Page 4 of Honor and Claim (A New Reign #2)

Chapter Four

Z

M y head is pounding. I wake up from a sweet dream of Cosima to a nightmare of my own making. I sit up in bed, and I swear I can smell her. What the hell did I do yesterday after we’d all gotten home?

Seeing the half-empty bottle of whiskey sitting on top of my dresser lets me know everything that I need to. Fuck me, that wasn’t the only bottle of whiskey; I’m pretty sure I’d chucked one down the hallway after my drunk ass stumbled into my brother’s bedroom last night.

I’m lucky he didn’t shoot me after the shit we’d all gone through.

Now that really was a nightmare. Even thinking about the danger Cosima had been in and the part she played, putting herself center stage of it, has me wanting to finish the rest of that bottle.

But I won’t, not after how drunk I’d gotten last night and went in search of her only to accidentally go into my brother’s room.

Thank fuck for that because I’m not sure what my drunk ass might have said or done if I’d actually stumbled into Cosima’s room.

I wanted to equally fuck the shit out of her and spank her bratty little ass.

She thinks everything is a goddamn joke and has no regard for her own safety.

I take a deep breath, remembering the scene that played out yesterday.

How she had put herself in harm's way without a second thought.

I run my hand down my face. She’s young, I remind myself.

I know I’m pissed because of how that situation made me feel.

How a fear unlike any other had overtaken me and made me feel out of control.

Something I’m not used to. It had taken me back to my first memories in life.

Ones I know I only have because the scene that unfolded in front of me when I was only a small boy is one you never forget.

My fear of anything happening to Cosima is unmatched even to that night. If I didn’t already think Cosima meant everything to me in this world, I for sure know now. I shouldn’t have screamed at her yesterday, but I’d apparently snapped.

The fear I’d felt, thinking she might be hurt or worse, tangled with the rush of emotion I had over her being safe, all exploded out of me.

It was an out of body experience, like something else had taken over, coming from a deep, dark place inside of me.

I can still feel it simmering inside of me, crawling to get out and to her.

My eyes flick to the door, the urge to go to her and drag her back to my room stronger than ever before.

I flick on the light on my nightstand, grabbing my phone off it, checking it as I head toward the bathroom. There are a million missed alerts and messages, but one stands out from them all. My contact Bruce. Fuck me. Before I can respond, the phone is already going off in my hand.

“Zero,” he barks out the name I’m known by in the tech world into the phone, not helping my headache. All Bruce speaks in is barks. Military life was drilled into him.

“I’m here.” I don’t want to be. I want to be with her. What if I just took her? Then I would know she was always safe. We would simply disappear. I try to shake that thought loose. She’d hate me. Cosima loves her family. She’s so full of life, it’s one of the things I love about her.

“We need you in Kansas.” The motherfucker hangs up on me before I can respond, not that there is much to be said.

If they need me now, and in the middle of what people think is Nowhere, Kansas, something big is happening.

No other details are necessary to know that there is already a plane waiting for me.

This might not be a bad thing. If I lock myself up in Kansas, then I can lock Cosima away in one of my safehouses, keeping her all to myself. That idea is far too alluring, and the reality is it’s not the first time I’ve had it.

I pop a couple of pills for my headache before I hop into the shower, not fucking around. I quickly get dressed and shut down my system, taking a few servers offline. This is the last thing I want to deal with right now, but some space might do me good. I can get my head straight.

Sure, I could tell Bruce to go fuck himself, but then in a few days I’d find out the fallout of why they had needed me, which often means lives lost. If only I could be colder like War and not give a damn, but I know what it’s like to lose people, and often the people whose lives could be lost in whatever is going on are innocents.

Cosima would even hate that. She can be a tough little brat on the outside, but she’s pure sweetness inside. A sweetness I want to get lost in, and fucking hate when I see it given to anyone else, which is messed up in its own right, but I can’t stop those thoughts.

When I step out of my closet with a small packed bag, the bed catches my eye. The dream of the night before replays through my mind. I reach down and adjust my cock. Was it the alcohol that made this one feel so real? I don’t think I have ever drunk that much before.

Even now, I ache more than ever to go to Cosima. I cut those thoughts off, not letting my mind venture there. It never ends well. In fact, the things my imagination has been conjuring up to do to Cosima have only grown darker.

It will be good for everyone if I get out of here for a few days. I need to not only reel my anger in but my dick as well. Each time I see Cosima, it’s getting harder and harder to resist her. I need to figure my shit out.

I know what I’m fighting is inevitable, but she’s still so damn young. Not only in age but in life, at least when it comes to the world we live in. She has been very sheltered from the darkest parts of it.

Still, I don’t want to leave things the way they are at the moment. I hate the way I treated her. I grab a piece of paper, not trusting myself to talk to her in person. I’m still not sure what I would do, but fucking her is on the top of the list, and I’m sure she wants to gut me right now.

I scribble I’m sorry down, slipping it quickly under her door before I head out the back way, not wanting to run into anyone.

I’ll send War a message when I’m in the air that I’ll be back in a few days.

He might be pissed about it, but it’s that or kidnap and fuck his sister. I think that would piss him off more.

I hop on my bike but sit there for a second.

I don’t want to leave. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

Cosima flashes through my mind, moaning my name, her fingers digging into me.

I touch my shoulder in the same place. It felt so real, but it’s also not the first time I’ve had a wet dream about her.

This is different. I think I am losing my grip on reality.

I know something has to change. I can’t keep going on this way. The more I try to keep my distance, which I’m shit at even when she’s a whole country away, the more my sanity and control slip away.

I’m becoming irrational and angry. It takes me back to when I was a small boy. I’d been filled with rage and anger at the loss of my parents. I would start fights with War and Ronan that would leave us all pretty bruised up and bloody.

Then Rochelle had Cosima. The first time I held her was the first sense of peace I’d felt since losing everything I’d ever known. She brought a sense of calmness to me that I needed.

The thought makes me smile, shaking my head. Even in the chaos that can be her, Cosima still fills me with that calm lightness. I changed after that day. I embraced the Marino family, becoming one.

Over the last year, I’ve felt that calmness leaving me, and yesterday has now sent me into a spiral. I have no clue how I’m going to handle it.

But I do know one thing: Cosima will always be mine.