Page 58

CHAPTER 57

ALL THE RIGHT REASONS

WILDER

T he rollercoaster we’ve been on for the last few days has worn my nerves so thin, it feels like I haven’t slept in a month.

The weather system has moved through, and today we woke up to sunshine and crisp, clear skies. As tired as I am, the sun is punishing as I drive to the Wilson’s. I wish it felt cheerful. But until I get my daughter back, cheer isn’t in my emotional vocabulary.

When I left for work yesterday, it was the fucking last thing I wanted to do. Leaving Cass to think about it all day alone? Leaving her arms, the only place I found comfort? I don’t know how I did it, but I dragged my exhausted ass out of bed and to the station, counting the seconds until I could get home again.

I wish I’d been there when the bully’s mom came over, but it was probably best that it was just the two of them. The way that family wielded their power made me sick, and if Cass didn’t love her job so much, I’d have tried to convince her not to go back. But she does. So when the principal called and asked her to return, she was over the moon, and I was too. Today, she has a few meetings at the school, and tomorrow she’ll start work again.

I’d go to war for her, but she can take care of herself. She doesn’t need anything from me but my support, despite my desire to tell every one of those smug motherfuckers every which way they can go to hell.

Whatever she wants, I want. Simple as that.

When I drive into Franklinville, my stomach flips with nerves. Cricket’s ladybug pillow is between my forearm and the center console. I’ve been fiddling with the felt antennae for the hour it’s taken me to get here, lost in thought, playing through every scenario. Are we all calm enough to have a real conversation about everything? The Wilson’s grief over Ashley’s death had barely begun to heal, and now that they know who killed her and why? The wound must have torn open again. Will they be too raw to hear me now?

My pulse thuds harder the closer I get to the house, and by the time I pull into the driveway, the pressure in my chest is unbearable. A heavy breath doesn’t vent it. Only one thing will, and she’s inside that house.

I grab Cricket’s pillow and get out of the truck to get her back.

I’m halfway to the door when it flies open and she sprints out. I meet her halfway, scooping her up and squeezing her as tight as I can without hurting her. She grips me like a koala.

“Hi, Daddy,” she says into my neck, half crying.

My heart breaks, but now that she’s in my arms, at least I can breathe. “Hey, baby. God, I missed you.”

“Can we go home now? Please?”

“I need to talk to Nana and Pops,” I hedge.

She lets me go to look at me expectantly. “And then we can go?”

“We’ll see.”

She frowns, but nods, curling up to tuck her head under my chin.

Patty and Paul stand in the doorframe looking haggard, greeting me pensively when I reach them before moving out of the way. Their eyes are ringed with red, and I have a feeling they haven’t slept either. Cricket won’t let me go, and I don’t try to put her down as I head into the living room. I still haven’t shaken the sound and sight of her the last time I had to let her go.

I sit in an armchair, shifting her so she’s sideways in my lap. When I hand her the ladybug, she makes me feel like a king, beaming up at me, hugging it to her chest and leaning into mine. I cage her in my arms with the possessiveness of a wild animal, wondering if I’m going to be able to leave without her.

With a squeeze and a kiss pressed to her crown, I try to relax.

She’s safe. You have her. It’s okay.

We make small talk for a little while, none of us willing to broach the real shit with Cricket in my lap.

“Cricket,” Patty starts, “wanna come help me get some cheese and crackers?”

“No, thank you,” she mumbles.

“Honey, the grownups need to talk,” Paul says. “Why don’t you go help Nana for a minute? Your daddy isn’t going anywhere.”

I don’t want to let her go, but resolve not to protest if she wants to go.

She doesn’t. “You’re gonna talk about me?”

“Well, yes,” he admits.

“Then how come I can’t hear?”

We all look at each other, but in the end, I say, “We don’t want you to be sad, baby.”

“If I get to go home, I won’t be sad,” she notes helpfully.

“I know.” I hug her and kiss her hair again. “Go on with Nana just for a minute. When you get back, I’ll stay as long as you want. Okay?”

Her pout is epic, but she slides out of my lap and trudges to the kitchen with Patty.

When she’s out of direct earshot, Paul sighs and says without heat, “I’m surprised Cass isn’t with you. I figured the two of you would be here with a list of reasons you lied.”

Ignoring the barb, I lean to rest my elbows on my knees. “I’ve been in love with Cass since I was in the eighth grade. Loved her so much, I carried a ring around in my pocket for half a year when we were eighteen, despite the fact that she was leaving for Oxford and I couldn’t go with her. When she found out, we were in Las Vegas and decided to get married. It was supposed to be for a night, just so we’d know what it would be like. But I never sent in the annulment papers. And then she left, and I left, and I didn’t see her for ten years.”

“I’ve heard this story,” Paul points out.

“I know. What you haven’t heard is that after Cass came back to town for her wedding, I knew there must be some way to get her back. But she was getting over something too big to ignore. I had to wait. And I had to tell her the truth. Which meant I had to earn her trust back after keeping that secret from her all that time. When you and I met, Cass and I were not together. But we were married, and I’ll be goddamned if that ever changes.”

His face is soft and sad and otherwise unreadable.

“She only agreed to this because I begged her. And I begged her because I couldn’t walk away from Cricket, and you told me this was the only way I could keep her.” I don’t wait for him to respond—it’s his turn to listen. “But that doesn’t matter. Cass is not here because in the end, this isn’t about her. It’s about Cricket, Ashley, and me.”

Something in him stills and sobers.

My palms sweat from the nerves, the speech I’ve been practicing for two days tumbling around between my ears. “Paul, I understand your suspicion of me, of the situation we’re caught in. Especially after all that’s happened with Trent… If he’s always been this chaotic, I imagine you’ve been through it with him, despite your affection. A few months ago, you didn’t know me from Adam. And Ashley left you to decide how best to judge my character—a decision that would change your granddaughter’s fate. All you had were metrics. You needed me to bring receipts. So I did. I gave you what you needed so you’d trust me with her.”

“But it was a lie.”

“Yessir, it was. But I’d like to think that over the time you’ve known me, I’ve proven myself to you. That my actions speak for themselves. That Cricket’s love for me is a testament to my devotion. I’m sick without her, Paul.” My voice breaks, and I look away, swallowing the stone in my throat. “I’m sorry I lied to you. Some of that was bad timing—Cass had just found out we were still married a few minutes before you showed up. Which is why she marched out and referred to herself as my wife. Before we knew the terms you’d put on me.”

His brows click together.

“When it comes to Cricket, I didn’t hesitate then, and I haven’t hesitated for a second since. I’ve done everything I can to give her a happy home and to get to know her. I fell in love with my child, who came to me on the heels of losing everything but you and Patty. I don’t know what more I can do to prove myself. But you tell me what you need, and I’ll give it. Just…please, don’t take her from me.”

Paul shakes his head, not to dissent, but to shake the emotion. The action doesn’t do much good. “I know you must think the worst of us.”

“No, sir—I think you’re trying to do right by Cricket, but it’s all muddled up with how you feel. But if you’ll look at the way I’ve loved her, I hope you’ll see that what’s right for her is me . I told a lie to open the door to her. Would you have let me take her if you thought I was single? After the picture Ashley painted of me from an old snapshot?”

He hesitates, but shakes his head.

“And now that you know me, do you think I’d do a thing different if I was single?”

This time, he looks down when he shakes his head. “No. You’re right. It’s just I…” When the word chokes off, his hand cups his mouth for a moment. “I don’t have a good excuse, Wilder. Only that losing Ashley is the hardest, sickest thing I’ve ever done, and learning you lied about something so serious scared the hell out of me. I was rash. It wasn’t fair. And I’m still hurt. But Cricket has been inconsolable without you. We can barely get her to eat, she’s cried off and on since you left. I don’t know if she’s had a lick of decent sleep, but we haven’t—she’s tossed and turned with nightmares both nights. She’s talked about you and Cass and begged to go home. Home. She wants to go home, and home is with you. I don’t know how I can keep her from you and live with myself, regardless of how I feel. But you’re right. You’ve proven yourself time and time again. And she loves you. She belongs with you—I never should have kept you apart, even for a minute.”

I’m on my feet and across the room, pulling Paul to his feet with a handshake and throwing my arms around him. My face is bent and scrunched, and the bomb that just went off in my chest leaves me trembling, head to toe.

“Thank you,” I whisper shakily.

“Don’t thank me, son. I’m sorry. Forgive me.”

“I do.” I squeeze him again and hold him at arm’s length, beaming. “Thank you,” I say again, and then I call my baby’s name.

She comes running in, her braids flying behind her, worry all over her face. But I catch her, hold her.

“Guess what?” I ask.

Her eyes are big and brilliant and bottomless. “We get to go home?”

“We get to go home.”

And this time when she cries, it’s for all the best reasons.