Page 16 of Hotter in the Hamptons

Lola woke up to the sound of a toddler screaming. She groaned and reached for Aly, but the bed was empty.

She looked at her phone. It was a little after nine. She texted her: I’ll give you a million dollars if you bring me coffee.

There was a buzzing sound. Aly’s phone was still on the nightstand.

Lola sighed heavily and prepared herself to go downstairs. Lying in bed, she went back over everything that had happened yesterday—the awful things Colette said in the kitchen; what Aly had confessed to her about her past; how nice Lauren was to her; how much she liked talking to Jess; how special it felt, even though she wasn’t part of this group, to observe their bond.

As though watching a tape, she rewound to the part where Aly told her about her ex, the one she’d left Colette for.

Aly hadn’t been on Lola’s radar when this relationship took place, so Lola didn’t have a mental image of the couple.

She googled Aly Ray Carter and model girlfriend.

The search results were flooded with Getty and BFA images, articles, and social media posts. The model ex-girlfriend, Raina, was a light-skinned Black woman with long, shiny curls and a septum piercing. She was very tall and reed thin, which told Lola she wasn’t just a model but a runway model. Clothes simply hung off her in a way that Lola envied. She dug deeper into the search results: Aly and Raina photographed leaving fashion shows, at parties, on red carpets. Aly and Raina linked together at restaurant openings and literary events. Lola zoomed in, trying to figure out if Aly looked happier with Raina than she did with her.

Aly wasn’t smiling in any of the photos. Whether that was because she was too cool or because she was unhappy, Lola could only guess.

She clicked further into Raina. She’d married her agent, a guy who looked twenty years older than her. Gross , Lola thought. Their kids were cute, though. Raina seemed to have left fashion altogether to be a trad wife. Her entire Instagram was her making elaborate meals from scratch wearing puff-sleeve dresses. Lola wondered if this was the life Justin had imagined for the two of them. Despite how pretty Raina was, she wasn’t making it look appealing. So many fucking mason jars.

She was going to make herself crazy doing this, and finally the promise of coffee proved too powerful. She cleared her search history and forced herself to get out of bed.

Everyone was sitting around the kitchen table, nearly empty plates revealing the remnants of blueberry pancakes. Clancy was in a high chair, the floor around him covered in crumbs. Lola felt intimidated by the intimacy of the scene. Five friends who had known each other forever, enjoying each other’s company first thing in the morning. She didn’t belong here. She was intruding. She fought the urge to flee.

Aly saw Lola in the doorway and jumped to her feet.

“She wakes,” Aly announced, bringing her coffee and ushering her to a seat.

“Lola, we were just making a plan for the day,” Laurie said. “What do you feel like doing?”

“Me?” Lola asked, trying to caffeinate as quickly as possible. “Oh, no. It’s whatever you guys want. I’m on your vacation.”

“No, no,” Lauren said. “We can find something everyone wants to do.”

“We could go on that nature walk,” Laurie said.

“I didn’t bring sneakers,” Colette said.

Colette looked like she didn’t own sneakers.

“What about beach volleyball?” Jess said. “There’s a net a little ways down.”

“I hate volleyball,” Aly groaned.

Lola sat up straighter. “Actually, I played in high school.”

“Aly can watch Clancy while we play,” Laurie said. “How long does everyone need to get ready? Five minutes? Three?”

There was some laughter. “Let’s meet in the driveway in an hour,” Aly said, nodding toward Lola. “Some of us are still waking up.”

“I mean, it’s a clothing optional beach.” Laurie shrugged. “How much time do you need to get naked?”

***

The beach was already filling up with couples and groups of friends rolling out towels and blankets and picnics as their crew headed to the net. It appeared to be a younger, more diverse crowd than the beaches of East Hampton, and Lola appreciated it. In the Hamptons, everyone was thin and white; all the women had the same long, balayaged hair. Things were much more interesting out here. No two bodies looked alike; there were curves and cellulite and muscles, top surgery scars and tattoos and all kinds of piercings. Skin of every color. People had hair that was long, buzzed, cut into mullets. She tried not to look at all the bare breasts that shone in the sun. She didn’t want to be a creep.

“Never been to a nude queer beach before?” Laurie asked, as though she could sense Lola’s wide eyes.

“You know, I haven’t,” she said. She wished everyone would stop calling her out for being so new to this world.

To Lola’s relief, despite the beach’s clothing policy, all the girls in their group had their bathing suits on; Laurie and Lauren in simple one-pieces, Colette in a witchy Chromat bathing suit that tied into the shape of a pentagram, Jess in board shorts and a UV-safe tank top, and Aly in that black one-piece that showed off her long, pale legs.

Anytime Lola had been in a group of girls in New York, it had been in a work context: going to a fashion event together or agreeing to like and comment on each other’s posts as a pod. She hadn’t ever had a group of friends with such history and intention, and though she knew she wasn’t really one of them, it was nice just to be around them and their fondness for one another.

Laurie produced a volleyball from her tote bag as they assembled themselves around the net, the waves crashing merrily in the background. Aly and Clancy flopped down into the sand and immediately began digging, making Lola’s heart momentarily swell. Even though she wasn’t technically a “kid person,” she could appreciate how endearing it was to see Aly making Clancy giggle on the beach.

Jess and Colette declared themselves team captains, and Lola tried to prepare herself to not get picked for a team.

To her surprise, she was chosen first.

“I pick Lola,” Jess shouted. “Team Bisexual!”

Lola wasn’t sure if it was better to be called straight or bi by these women. Each felt like a potential minefield.

“You’re bi?” Lola said, joining Jess on her side of the net.

“Does that shock you?”

Lola nodded.

“Because I’m masc?”

Lola treaded carefully. “I just don’t think I’ve ever met a bisexual butch before.”

“That you know of,” Jess pointed out. “But the truth is I prefer the term queer . I feel like it encompasses more. It’s not just that I’m into women and men. It’s that I’m kind of into…everyone.” She flashed Lola a blinding smile. “Transpeople, nonbinary people, just…people.”

“I get that,” Lola said, and she did. She felt it resonate deep in her bones, but she wasn’t ready to go there. “But I don’t think I’m bi. I think I just like Aly.”

Jess shrugged. “Sure,” she said. “Maybe for right now. But what about who you’ll like after Aly?”

After Aly? Lola swallowed. She had not considered that there would be people after Aly. Despite the summer-fling vibe of whatever was going on between them, it was impossible to see beyond it.

Before Lola could answer, Colette’s voice rose over the beach wind. “Stop flirting and pick your next team member.”

“Flirting?” Lola cried, laughing at how ridiculous it was. “Who the fuck is flirting?”

“Ignore her,” Jess said, laughing too. “She hates when I talk to pretty femmes.”

So maybe they were flirting? But Lola hadn’t meant to. Jess was just so easy to talk to and… Okay, she was definitely getting in her head now. She wasn’t used to being in a situation where bonding with another girl could be misconstrued as sexual; she didn’t know what to make of the teasing (or tormenting, coming from Colette). She eyed Aly, who seemed engrossed in building Clancy a sandcastle, and vowed to stop laughing so loudly at Jess’s jokes, though she also had a feeling there was nothing she could do, no way she could act that Colette wouldn’t have some sort of problem with.

“We don’t need another team member,” Jess called. “Let’s do three on two. I have a feeling you’re going to want the extra support.”

Everyone agreed that Lola should serve first. She said a silent prayer that her muscle memory would kick in as she threw the ball in the air and then missed it entirely, slamming her fist through empty air as the ball dropped on the ground.

There was a pause before everyone began to laugh.

“Jesus,” she exclaimed, heat rising in her cheeks. “I swear I’ve done this before!”

“You got this,” Jess said from beside her, taking her spot on the sand, as Lauren called a chirpy, “Go Lola!” from across the net.

Lola picked up the ball again, mentally psyching herself up as she spun it in her hand. Across the net, Colette folded her arms, as though she didn’t expect to need to use them.

How annoying.

Lola threw the ball in the air and then slammed down on it with a closed fist.

It flew over the net, and Lola’s heart soared. That was until it rocketed square into Lauren’s stomach with force, sprawling her on her back.

Laurie and Colette looked on in shock from both sides.

“Oh fuck,” Lola cried. “Fuck, shit. Oh my god.”

“Lola, what the fuck did you do?” Colette said as Laurie knelt down beside her wife.

Lola and Jess ran to the other side of the net, apologies spilling incoherently from Lola’s mouth. That was when she saw Lauren bent in half, clutching her stomach, laughter racking her body. The knot in Lola’s stomach loosened.

“I’m so sorry,” Lola said, kneeling next to her. “Are you okay?”

Lauren wiped tears from her face, her infectious belly laugh catching as she burst out, “And to think, I’ve been so nice to you!”

Lola let out a groan. “You really have. I can’t believe my aim was that off. I swear I was once good at this.”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. It mostly just surprised me!”

Laurie pulled Lauren up and then tossed the ball back to Lola.

“Try again,” she said easily, a grin across her face. “And this time, try not to kill my wife.”

Lola eyed Colette, her perfect lips twisted like she didn’t want to smile. Lola gave Laurie a thumbs-up in return. “Right, aim for Colette next time. Got it.”

Lola heard a loud laugh sound from the sidelines and turned her head, seeing Aly watching gleefully from her spot on the beach. Laurie and Lauren looked at each other in surprise before bursting into laughter again.

“Exactly, Lola. Exactly.” Laurie nodded, stifling her glee as she patted Colette’s shoulder.

They went back to their places, and Lola tried again.

On the next serve, she nailed it—a perfect volley. Lauren lobbed it back over the net to Jess, who set it over to Lola.

Okay, Fine , she said to herself. You got this. This is just a normal game of beach volleyball. Do not overthink it. In fact, do not think anything. No thoughts. Just ball.

Her mantra worked as she hit the ball clear over the net once again. For the rest of the game, she and Jess found a rhythm. The Laurs and Colette, on the other side, struggled to make three players work. They ran into each other; they missed easy passes. Jess and Lola were beating them so severely that, soon enough, they stopped counting points.

Lola felt, as they played, like she wanted more of this: trips to the beach and volleyball games and wine-soaked dinners under the stars—with these people, with Aly. Even if Colette was there, it held appeal. It was kind of dreamy to imagine how life might stretch out if she and Aly continued doing what they were doing. She was fitting in, despite her trepidation. She was even having a great time.

It was getting hotter out now, the sun high overhead, and eventually everyone drifted away from the net and into the sand, exhausted and starting to burn.

“Good game,” Colette said to Lola.

Lola raised her brow, waiting for the but to drop.

“I’m serious,” Colette said, stretching out on a towel. “I’m impressed. And ashamed. I suck at anything involving a ball.”

“Or balls,” Laurie said, smirking.

“Thank you,” Lola said, accepting the compliment. “It’s the only sport I’ve ever been able to play.”

“That can’t be right. I mean you’re just so tall,” Jess said.

“I bet you’d be good in our basketball game,” Lauren added. “You should consider it when we all get back to the city.”

Lola’s stomach did a happy flip. Lauren thought she’d be around long enough to hang out with them in Brooklyn, to play basketball at the famous pickup games.

Aly passed Clancy back to his moms and then grabbed Lola by the hand and ran down to the water’s edge, where the frothy Atlantic washed over their toes.

“How are you?” Aly asked. “Is this all okay?”

“I’m good,” Lola replied, and she was.

Aly traced a finger down Lola’s arm. “I love how your arm hair turns golden,” she said.

“I know you do,” Lola said and kissed her on the mouth.

***

Dinner that night was an early reservation at a pizza place with yellow umbrellas. Lola hadn’t had pizza since leaving the city for the summer and couldn’t stifle the groan when the melted mozzarella dripped hot oil onto her tongue.

“I heard that,” Aly laughed.

“I think I just came,” Lola replied, her mouth full.

Aly reached over and wiped the grease from Lola’s chin.

“You’re as bad as Clancy.” Aly pointed. The toddler, too, was covered in pizza.

Tired from the long day in the hot sun, Lola was content to sit back and let everyone else talk. She swirled her natural wine and looked out at the water, laughter rising and falling around her. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she thought of Justin. They were supposed to be in Capri by now. Or at least she felt fairly certain. She never could remember the exact dates of that trip.

And if she had been with him instead of here—if he hadn’t abandoned her in her lowest moment as he had—she would probably be happy, just as she was now. But then she’d also never know the feeling of Aly’s body on hers. Would she have spent her whole life wondering about other women, or would someone else have eventually caught her eye and lured her away?

It was strange to think how close she’d been to living a totally different life, how every decision had such a huge impact.

“Earth to Lola.” Aly nudged her. While Lola spaced out, they had paid the check, and a girl with blue hair was cleaning up the table. “Let’s go get in bed.”

“Yes, let’s,” Lola said. They were the last to leave.

“Thanks for coming,” the server said. “You guys make a really cute couple.”

***

Their clothes were in a trail from the bedroom door to the bed. Under the covers, with the lights dimmed, they clung to each other.

“I have to tell you something,” Aly whispered, between kisses.

“Anything.”

“I like you.”

Lola laughed. “I thought so.”

“No. Like, I like like you.”

“What is this, seventh grade?” Lola asked, trying to downplay the giddy rush she felt. “I like like you too, Carter.”

“Thank god,” Aly whispered in return.

What did it mean, Lola wondered, that she and Aly admitting to liking each other—no, to like liking each other? Did it mean she was safer? That Aly was less likely to leave her behind after this Hamptons summer, trample her heart on the way out?

She kissed Aly’s neck, breathing in her skin. Her hands wandered down Aly’s stomach. She certainly felt safer than she had in the beginning—than she had at the start of this weekend, even.

She flipped Aly onto her back and climbed on top of her. Aly laughed in surprise but stopped when Lola kissed her, hard and deep. Aly dug her hands into Lola’s hair, pressing herself into Lola’s leg. Lola could feel how much Aly wanted her, how vulnerable she was too.

Despite her reputation as a heartbreaker, she was just as soft as Lola, just as hopeful for love, trusting of it. Lola liked knowing this.

She kissed down Aly’s neck and then her collarbone.

Aly’s breath quickened.

Lola kissed down her chest, stopping briefly to flick her tongue across Aly’s nipples, and then made her way down Aly’s long stomach, dusted with beauty marks and freckles. She had the sudden urge to take a picture of Aly’s torso so she could study it, memorize each spot.

She reached Aly’s hipbones.

“Lola,” Aly said.

“Shh,” Lola said, grinning, and then gave Aly’s left hip bone a hickey.

Aly squirmed beneath her.

This was fun.

She came eye level with Aly’s underwear and kissed her over it before pulling it off.

“Are you sure?” Aly asked.

“Of course I’m sure,” Lola said. “Now shut up. Please.”

Aly nodded and gave in, closing her eyes and arching her neck.

Lola put one hand on each of Aly’s small, lovely tits before sinking her open mouth onto Aly.

Remembering her lessons, she tongued Aly gently.

“Fuck, oh my god,” Aly said too loudly, but Lola didn’t care. Let them all hear her make Aly come.

And they did.

***

In the morning, everyone gathered in the kitchen to say goodbye.

“Thank you so much for including me this weekend,” Lola said, not caring if she was coming off too earnest. “It was so nice to meet you all. I had the best time.”

Jess pulled her in for a tight hug. “I don’t know what I’ll do without my teammate. It felt so good to kick their asses, you have no idea,” she said.

“Until next time.” Lola grinned. She turned, and there was Colette standing before her.

“I’m sorry for being such a cunt when you first got here.”

Everyone laughed, including Lola.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Did I pass the test?”

“You did. And the truth is I’ve been following you on Instagram for years. I used to love your vintage how-tos. You should bring those back.”

“Wow,” Lola said, trying not to show how flattered she was. “Thank you. I know, I really should.” If Colette thought she should bring back her vintage content, other people probably thought so too, which meant it didn’t have to be a pipe dream. She could do it for real. She added, “I can’t wait to read your novel.”

“You’ll like it,” Aly jumped in, though it occurred to Lola that Aly had no idea what kind of books she liked.

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” she said, agreeing.

Lola hugged the Laurs goodbye, squeezing Lauren’s arm for a second longer. “I’m sorry again for the volleyball incident.”

“Oh please,” Lauren said. “It’s already forgotten. It was so, so nice to meet you. I hope we see you again.”

“I hope so too,” Lola replied, truly meaning it as she took in the group for a last time.

Lola and Aly left hand in hand. As the house faded into the background, Aly looked over her way.

“Did you really have a good time?”

“I did,” Lola said. “And I liked getting to see you with your friends—your real friends, not people you know from the fashion world.”

Aly nodded in agreement. “It’s a different vibe. I’d love to meet your non-fashion-world friends too.”

Lola frowned. “You can come over and hang out with Ryan whenever you want. Beyond that, the friendship pool is a little light these days. A certain takedown piece that a very hot, very high-profile journalist wrote took care of that.” She bumped her shoulder against Aly’s, teasing.

“Oh, Jesus, really?” Aly said. They were approaching the ferry now, and the air smelled like fish and fuel. “I’m so sorry, Lola.”

“No, stop, seriously. It’s not just that,” she said. “I mean, I’ve never really needed more than one or two close friends. But the impact on my career, I think it’s worse than you think it is.”

“How so?”

“I couldn’t tell you about this in our interview because of my NDA, but who cares at this point? I designed a line of dresses for Shopbop. They were going to be announced soon. But they killed the deal after the article. They don’t want to be associated with blandness.”

Aly looked pale. “So I ruined your dreams.”

“It’s okay,” Lola said, suddenly uncomfortable. “I can find other dreams.”

“No, you can’t. You’ve wanted to be a fashion designer your whole life, and I took that from you.” Aly dropped Lola’s hand.

“Well, you don’t have to make me feel worse about it,” Lola said.

“And now I’m not saying the right thing either.”

“Jesus, don’t get so defensive,” Lola said. “I’m the one whose life got ruined, not you. I’m allowed to have feelings about it.”

“Yeah, but are you going to hold it over me forever?” Aly asked. “How many times do we have to go over this?”

“I didn’t realize you were so sick of talking about it,” Lola said, dismayed. “We’ve barely scratched the surface, and anyways, you’re the one who brought it up, not me.”

“Barely scratched the surface?” Aly repeated, her voice sounding angry and unfamiliar. “All you did was scream at me about it for my first month out here.”

“But that was before,” Lola tried. “Before we…knew each other.” She didn’t understand why this was turning into a whole thing.

“Yeah, but we were still us,” Aly replied, short and sharp.

“Oh my god. Can you not start a fight with me after we just had such a lovely weekend?”

“I’m sorry,” Aly replied, voice clipped, as they walked up to the queue. “I guess I’m just in a bad mood. Introvert overload. I don’t do well when I don’t get any alone time.”

“I’m the one who spent all weekend getting tested by your friends,” Lola said. “If anyone deserves to be in a bad mood, it’s me.”

“Were they really testing you, though? They just wanted to know if you’re bisexual or not.”

“But who fucking cares?” Lola said, so loudly that people turned to look at them. She lowered her voice but only by a little. “I don’t understand why this feels so…political. I want you . It’s not more complicated than that.”

Aly’s eyebrows raised. “You don’t understand why queerness is political ? What do you think it means to be a queer person in this country right now?”

Defensively, Lola said, “Why don’t you go write an article about it?”

Aly rolled her eyes. “I know this is new for you, but what do you think my life, as a gay person, has been like? Some of us don’t have the luxury of just liking who we like. It’s who we are . It impacts our rights. ”

“Please don’t yell at me,” Lola whispered. She suddenly wanted to cry. She felt like she was being lectured or talked down to or both.

“I’m sorry,” Aly said before repeating, a bit quieter, “I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole. I think I need a snack or something.”

They were silent on the boat. Lola stared angrily at the horizon while Aly sulked next to her. It was awkward in the car too. Aly didn’t put her hand on Lola’s thigh at all. Instead, she put NPR on and turned the volume up.

Lola spent the entire drive fighting back tears. Aly had been so cutting out of nowhere. After Lola had spent all weekend sucking up to her friends, it didn’t seem fair to be treated like that. She was disappointed in Aly, but more than that, she was disappointed in herself. Because the whole point of coming out to the Hamptons was to figure out who she was. And instead of doing that, she’d just jumped into an Aly vortex, where there was perhaps no room for her at all.

When they pulled into Aly’s driveway, Aly finally faced her.

“Lola, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Sometimes I do this thing where I push people away.”

“No shit,” Lola said, her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, listen to me,” Aly said. “It’s always been easier for me to do the hurting than to get hurt. And you could really hurt me if you wanted to.”

“Great. So you decided to go first.”

“It’s what I do. But I’m trying to change. I want to change. I want to be a better person for you.”

Despite herself, Lola’s anger lifted an inch. It made sense. It was Aly’s reputation, after all.

“We’ve got a good thing going, Carter. Don’t ruin it.”

“I know. I don’t want to.”

They kissed, and Lola pulled away first. “I think we both need some alone time,” she said. “Come find me tomorrow.”

“I will,” Aly said and kissed her again.

***

As soon as she got inside, Lola let the tears fall. Slowly first, hot, thick drops dragging sunscreen down her face, and then harder as she sat down on her suitcase and began to sob. Everything that had been building all weekend came rushing to the surface—every snide comment, every dynamic she didn’t understand, every single time someone reminded her that they all had something in common with each other and not with her.

“Lola?” Ryan was running down the stairs. He knelt beside her and put his arms around her. “What the fuck happened? Were the lesbians mean to you?”

“How did you know?” she said, laughing through her tears.

“Aly too?”

Lola nodded and sniffled. “She didn’t mean to be, though.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I’m sure. So The L Word Takes Long Island wasn’t a dream, huh?”

“How long have you been waiting to make that joke?”

“Since the moment you left.”

Lola wiped the last of her tears on the bottom of her T-shirt. “They gave me a lot of shit for being straight. Or for being bi. Or for not being gay. It was actually really hard to follow what they were giving me shit for in the end. And I thought Aly was on my side, but then when we left, she totally laid into me about it. And I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and it’s like I don’t even really care because I just want to be doing whatever it is with her, you know?”

Ryan stood up and pulled her with him. “I hope you didn’t let it get to you. You’re allowed to just enjoy your new situationship without turning it into an identity.”

“That’s what I think!” she cried. “Why do I need a label? What does it mean if I’m just attracted to attractive people?”

“Honey, I think it means you’re alive ,” he said, putting his arm around her.

She rested her head on his shoulder.

She wished being alive didn’t have to be so painful.