Someone was cleaning.

She stretched an arm out.

It landed on an empty pillow. That didn’t feel right.

Her eyes flew open.

The events of the night before came rushing back.

Justin had been here. Was still here, somewhere.

At least they hadn’t had sex. Maybe some cuddling. Then, to her credit, she’d made him leave.

Was that him cleaning downstairs?

And where was Aly?

Fuck. Aly .

Lola bolted upright.

She remembered herself saying This is my neighbor. And then the confused look on Aly’s face, followed by the horrible, calm way she’d turned and walked out.

Lola flew out of bed, then caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

She looked…terrifying. She was still wearing her nap dress, now wrinkled to shit, and her underwear, which definitely smelled like the pool. Her hair was stiff with chlorine. Sheet marks lined her face. Her chapped lips were stained wine red. She could shower before going downstairs and facing her life.

She should shower.

Especially if that was Justin making so much noise in the kitchen. He preferred her clean, and old habits died hard.

She quickly stripped, and then, under the hot water, as she scrubbed her skin raw, she tried to think about what she actually wanted to happen next.

The problem was that she hadn’t planned for any of this.

She had not expected Justin to show up and beg for her back.

She had not expected to have to introduce him to Aly.

She had not expected Aly to want to be her girlfriend.

Her mind was swirling with what other people wanted from her. But what did she want? She combed conditioner through her tangled hair and tried to picture her perfect scenario, given all the factors. But she couldn’t.

She hated that his body in bed had been so comforting.

He wanted to get back together. What a plot twist. But did she feel the same way? On some level, she thought, sure, there was a world in which she still wanted him. Five years’ worth of feelings didn’t just disappear.

She tried to picture it—she could slip back into a relationship with him easily, go back to the way everything had been, minus her career, of course, though that felt less pressing in this moment. But she could just as easily run over to Aly’s house and apologize, finally tell her that yes, she did want to be Aly’s girlfriend. She didn’t want this to be an either/or situation, though. She didn’t want to choose between them. If she was being honest with herself—and she was really, really trying to be, for once—the problem was that she wanted both of them.

But she had a feeling neither of them would be down for a throuple. And she didn’t actually want that either; she couldn’t imagine juggling two relationships at once.

What she wanted was for there to be two different Lolas, two separate versions of her, one who could date Justin and one who could date Aly. Then no one would have to get hurt.

Barring an alternate universe, she had no idea what an actual solution would look like.

She stayed in the shower a little longer than necessary, letting the mirror fully fog up, until she couldn’t put it off any longer. Reluctantly, she turned the water off.

She dried herself off, pulled on jeans and a T-shirt, and walked barefoot downstairs.

Justin sat at Giancarlo’s kitchen table with a glass of orange juice and his phone. He looked neater than he had yesterday, back to normal in a wrinkle-free T-shirt.

“Hey,” she said, “did you find everything you needed okay? You want cereal or something?”

He looked up from his phone, frowning.

“Oh god,” she said, assessing the look on his face. “What?”

“Lola, what is this?”

He handed her his phone.

She held her breath as she took it, her heart already thundering in her chest. Now what?

It was Stepped Out’s Instagram, a celebrity gossip and meme account known to their 1.7 million followers for their ruthlessness, irreverence, and breathless coverage of notable people stepping out. Not a super on-brand page for Justin to be looking at.

He had it open to their most recent post: a grainy photo of two women holding hands and walking through a restaurant. One was wearing a skimpy, black dress with long, wild, blond hair; the other, a brunette, was in black linen pants.

It was her and Aly.

“What the fuck is this?”

“Just read it,” Justin said. His voice was eerily quiet.

She bit her lower lip and began to read.

@steppedout: Lesbian chic? More like lesbian SHRIEK! Canceled bland princess Lola Fine has been seen all over East Hampton this summer with none other than rising sapphic star Aly Ray Carter, and they’ve been looking more than a little cozy. Ironic, given that Lola was canceled for being homophobic on main, and if you recall, Aly was the one to twist the knife with that damning, viral profile in The Cut . ARC, of course, is known for being somewhat of a lesbian Casanova (anyone else remember the Raina era?) so it’s not surprising that she has this kind of pull—what’s surprising is WHO she pulled. All this begs the question: If Lola is queer, did we cancel her for nothing? Or is this just a PR strategy to rehabilitate her image? And if she IS queer, why not just come out? So, readers, tell us what you think: Is this for real, or is it the greatest queer bait of all time?

Oh, and quick PSA: Stepped Out does not condone the outing of anybody, unless of course that person has a documented history of homophobia, in which case we consider them fair game.

With shaking hands, she swiped through the carousel.

Blurry, zoomed-in photos showed her and Aly at Sí Sí, their first real date. Someone at a nearby table must have taken them. They were looking adoringly at each other, holding hands across the table, not paying attention to the world around them.

Clearly.

The phone fell out of her hands, clattering on the floor.

“Justin, I…” She sank to her knees to retrieve it.

“Lola, what the fuck?” he interrupted her. “Aly Ray Carter is the girl I met yesterday? Your neighbor? I’m so confused. Please, please tell me you’re not fucking the person who ruined our lives. Literally anyone but her.”

Lola stayed on the ground.

“That’s your idea of a rebound? That woman? ” He was yelling now.

“She’s not why we broke up,” Lola said, finding her voice at last. “You cannot blame everything on Aly.”

“Can’t I? Lola, this is so fucking humiliating. After I crossed the country to get you back. You haven’t missed me at all. You’ve just spent all summer sleeping with the one person you knew would hurt me the most.”

The words shot through her, a knife of clarity. Once again, he’d made it about him .

She looked up at him: his crisp blue jeans, his pristine sneakers, his stainless-steel TAG Heuer watch. He always looked extra handsome when he was angry.

And then she really looked at him.

Here was the man she’d spent so many years loving. It had been hard to see him clearly when they were in their little bubble, having amazing sex and eating $500 groceries and lying around their penthouse. But from this vantage point—not just where she knelt on the floor but with over two months of distance between them—she saw who he was.

He was a good person in many ways. Noble, even.

But in others, he cared about the wrong things. He couldn’t see outside his own ego, his own image. He never could. And maybe that was why she had once been so perfect for him.

Once.

A strange sort of calm settled over her.

“Has it occurred to you that it has nothing to do with you?” she asked, her voice quieter than both of them expected it to be.

He looked startled by it. As though he’d wanted her to scream back. “My parents are going to freak out,” he said.

“Your parents?” she repeated. There it was. She had once loved how much his family meant to him. Now, though, she realized that he’d never be able to prioritize her over them. “That’s who you’re thinking about right now?”

“My whole entire family knows I’m here,” he said. “They’re all waiting for me to call them and tell them that we’re back together. And now I have to tell them—well, you tell me . What should I tell them, Lola? That we’re not getting back together because you’re a lesbian now?”

“I’m not a lesbian,” she said matter-of-factly. “But you know what? If I were, it wouldn’t be any of their business. Nor yours, for that matter.”

Justin’s mouth hung open. She had never asserted herself like this before.

“You lost the right to know what’s up with me the second you walked out our door,” she added.

“I told you I wanted to take a break ,” he said. “Not break up. There’s a difference.”

“I’m not sure there is,” she replied, everything clicking into place at once. “You could have stayed so we could work through our differences together .”

“Lola, I asked you to marry me ,” he said.

“Yeah,” she said, incredulous at the memory of it. “You called it a proposal, but it was more like an ambush. I was clearly not in the headspace to make any major decisions, and instead of understanding that, you held it against me. When things got hard, you literally bounced. You left me alone to pick up the pieces of my life.”

Just then, Ryan burst through the front door and came crashing into the kitchen. “LOLA!” he screamed. “Stepped fucking Out?” Then his eyes landed on Justin. “Jesus, fuck,” he cried. “Not you.”

“Hi, Ryan,” Justin said, his voice flat and unfriendly.

Ryan ignored him. “Lola, are you okay?”

“Oh, I have no idea.” She tried to laugh, but what came out of her mouth was more like a sob. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Ryan shot Justin a look. “Which part can’t you believe?”

“Don’t worry,” Justin said, getting up. “I’m leaving.”

Lola and Ryan were both frozen in place while Justin pushed past them, pausing only to take his phone from Lola’s hands. He made his way upstairs, thundering up each step.

Justin? Ryan mouthed at her. What the fuck?

She shook her head, gesturing for him to stay quiet.

They listened as he gathered his things and then returned, suitcase in hand, standing in the doorway looking bereft.

“Justin,” she started but trailed off. She didn’t have that much left to say to him.

“I’m sorry I showed up like this,” he said. His shoulders slumped forward. “I know it wasn’t fair to surprise you. For what it’s worth, I do want you to be happy. I just wanted you to be happy with me , I guess.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“I love you so much,” he said, his hand gripping the handle of his suitcase. “Everything I said last night still stands. If you want to be with me, be with me. But if you don’t, I need you to tell me sooner rather than later.”

She nodded, her heart aching at the sight of him so undone, despite all her anger. “That seems fair.”

“My Uber is almost here,” he said. “I’ll wait outside.”

And then he was gone.

Lola, still kneeling, crumpled all the way to the ground.

Ryan sat on the floor next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“Oh, honey,” he said. “Fuck him. I promise you, we will get through this.”

But Justin leaving like that wasn’t what caused her to collapse.

It was the Stepped Out post.

She’d already been through Justin dumping her. She knew she’d survive whatever sort of breakup 2.0 they were having. But the post? The intrusion on her personal life? This Hamptons life she’d been living? She wasn’t sure she could get through it again.

Tears streamed down her face. “I can’t believe they outed me.”

“It’s bad enough being outed when you’re actually gay.” He nodded. “But you’re still voting undecided. How dare they pull this crap? It’s so unethical. Do you want me to call their lawyer?”

She wept into his shoulder, the embarrassment taking hold. “I wonder if Aly’s seen it.”

“Woof,” Ryan said. “Maybe go talk to her?”

“I doubt she wants to talk to me.”

He hesitated, and then it registered. “Ah. I gather she knows that Justin is here.”

Lola was hit with alternating waves of sadness, regret, and fear. “That’s why you shouldn’t date your neighbor, I guess.”

“He spent the night, I assume?”

“Yes,” she said. “But nothing happened—except for me having to introduce him and Aly and totally messing it up.”

Ryan winced. “I think the sooner you go over there and face her, the better. I’ll wait for you.”

“I know that you’re right, but I don’t think my legs work.”

He laughed and pulled her up. “You can do this,” he said and then gave her a little push toward the door.

Lola was so panicked about talking to Aly that she barely even registered the walk to Aly’s front door. Suddenly she was just there, knocking.

And knocking and knocking.

What would Lola even say to her? She hadn’t planned a speech, hadn’t tried to imagine all the different ways this could go. For better or worse, Lola was in the present moment—facing it.

Or trying to. She kept knocking.

Aly’s car in the driveway meant she was home, but all the lights were off.

Lola tried the door. It was open. Inside, the house was a mess. Cartons of ice cream crowded the coffee table. The couch was covered in tissues. An empty wine bottle rolled across the floor. But Aly was nowhere to be found.

Lola walked around the side of the house, then to the pool.

“Aly?” she called, rounding the corner.

“Oh, it’s you.”

Aly’s voice came out hoarse and quiet. She was sitting at the edge of the pool, feet dangling into the sparkling turquoise water. She wore all black, a linen set from the Row that Lola had admired in Aly’s closet just a few days ago.

She had her sunglasses on, but through the lilac lenses, her eyes were puffy, as though she’d been crying. As though maybe she hadn’t slept at all.

“Come to break my heart?” Aly asked.

“Oh my god, no!” Lola said.

Aly stood up and walked toward her. She was holding a Starbucks paper cup of black coffee, no lid, the edges all chewed.

“Oh, Aly,” Lola exhaled. She moved to hug her, but Aly dodged her arms, her coffee sloshing.

Despite how distraught she obviously was, Aly looked prettier than ever, her cheekbones extra defined, even her puffy eyelids giving her a kind of sensual, sleepy look.

Lola ached to hug her. Instead, she stayed put, trying to respect the clear boundaries Aly was projecting.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Aly said. “I know he spent the night. I know you’re here to tell me you’re getting back together with him. Don’t waste your breath.” Aly leaned against the side of the house, as though she were trying to do that signature too-cool thing she liked to do. “I’ve been through this before. I know how it ends.”

“No,” Lola said. “You’re wrong.”

“About which part?”

“He spent the night, but nothing happened. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’m here because of the Stepped Out post.”

Aly folded her arms across her chest and started laughing.

It wasn’t her real laugh, though. It was something meaner, colder. Lola wanted to recoil.

“Lola, who fucking cares about a Stepped Out post?”

Lola was stunned. “What?”

“You and I are known . We went out in public together . What did you expect?”

Lola was pissed off now. “I expected to have my privacy respected. I expected to be able to choose how we were talked about and analyzed, how I wanted to define this.”

“Oh please.” Aly rolled her eyes. “You’re a public person. You gave up the right to privacy when you hit seven figures on Instagram.”

“I…don’t know if I agree with that,” Lola said.

Aly put her hands on her hips. “I can’t believe we’re talking about a post from some stupid fucking meme account right now.”

“It’s not just a meme account!” Lola cried. “I can’t believe you don’t care more about this. It’s my career. It’s my life, being dissected by vultures, again. ”

“You don’t even want to be an influencer,” Aly shot back. “You hate that life. You haven’t tried at all this summer to get back to it. You don’t miss it at all.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Lola said, fury hot in her chest. “The reason I haven’t tried to work this summer is because I’ve been so busy falling for you. ”

“You don’t get to blame me for the fact that your life lacks direction.”

It was like getting slapped across the face. “My life doesn’t lack direction,” Lola protested, though she knew Aly was right—again. “You have no idea what I want.”

“You don’t either,” Aly said.

“Wow,” Lola said, her voice flat with anger. “So that’s what you think.”

“I think that I cared about you,” Aly said simply. “And I care about the fact that I just wasted my whole summer on something that you threw away.”

“I didn’t throw anything away,” Lola protested.

“ This is my neighbor ?” Aly said, mimicking Lola. “I know you never agreed to be my girlfriend, but I thought I was a little more than the girl next door.”

Lola’s vision blurred with tears. She wiped them away, not wanting Aly to see her fall apart. It was too vulnerable to cry when Aly was being so mean.

“Aly, please . I’m sorry. I don’t know why that came out of my mouth. I just wasn’t ready to tell him that I am in a relationship with the person who he thinks ruined his life. And anyway, if you cared about me, you’d care how much these photos have hurt me. This is the second—no, third time I’ve been majorly called out in one summer. People keep picking me apart in public. Using my life—my real, actual life, complete with my mistakes and my feelings and my relationships—as fodder for fucking clicks. Do you have any idea how bad that feels?”

Aly didn’t seem to have anything to say to this. Instead, she looked at the ground.

Lola wanted Aly to understand how it felt like a slap in the face, how lost she felt, how, despite all the public criticism hurled her way, she was still the same girl with the same problems in the same place. But Aly didn’t seem to hear her. Aly was being defensive, not trying to work through this with Lola.

Here Lola was, coming to Aly with an open heart, and Aly wasn’t listening to a word she said.

She tried to feel empathy for Aly. She put herself in Aly’s shoes: Aly had a history of dating women who left her for men. Because of that, she was expecting the worst. And maybe, because she expected it, she was pushing for it—a self-fulling prophecy, just like when Aly ghosted her after Fire Island. Lola did feel bad for her when she thought about it like that. But she could feel the ember of anger stoking in her belly. Because Aly was putting her personal history on Lola, a history that had nothing to do with her. It wasn’t fair.

Besides, it wasn’t like Aly was trying to have empathy for her .

Lola took a breath. “Aly, I know you are triggered by Justin showing up, and I want to honor that, but I promise you that nothing happened. I’m not Raina. I would really like for us to be able to process what it means that I’ve been outed. That we’ve been outed as a couple.”

She felt proud of herself for stating her needs so clearly. She wondered if she’d ever had such clarity before.

Though it didn’t matter how well she expressed herself if Aly was shut down.

“But we’re not a couple,” Aly said.

“Are we not?” Lola’s heart thundered painfully in her chest. If they weren’t a couple, then she didn’t know which end was up. Sure, they hadn’t used the word girlfriend , but they spent all their time together, and they weren’t seeing other people. Wasn’t that what being in a couple was?

“I think you should go,” Aly said.

“Really?”

Aly nodded. “Please, Lola, just get the fuck out of my yard.”

Lola wasn’t ready to give up yet. “Do you still want me to be your girlfriend?”

Aly’s eyes widened. “How can you ask me that right now?”

“I need to know if I’m fighting for us or if you’ve already made up your mind.”

Aly threw her arms up into the air. “Lola, I’m the one who has been fighting for us. You’re the one who just spent the night with your ex-boyfriend.”

Lola was reaching the end of her patience. She could hear her own volume raising. “Justin and I were together for five years. This was the first time we’ve seen each other since we broke up. I owed him a conversation. What was I supposed to do, kick him to the curb? That’s not how I treat people I’ve loved. I would hope that you don’t either.”

“That’s fine,” Aly said, though by the way she said it, it seemed anything but. “I understand. It’s whatever. And maybe this would feel different if you’d committed to me. But you haven’t. You’re still thinking about whether you want to actually do this for real. And honestly, Lola, I’m tired. I’m tired of chasing you around. There are plenty of girls who would love to be my girlfriend.”

That stung.

“I’m sure there are,” Lola said, imagining an invisible line of beautiful women just waiting for the chance to get with ARC.

Was she still one of them?

She wasn’t sure. Aly’s cruelty was clouding everything.

“Let me know what you decide,” Aly said. “You can’t have us both.”

Lola sighed dramatically. This was like having a conversation with a wall. Nothing she said was getting through.

“Okay,” she said, giving up, “I guess I’ll let you know what I decide, then.”

Before she left Aly’s backyard, she took one last look at the girl who had turned her whole life upside down. It suddenly occurred to her that she didn’t know when she’d see her again.

Aly stood in dappled sunlight, leaning against the side of her house, her arms folded across her chest, her face was drawn.

“For what it’s worth, I do really care about you,” Lola said.

Aly didn’t say anything at all.

***

Back at Giancarlo’s, Ryan was waiting for her in the kitchen.

He read the look on her face and then pulled her into a hug. “Tell me what you need,” he said.

As they held each other, she looked over his shoulder at Giancarlo’s flawless, cream-colored house. Sunlight streamed through the bay windows. She listened for the sound of the waves outside. It was stunning here. But it wasn’t her home.

Summer was ending. Real life was calling her back. There was no hiding from it. Not even here. She had the feeling she’d overstayed her welcome in East Hampton.

Wherever you go, there you are , she thought.

“I think I want to go back to the city,” she replied.

“It does feel like it’s about that time, doesn’t it?” He rubbed circles on her back. “Giancarlo comes back after Labor Day anyway.”

“Maybe we could rent a car this time,” she said. “So I can take the damn sewing machine with me.”

“You better,” he said, laughing. “And if you ask nicely, I’ll even help you carry it.”

Lola was too sad to laugh with him, but she appreciated the sentiment.

“I wonder if Justin will be in my apartment when I get home,” she mused.

“If he is, you can just come stay with me,” Ryan offered.

She pulled away and squeezed his arm. “That’s really nice of you, but you don’t actually want me living in your space.”

“Maybe not long-term, but the offer still stands.”

“Thank you,” she said, overcome with appreciation for Ryan, her best friend in the whole wide world, who had seen her through so much. “I probably don’t say this enough, but I literally don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you know what?” he replied. “You never have to find out.”