Page 15 of Hot Ice, Tennessee (Hard Spot Saloon #2)

15

MASON

Maisie rode like the wind. It was a cliche, but it had always been true. My dad had said it, I’d said it, and many of our riding clients over the years had told us the same thing.

It was true now. The afternoon sunlight brought out the rich red undertones in her mane as she pounded her way through the tree-lined path on the ranch. I felt each step, but Maisie still galloped like she was gliding over the terrain. Sunlight dappled through the gently shaking leaves shading the dirt path.

It was the time of day that’s best for napping—unless you’re restless as hell, and the next best thing is going outside. I’d gotten back home from Atlanta a couple of hours ago and I’d planned on taking a nap, but I couldn’t sleep.

Instead I sauntered outside around two o’clock, not planning to ride, but I’d wound up taking Maisie out around the long, looping path.

The air smelled like wildgrass and oak. Maisie’s steady clop-clop and the background cicadas were my soundtrack.

I’d been running, too.

Running from just about everything in my life, a whole lot less gracefully than Maisie.

“There, girl,” I said softly, barely guiding her on the path she knew so well. The sound of her even exhales and hooves was soothing, rocking, and I could tell she was as glad for the excursion as I was.

The first few days of my Atlanta trip had passed quickly after the night I’d been with Jesse, but then the rest of the trip had felt like a crawl. With every passing day, I felt like there were about a dozen other things I wanted to text or call him about, but I kept things fairly brief, with a few updates.

Truthfully, for the entire ten days, I’d been grappling with just how much the night with him had meant to me.

How long had I been searching for whatever I found on that night?

And why had it felt so terrifying to finally find it?

The night at his frat house felt like a distant mirage. It was as if I was one of the horses—alarmed by something that may or may not have been posing any real threat to me. Maisie had hated it when an empty bag had blown across the dirt path earlier. That was exactly how I’d felt for the past ten days.

Spooked. Out of nowhere, like an animal. And Jesse wasn’t stupid—he must have known it, too.

Doing the volunteer work in Atlanta had been difficult but rewarding, and Mary and I had even helped the group repair an entire patio for a kind old woman who had lost her husband last year. The people we helped were so grateful, and on the outside, everyone said I was so nice, so kind, so generous with my time or money. Even Mary kept thanking me profusely for going on the trip, and I kept steering every conversation to her life instead of mine. I asked about her work, her dating life, her parents, her sister.

It seemed nice, and it was nice.

But I was doing what I always did. Thinking about everyone else’s lives instead of my own.

I finally finished reading my self-help book in the hotel, too, but I sure as shit wasn’t any closer to knowing how to truly and fully love myself.

The book kept advising me to be as honest and true to myself as I could.

But what if my honest truth just didn’t seem to fit in the world?

“Whoa there, Maisie-girl,” I said, pulling at the weathered leather reins.

As Maisie rounded a corner on the far end of the dirt path, I guided her around. A little handwritten sign poked up out of the dirt near the edge. It was my dad’s scrawl, in all caps and with a few exclamation points:

WATCH THE CORNER!! HORSES HATE THE ROCKS :-)

I smiled every last fuckin’ time I saw that sign. Dad had written it after a rare incident where a fox had darted out of a cluster of bushes, scattering rocks along the path after it. At the time, I was on Chomp and Dad was on Hopper, and when Chomp saw a shadow coming from a rock the wrong way, he’d reared and nearly tossed me off.

“Oh, that’ll do it,” Dad had said, stopping and hopping off of Hopper. “Chomp isn’t going to like the rocks around here from now on.”

I laughed. “Pretty sure it was the fox running like a missile that scared him, not the pebbles.”

“It can be both!” Dad had said, holding up a finger as he kicked away the rocks back toward the bush. “It’s often both.”

My throat went tight as I passed the sign now, the letters half-faded by the sun.

Dad had been right, like he usually was. Ever since that day, Chomp had been wary of any rocks bigger than a quarter that ended up in his way on the path. It was annoying, sometimes, and I scanned for them every time we rode around this particular corner.

My dad really had been the kind of guy who could talk about anything. When I was a weird kid, who liked horses and riding as much as I liked musicals, he never batted an eye at it. And when I came out as gay one afternoon— also while we were out riding along this path—he had his usual, sunny and warm reaction.

“Well, shit! Whoever you end up with is going to be a lucky guy,” he’d said. “I think Hopper is gay, too. You see the way he cuddles up to Chomp?”

I snorted a laugh, relief flooding me. “It does seem like they’re a little bit in love, doesn’t it?”

Coming out had just been one of a million different conversations that were easy with him. There were others, like the first time I’d gotten drunk at fourteen years old, snagging a bottle of half-finished red wine, and he’d simply told me not to go wild with it but hadn’t been upset. Even when I threw a rager party at the house while he was out of town and I was newly eighteen, he hadn’t been pissed off when he returned home and saw the mess. He clicked his tongue, told me I was cleaning it up, then just set out about his day as normal.

Maisie whinnied.

I felt like there was a lead weight on my heart for the rest of the ride, as I guided Maisie back toward the stables.

I listened to the birds, chattering throughout the trees as if they were trying to one-up the cicadas. It had been a long time since I’d had a true, ugly cry about Dad, but tears stung at the corners of my eyes now, the sunlight coming through them.

I kept thinking of how much Jesse would have liked him.

And, fuck, how much Dad would have liked Jesse, too. I was sure Dad would have something to say about hockey, some perspective on how it was just like horseback riding, that wouldn’t have made sense until he explained it.

He would have known what I should do.

And probably would have called me silly for ever questioning myself at all.

I brought Maisie back in and refreshed her water and food. I visited with all the other horses before heading back to the house, which was yet another beautiful thing about this property that would never feel the same again.

I showered off, tossed on some jeans and a fresh shirt and flannel, and headed back down, just as the golden afternoon sunlight looked best through the tall windows.

When I was heading down the stairs, I saw the car coming up the driveway. The sleek black little sedan pulled up into the curved drive in front of the house, and I had to do a triple take just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.

Jesse was here.

It only took seeing Jesse for about two seconds to realize why I’d been avoiding calling or texting.

I’d been trying to make that tug inside me go away.

And it hadn’t worked. If anything, the tug was doubled now as I spotted him through my front windows and made my way over to the front door, pulling on a pair of boots before walking out.

My shoes crunched on the gravel. Jesse rolled down the window on the driver’s side of his car as I stepped out into the front.

“Get in,” he said, looking up at me.

Forget a tug. It was like an industrial-strength magnet was pulling me toward him as I looked in his eyes again, those goddamn beautiful jewels of green eyes.

“Am I being kidnapped?” I asked. “How often do guys just come over and demand that I get in their cars?”

“Hey, I’ve already had to do it to you once in the past,” he said. “I know you’ll do it, so do it again.”

It felt like my heart was thawing from the slow freeze it had been in for the last ten days.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere in Tennessee.”

I shifted on my feet. “Need a little more detail than that.”

Jesse lifted his eyebrows. “You got other plans for tonight, Mason?”

I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or fight back.

I didn’t have other plans. And maybe I should have resented the way he asked it, like he was already damn sure I was going to get in the car with him.

“I know of at least three different parties or get-togethers my friends are having tonight that I could go to,” I said.

I loved the little smile that appeared on the corner of his mouth.

How could he smile at me?

How could he be so patient with me, even still?

“I know. We all know you have a very active social calendar, and that you fill your days with it. But tonight, I want to be with you.”

My heart kicked in my chest. Jesse couldn’t possibly have a clue how much it meant to me to hear that. Six simple words that felt like so much more, when it was coming from him. I want to be with you .

Doubt had been ruling my thoughts, but when somebody point-blank tells you that they want you around? Not even my bone-deep uncertainty could argue with that.

Jesse nodded toward the passenger side door, beckoning me to get in again.

That falling feeling was back. All year, I’d been searching—but on that search, I was the one making decisions. Even if deep down, I knew I might never find what I was looking for, I was in control.

But with Jesse, the searching turned into falling , and I wasn’t in control at all.

I squinted into the sun.

“Well, only because you asked so nicely,” I said.

I rounded the car and swung open the passenger side door, sliding in.

The car smelled like him. He must have just finished a practice, because he was freshly showered too, his hair still drying off. He was in a TNU hockey T-shirt, heather grey with the green TNU logo on the front. After I shut the door and put on my seatbelt, Jesse drove off back down the driveway.

“We’re going to the Hard Spot,” he said.

I frowned at him. “Wait. No we aren’t. Stop the car.”

“Fuck no,” he said.

My heart was pounding fast again, this time for a very different reason. I went from feeling like I was floating in a cloud to being dropped into a cage.

“Every time I’ve gotten a text from Kane this week I’ve practically jumped out of my skin,” I said. “Do you know how hard it is to think about your brother and then remember what we did?”

“Oh, you mean when I railed you so hard you said my name like I was a god?” he said casually.

“I hate you. You don’t have to say it like that.”

He glanced over at me. “Would you prefer if I said it differently? When we fucked and it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life?”

I groaned, leaning my head back against the car headrest as Jesse pulled out onto the main road. “You’re cruel.”

“I’m just being real , Mason,” he said. “I spent a lot of the last week wondering how my brother might react, too, and you know what? I came to the conclusion that it’s none of my fucking business.”

You’re right.

You’re so right, and I hate it .

My heart now felt like it was lodged somewhere up near my throat.

“Jesse, Kane was the first person I spoke to. The first person I called after my dad passed away.”

He glanced over at me, squinting in the sun. There was something different in his eyes now, and when he saw the look on my face, his expression softened. He pulled in a breath, put his blinker on, and gently pulled over onto a dirt patch at the side of the road.

He put his hazard lights on even though there was nobody else on the road right now. He turned toward me, his brow knit.

“I never knew that.”

I squinted out at a little patch of dandelions swaying in the breeze, just up ahead of our car. Little bursts of yellow against the green fields and a baby-blue afternoon sky. Time suddenly slowed to a crawl as I remembered that moment.

“Don’t think I’ve ever told anybody,” I said. “I don’t know why I would. But when I found my dad—found him collapsed out there on the trail—the first number I called was 911, and the next was your brother.”

“He is always good in a crisis,” Jesse said softly.

“He is. And he continued to be good to me, in the crisis that ate my life up, after Dad suddenly died. I never really had a mom, because she died before I was a year old. And I’ve got a mountain of friends, but not all of them are quite like him.”

Jesse watched me, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine how lost you must have felt.”

I pulled in a long breath. “Jesse, I think I still feel lost. My dad raised me as a single parent, built the business that supported us both, and earned the land that we lived on. When that got erased, I didn’t know how to do it alone. Damn it, I already cried once today.”

My voice went all wonky and a tear ran down my cheek. My throat was tight again, and this time it wasn’t as easy to ignore.

“Mason,” Jesse said, taking off his seatbelt and leaning over. He draped his arms around me in a simple hug, pulling me tight.

“God, why do you always smell so damn good?” I muttered, even through my tears.

He hummed. “You do, too.”

When he pulled off, he used his finger to wipe away the tears that had broken away.

“I cried my eyes out for the first couple of months after he died, but lately… lately it hasn’t happened,” I said. I shook my head. “Somethin’ about the fuckin’ weather today, though. The perfect riding day. The way I know he would have woken up and spent every day like this out on the trails. Hell, not that bad weather ever stopped Dad from riding, either.”

Jesse smiled softly. “Like father, like son, huh?”

I puffed out a little laugh. “I guess so.”

“I’m sorry you’ve had it rough this week.”

“It’s okay. It’s mostly all the same stuff that’s been in the back of my mind for over a year, anyway.”

But also… you. And the way I’ve been thinking about you, too. On repeat. Like you’re in the goddamn air I breathe.

“I know why you don’t want to rock the boat with Kane,” Jesse offered. “And… I’m not just going to tell him about us out of the blue, or talk about sucking your cock in front of him. Okay?”

I swallowed. “You aren’t?”

I glanced over at Jesse and he relaxed a little, looking out the windshield at the same patch of dandelions. The gentle, repetitive click of the hazard lights filled the air in the car.

“Kane acts like an angry bear,” Jesse said, “but he’s a whole lot more understanding than you might think.”

He reached over again, resting his hand on my thigh. He stroked it a few times, then brought his hand up to my face, moving his thumb along my jaw.

We didn’t talk for a minute. My memories receded like waves, and in the stillness of the car, suddenly all I saw was Jesse’s striking beauty. The masculine cut of his jaw next to the soft, plush curve of his lips. The way his lashes shaded the constant glow of his eyes.

“Forgot how good you look,” I finally said.

After a moment, his lips moved into a rare, bashful smile.

“I fucking hated not being able to see you while you were gone,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“You knew you’d see me again.”

He gave me a comical glare. “Did I? You bolted from my frat house like you were a mouse who saw a snake.”

“I did see a snake. A big, scary snake in my future, which is the idea of how Kane is going to strike me down like a viper if he finds out we fucked. And also, I just…”

I trailed off, looking out the window as a truck drove by. The driver gave us a little wave, rolled down his window to check that our car hadn’t broken down, then went along his way.

“What were you saying?” Jesse asked. “You were worried about Kane that night, but what else?”

I swallowed hard. “Do you ever want something for so long that when you finally get it, you feel like it can’t be real? Like you’re not prepared, somehow?”

Jesse chewed on his lower lip, pondering it for a moment. “You know what? No. Fuck that.”

I raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“If I want something that bad, I relish every moment of it,” he said confidently. “Every time I win a game. Or when TNU accepted me, and I found out I’d gotten a hockey scholarship. Or even the freedom I finally felt when I left Elliot. I’m not going to stop and question these things. I’m going to grab ‘em by the reins and fucking ride.”

I groaned. “God, you sound hot and you compared it to riding? You’re too good, Jesse.”

He watched me. “If you want something that badly, Mason, then it’s worth doing. They say courage is doing something even if you’re scared, right?”

I shifted on the passenger seat. “I’m usually not afraid of anything.”

He flashed me a smile that made my stomach drop. “Then come to the Hard Spot with me. On a date.”

“Can’t do that.”

“Yes you fucking can.”

The dam inside me creaked, heaved, and finally all-out broke .

I wanted to protest and yell and fucking tell him no until I was blue in the face.

But unfortunately, I knew he was right.

And the flood of emotion inside me was never going to be able to be ignored again.

I leaned over and caught his lips in a kiss. He opened to me right away, pulling me in and telling me without words exactly how much he wanted me. He bit down on my lower lip, sucking at it and moving in closer to me, covering me with his warmth.

I’d be stupid to ever give it up. I was stupid to go without it, even for a couple of weeks.

Nothing was easy, but when I was with Jesse, I didn’t feel like I was searching, anymore.

I felt like I’d finally found someone.

Even if it was in the form of a college hockey player with enough attitude to fill an arena. Someone I never could have pictured myself wanting. Completely unexpected, but exactly what I needed.

“I really did want you in my bed that night, by the way,” Jesse murmured against my skin, kissing all along my jaw. “But it’s okay that you didn’t want to sleep over.”

“I wanted to,” I breathed. “So badly.”

“You really did?”

I swallowed, nodding at him. “It was all fear, Jesse. I wanted to be there with you.”

He gave me one last slow, firm kiss before pulling in a breath and leaning back toward the driver’s seat.

“Well. Thanks for going on a date with me,” he said.

I still felt like I was signing up for a suicide mission as Jesse put his seatbelt back on and drove back out onto the road. We headed to the Hard Spot, his hand resting on my thigh the whole time.

But Jesse had reached out and found me this afternoon. He’d done it more than once, now, when I’d needed it the most. I was known to do dumb things when hot guys asked me to do them, and maybe this would be no different.

Or maybe it was the first good thing I’d done in my life since everything had changed.