Page 14 of Hot Ice, Tennessee (Hard Spot Saloon #2)

14

JESSE

Mason sighed against my lips. I licked a stray droplet of water from his, waiting for his answer.

“I think I have to turn into a pumpkin, actually,” he said.

I groaned. “No you don’t. Turn into a pumpkin in my bed, please?”

“I have to be back at my house to wrap up the party,” he said. He bit down on his lower lip, giving me another hesitant look. “And… bad news.”

“Worse news than you not sleeping next to me?”

“I’m going to be out of town. I’m driving down to Atlanta with my friend Mary tomorrow.”

“Maybe you can come get in my bed when you’re back,” I said, sucking on one of his earlobes.

“I’ll be back in ten days.”

“Ten fucking days?” I protested. “Wow. What are you going to do in Atlanta?”

“Mary volunteers with a group that does free home repairs for elderly people who can’t afford it,” Mason explained. “I was talking to her the other night, and I maybe, sort of… told her that I’d go.”

“For an entire ten days?”

“Yeah.”

“You are too nice for your own good. Who’s going to watch the horses?”

“Going to pay Finn extra to check them twice a day.”

I pulled in a breath, stepping out of the shower. “Well, while you’re in Atlanta, make sure to tell their state hockey team they suck, for me.”

He snorted. “I’ll get right on that.”

We made it to my room and he scooped up his clothes, putting on the fancy shirt and pants again. Within another five minutes he had called a cab, and I walked him downstairs, taking him out to see him safely get in the car.

I gave him a kiss goodnight. “I’ve decided I hate pumpkins,” I told him.

He smiled. “It was a lot of fun tonight, Jesse. Have a good night.”

I gave him a little salute and watched the cab drive off.

No strings attached, just like I should’ve wanted. So why do I just want you back here?

Nothing felt right for the rest of the night. I joined the guys downstairs, and other than Robbie tossing me a fist bump and waggling his eyebrows, nobody commented on the fact that I’d brought a guy over.

It was like nothing had happened at all.

And honestly, I didn’t know if I liked that.

I lay back on a big bean bag chair, tossing a little tennis ball into the air repeatedly and catching it as it came down. The get-together went on all around me, with a few guys playing beer pong and others just drinking and shooting the shit. Elliot was sitting across the room on a sofa, next to two of his buddies. Occasionally, he looked my way, and I caught his eyes glancing over my torso. I was still shirtless, only wearing sweatpants.

I should have gone full lone-wolf and just headed back up to my room, but for the first time in a long while, I didn’t want to be alone. Something about my room felt empty now that Mason had to leave so soon.

But I also didn’t want to be down here.

I peeled myself off of the bean bag chair and got up, heading for the kitchen. Before I left, I saw Elliot stand up in my peripheral vision. He strode over to me, giving me a nod.

“What’s that?” he asked. His eyes landed just above my hips. I could smell cheap beer on his breath, which wasn’t a scent I missed.

I looked down and saw faint red scratch marks there.

Mason’s handiwork.

“What’s it to you?” I said.

“Curious. Can’t a guy ask his teammate a simple—”

I rolled my eyes, walking off. “Night, Elliot.”

“A simple question,” he continued, “like who the hell he’s bringing up to fuck in my frat house?”

“The answer is anybody I fucking want .”

“Didn’t know you liked older guys, Jesse,” Elliot taunted me now, following me down the narrow hallway and into the kitchen. A few girls and guys were hanging out in there, but when they saw the look on my face, they grabbed their drinks and filed out.

“You would have known that, if you ever listened to me. But you were a bad friend, Elliot.”

“Hey, hey,” I heard from behind me. Robbie appeared a moment later, clapping me on the back. “This isn’t the ice, bro. Chill.”

Elliot had a stupid smile on his face, though.

“Guess I’m not the only one who likes dirty blondes.”

I took a step past Robbie and shoved my hands forward, pushing Elliot and catching him off guard. He put a hand backward onto the kitchen table and a couple of empty two-liters and a beer bottle clattered to the floor.

“Jesse, what’s your problem?” Robbie asked.

I wish I could fucking tell you.

The problem is that I’m still holding Elliot’s secret, and he’s lording it over me like a petty tyrant king.

Elliot knew he could get to me, because he knew I was a decent person. I’d never be the person to out him as being gay or bi or whatever the fuck he might be, but that also meant that I had to hold in my own secrets. I was like a dam, constantly about to burst.

I backed off and headed upstairs. I heard Elliot’s light giggle as I walked away, and I held in every urge to go back and knock him cold.

“Fuck, ” I said under my breath as I pushed my door closed, leaning back onto the cool wood.

Elliot pissed me off, but until now, I’d been able to keep his comments from getting completely under my skin, especially off the ice.

I looked down at the fading red scratch marks on my hips.

I wish you could have stayed .

I picked up my phone, thumbing through my messages, gravitating to Mason’s name but deciding not to get too boyfriendy when that wasn’t what we were.

Instead, I navigated to the only other person I could be honest with, dialing his number.

“A phone call?” Kane said as he answered. “Something really bad must be happening for me to earn a real phone call from you.”

“You busy?” I asked. “I mean, I know you’re always busy at the bar, but can you talk?”

“I can talk for five or ten minutes. Max is holding down the bar. What’s up? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I mean, my house isn’t burning down or anything, and I’m physically in one piece, but…”

My words trailed off. I suddenly had a tight feeling in my throat.

When I was a young kid, I’d talked to my brother like this all the time. I could hardly get a scrape on my knee without going to Kane. And when I was a teenager, he’d been my best source of advice.

But it had been years since I’d done anything like this.

“But?” he asked gently.

“But I feel like I’m always one step away from fucking everything up again.”

The tightness in my throat got a little more constricted.

“Jesse,” Kane said softly.

“Like I’ve lived my whole life being in… in control of everything, and now it’s slowly slipping out of my grasp.”

“Just take a few breaths,” Kane said. I could hear the noise of the bar behind him get a little quieter, then the sound of what must have been the back office door closing at the Hard Spot. “First of all, I know you hate when I ask about school. But your grades aren’t the problem, right?”

“Not even close.”

“Well, there’s step one,” he offered. “You can’t say you’re totally not in control if you’ve still got school in your grasp.”

The truth was right there behind my lips.

I think I like someone, but I don’t know how to trust.

How to know what he wants, or if I’m… being too much.

And I know you sure as fuck wouldn’t approve .

I fucking hated having a secret. Like I was trapped, moving from one kind of secret to the next, holding it all in to protect other people. Mason was out and proud, but I knew he was terrified of telling Kane what we’d been doing.

I was in limbo. Purgatory. Another cage of my own making, because I kept thinking with my cock instead of my brain.

And because, goddamnit , I was starting to realize how much I actually liked him.

I swallowed hard. “It’s nothing. I’m okay.”

“No it isn’t. What’s on your mind? I told you I’ve got at least five minutes—”

“It’s just hard seeing Elliot around the frat house,” I said, which was at least partially true.

“The asshole. Well, you are always welcome to come stay at my house.”

“I like being on campus. I can handle it, and it’s only one more year. I was just… having a moment.”

“Why was Elliot being a prick?”

I sucked in a breath of air, looking over at the moonlight coming in through my window. “Because he found out I have a crush on someone new.”

“Oh,” Kane said simply.

He didn’t push. Didn’t pry.

But I still felt like my heart was teetering on a ledge, and all of this felt like too much .

“Well, that’s good. As long as the new guy has zero in common with Elliot’s sorry ass.”

I puffed out a laugh. “He’s nothing like Elliot.”

“Excellent.”

I felt like a weight was being lifted from me, piece by piece.

I was telling my brother the truth. Even if it wasn’t in great, shining detail.

“I’d say he’s better than Elliot in just about every conceivable way,” I said. “He’s older. Better looking. Doesn’t give me sudden urges to crawl into a cave and never look back.”

“Just make sure you’re still putting yourself first. Prioritizing what you need. I never want you to feel as isolated as you were over the past few years.”

“God, me either,” I said. “And… I’m trying to let him prioritize himself, too.”

“Good.”

I sighed. “I was afraid you’d chew me out for having a crush at all.”

“No,” he mused. “Well, only if he treats you badly. Jesse, I know I’ve told you this before, but I never want us to be how we were, either.”

I swallowed. “I fucking hated not being able to talk to you. Never again.”

“Damn right.”

I felt like my heart was spinning. “I don’t think anything serious is going to happen with this guy, but it just feels good. To have a guy actually want me, instead of using me.”

He does want me, right?

“Yeah,” I heard Kane yell at someone in the bar. “Two cases? Got it. I’ll be up in a sec. Jesse? Hey.”

“Hey. You can head back in now. But thank you for talking me down from the world’s stupidest little cliff.”

“Bug me all you want, okay? I never hate getting a call from you. And I mean it—if you ever need to get out of there, the Hard Spot and my house are always here. Yes, Max, I’m coming! Later, J.”

“Bye, K.”

I hung up, sliding the phone into my sweatpants.

Mason : Apparently Wayne Gretzky stayed at the hotel I’m at, once. He’s important, right?

It was Mason’s first day in Atlanta, and I got the text right after finishing lunch. I laughed as I saw it, and tapped out a reply.

Jesse : He’s a little-known hockey player. Really kind of an unknown.

Mason was so unfamiliar with hockey that I wasn’t even sure if he’d get the joke, but luckily, he sent me an eye-roll emoji afterward.

Mason : Well, I can feel like I’m in the presence of hockey greatness even though I’m hours away from you.

Jesse : If Wayne Gretzky shows back up again and you hook up with him instead of me, I’m going to be so jealous. And I’ll have… lots of questions. For him.

Mason : LOL. Promise I wouldn’t. You’re hotter.

Hours later, when I was back at home after visiting Kane for a while, I decided to send Mason another message. I took off my shirt, hopped onto my bed, and snapped a selfie. I sent it over to him with a text:

Jesse : This is what you were missing out on last night, just so you know.

Mason : Mmm. Bed Jesse. I really like Bed Jesse.

Jesse : Next time stay over, then.

Mason : Maybe.

It was another couple of days before he texted me again, showing me a picture of some of the repairs he’d helped out on for the volunteer project. He also sent a photo of him and his friend Mary, which he captioned me and my sister from another mister .

Jesse : You guys look great. Miss you.

Mason : I’ll be back soon enough.

Jesse : You know something? My text notifications used to annoy the shit out of me and they don’t anymore. I get excited that it might be something from you .

Damn.

Maybe that was a little too boyfriendy, too. I stared at the ceiling, hoping he wasn’t reading my texts and slowly starting to back out.

Mason : Careful what you wish for. I’ll start texting you too much.

Jesse : Don’t think there’s any such thing. By the way, I saw a horse today.

Mason : Where?

Jesse : On campus. They had a couple of horses, actually. Some group was there to promote animal rights awareness. There was also a pig, a goat, a dog, and a ferret.

Mason : A real Mount Rushmore of different animals.

Jesse : Imagine owning a goat.

Mason : It’s always been something I wanted.

Jesse : No fucking way.

Mason : I’m a rancher, Jesse. It’s what we do.

Jesse : I think I’d have to learn what it’s like to take care of a dog before I went for a goat.

Mason : We used to have a dog named Sniffy. He loved roaming around the ranch.

Jesse : You could definitely build up your own little menagerie.

Mason : That’s the dream.

It was the best part of my night, just sitting there texting Mason about anything and nothing.

Throughout the next ten days, we had plenty of little exchanges that always left me wanting more. Even classes and hockey practices felt more boring, knowing Mason wasn’t in the state right now. I couldn’t explain that, but I felt it.

I was getting a little frustrated with how much I was feeling , lately.

A day before he got back, I got bored and desperate. I was in my room, sitting at my desk chair and trying to study.

I leaned back in my chair and snapped a photo, then sent him the picture of my bulge underneath my pair of grey sweatpants.

Jesse : Want it?

Instead of a text reply, I was surprised when I got a phone call from him a minute later.

“So mad at you,” he said.

“Actually mad, or like, hard in your pants mad?”

I heard the wind blowing on his end of the call. “Like I just stepped out of the hotel to call you because… yes, I got a little hard and Mary doesn’t need to see that in the hotel room.”

I hummed, shifting the phone to my other ear. “Hell yes.”

“I’m ready to be home.”

“Well, I’m ready to see you again.”

I heard the wind blow again. “That’s part of what I wanted to talk about,” Mason said.

“Oh no,” I groaned, swiveling in my desk chair. “Why does that sound so ominous?”

He sighed. “Jesse, I still don’t have any answers for what we should… do.”

I hummed. “I say we start with a kiss. Then maybe I’ll grab your wrists, pin you up against a wall, and drop down to blow you—”

“Jesse, for God’s sake, quit making me hard. That’s not what I meant.”

I pulled in a breath, palming my own cock. “Fine. What’s up?”

“I don’t know what to do about…us. And all the reasons we shouldn’t be doing any of what we’re doing.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Well, I don’t really have any answers, either. Other than saying screw it, and taking whatever wrath my brother might give us.”

“Yeah. And potentially ruining the relationship you just re-forged with your brother?”

“Nah. That doesn’t sound very good to me, either.”

“So we don’t have answers,” Mason said. “But… I really did want to sleep over at your place that night.”

“I really wanted it, too.”

“And I would have done it, if—”

“I know, Mason. Really.”

Something felt uneasy in my stomach. I didn’t like this conversation, even if I knew it was practical.

When Mason got back, all I really wanted to do was spend about ten more days in bed with him, naked and uninterrupted.

I didn’t want to be responsible. Didn’t want to worry about what others might think. But I knew I wasn’t just a man on an island, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to risk Mason losing one of his deepest friendships, either.

I hated it all.

So instead, I steered the rest of our conversation to easy things.

More chats about animals. Silly questions about Mason’s favorite color, favorite foods, and his happiest memories.

We ended up talking for another hour, and with each passing minute I only felt myself falling for him even more, being pulled deeper into a question I didn’t have answers for.