Page 12 of Honor and Claim (A New Reign #2)

Chapter Twelve

Z

I went too hard on her. I brush a piece of Cosima's golden hair out of her face, wanting to see her. She sleeps peacefully next to me. I know she’s going to be sore tomorrow. My fucking cock grows hard thinking of how many times I’d made her come, how many times I came inside her.

There was no going back. Once I had her bent over the bed, my need for her took over. I had to show her how much I wanted her. That there was nothing I wouldn’t do to have her. I once again took her too hard, and I want to do it all over again.

I can tell she is exhausted—her face is thinner; that what happened between us back home had taken a toll on her. I’d done that to her, and even still, once I got here, I hadn’t told her what really happened.

What the hell is wrong with me? Gently I sit up, throwing my legs over the side of the bed. I run my hand down my face. I need to get my shit together. That’s what has to happen because I know I’m not going to stay off of her or away from her. I never truly could.

“Running again?” I turn back to see Cosima leaning up on one elbow watching me.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“And I don’t know what to think about that.” Cosima sits up fully in bed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why did?—”

We both speak at the same time. “I’m sorry,” I say again. Cosima presses her lips together.

“What exactly are you sorry for? Taking my virginity or running away after?”

"I'm not sorry for taking your virginity. That was always going to be mine."

"You're a cocky asshole. You know that?"

"And you're a spoiled brat, and you know that."

"Whatever." She shakes her head as she starts to get up from the bed.

"Nope." I lean over, snagging her around the waist and pulling her back down to the bed. I roll, pinning her under me. "I didn't say you could get up."

"Excuse me?" She narrows those blue eyes on me.

“You took off too, sweetness. Now I’ll be having you on a short leash.”

“You did not just say that to me.” Cosima huffs.

“I did.” She keeps on glaring at me, so I kiss her. The second my mouth takes her, she melts for me.

“You’re terrible with those kisses. You know the effect they have on me.” She gasps when I finally release her mouth, her lips puffy.

“I am terrible,” I agree. “I fucked up.” That’s the truth, something I will always give to her.

“You more than fucked up.” Cosima pulls her eyes from me. I hate it. This is how she can pull away from me, and I can’t physically do anything about it. I need to make this right. If she cares about me even a tenth of what I feel for her, I know she’s got to be hurting badly.

“I need you in clothes.” I push off the mattress, coming to my feet. There is no way I can have this conversation with her when she’s naked. Cosima sits up again, pulling the sheet up, hiding her glorious tits from me.

“How do you move so quickly?” She blows her hair out of her face. “You’re too big to be that sneaky.”

I am a big guy. When people meet me in person after having only known me online, it surprises them. I might have spent a lot of time on my computer, but I also grew up with Ronan and War. You didn’t hit the gym to take fucking selfies of your abs; the abs were more a side effect.

We hit the gym to be trained. You need strength and endurance. You never know what you might come up against, and I rode with them. The three of us have always worked together.

"I'm guessing the same way you learned how to be so handy with a knife."

Cosima was never a fan of guns growing up. She called them loud and annoying but knew how to use them. It was a necessity in the Marino home.

Now, with a knife, she could be rather scary. It always made me so damn proud of her when she was learning. That was until she actually had to use it on a person, a man who wanted to hurt her. I push down the rage that tries to claw out of me. That day had been one of the worst in my life.

"Why are you mad all of a sudden? It was only a question." Cosima pulls the blanket tighter, and I fix my fucking face because it must be showing my anger.

"Not mad at you."

"Oh God, you're mad at yourself? Am I about to get this whole speech about my brothers and parents and how we can't do this?" I grab my shirt off the floor before going back over to the bed. I pull it down over her head, then grab my boxers and put them on.

"Oh, we're doing this." I let out a humorless laugh. "You need to get that shit out of your head because that will piss me off."

I easily pluck her out of the bed before sitting down on it with her in my lap, my back to the headboard.

“You’re confusing.”

“Well, you fuck with my head, so…”

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes. I give her ass a small smack. “You!” Cosima hisses, her cheeks flushing. Oh, I know she enjoys the spankings. I felt and tasted it for myself.

I hadn’t planned on spanking her, but I’ve done it a million times in my head when she would have one of her fits. I know her, so my instincts told me she would enjoy it, and I’d been right.

“God, I missed you.” I cup the back of her head, pulling her closer, resting my forehead against hers.

“I kind of, maybe a tiny bit, missed you too. But just this much, okay?” She pinches her fingers together to show me how much she missed me. In her true bratty fashion, it’s the smallest amount imaginable.

“All right.” I shake my head, fighting a smile. “I am sorry. I didn’t know, but it’s not an excuse.” Cosima tries to pull back, but my grip on her neck is firm. I relent, letting her have it, only a few inches.

“Why did you leave that way? I knew you were mad, but that was?—”

“Cruel,” I fill in for her. “It was beyond fucked up, and I hate myself for it.”

“Then why do it?” Her brows pull together, and I can tell she’s fighting her emotions. I don’t want her to do that with me.

Cosima is a ball of emotions. You never know what you might get, but that’s her.

She cares deeply, and she’s not bad at hiding that.

People see her outbursts as her being a brat, and don’t get me wrong, she can be a brat, but I love every part of her.

All those things make up who she is. She has a heart of gold, and she loves hard once you gain her trust.

“I don’t think you’ll believe me,” I admit.

“I know you wouldn’t lie to me. That’s why I thought you took off. You didn’t want to tell me you regretted what we’d done.” I want to kick my own ass for making her ever imagine that was the reason.

“That’s not why I took off, and I do partly regret what I did.” Cosima tries to move back more. She’s going to need to learn that I’m not letting her go, but then again, she enjoys that struggle. “Let me finish.” I pull her back in, brushing my mouth to her. The second I do, she melts into me.

There’s nothing like the feeling I get from having her be this way in my arms. It’s a high that I don’t get from anything else.

Not even being the best at computers gives me the same feeling because it’s a skill set that has come easy to me.

But damn, the ability to make Cosima melt with only a kiss is my real superpower, and one I’m lucky to have.

And I’m not ashamed to admit I’ll use that power when I need to.

“Fine, finish then.” One of her delicate shoulders shrugs, causing the shirt to slip off, revealing it.

I have the urge to kiss and stroke the skin there.

How does this turn me on? I know why; it’s not any shoulder, it’s Cosima’s, and she’s using it to pretend to not care and sass me. So, yeah, it turns me on.

"The last time I felt real fear was when my parents died. There had been so much blood." I close my eyes for a second, still hating to recall that night.

"You never talk about that with me." Now Cosima scoots closer.

"I've never talked about it with anyone before."

"Really?" Her brows rise, and a soft smile tugs at her lips.

"Really."

"You can talk to me if you want."

"I know."

"Do you? I mean, I know I can be?—"

"No, Cosima. Don't do that. I know how you can be, and I love all those parts of you."

Cosima's eyes widen. "Love?"

"Yes, love." Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, and I know she's fighting a full-on smile. Likely because she thinks it's not the time for one. I pull her bottom lip out from between her teeth. "Don't mask your smiles from me, sweetness."

“It felt wrong.”

“It's not wrong when it’s us. Got it?” She nods her head, so I keep going. “That day?—”

“That I stabbed a man.” Cosima perks up. She is enjoying that far more than I would have thought, but Cosima loves her family and protects them fiercely. I’m sure that is why. She is also a Marino.

“Cosima."

“What? I did.” This time she doesn’t hide her smile, giving it to me.

“You did.” I can’t deny that. I have replayed the footage from the security cameras, watching the events unfold until we reached the girls. “It took me back to that night. That feeling inside of me.”

“Oh gosh.” Cosima covers her mouth with her hand. “I thought you were used to blood and things.”

“It’s not the blood, Cosima. It’s you. That feeling that I might be losing my whole world, and this time I knew I wouldn’t survive it.

” Cosima stares at me, her eyes wide, and I already know where her mind might be going, and it’s my fault, so I don’t let it go there.

“It’s you, Cosima; only you can make me feel that. No one else.”

It would cut deep if I lost anyone from the Marino family, but Cosima is different. She’s the reason I have stayed all along. Likely the reason I’m still alive and the anger and rage didn’t consume me. Instead she had.

"That's why you were so mad at me. You've never spoken to me that way before." Tears fill her eyes.

"I lost my shit," I agree. "Said shit I wish I could take back."

"Did things you wish you could take back." Her voice is almost a whisper when she says that part. I hate that that will be her first memory of us together. I made myself a promise that I will spend every day of my life making new ones with her.

"That night when I got back to the farm, I downed almost a full bottle of whiskey before I went barging into your brother's room by mistake, searching for you."

"You got drunk?"

"I was loaded. I ended up chucking the bottle at a piece of art in the hallway, outside of your brother's room."

"Holy crap, was he pissed?"

"Not really. Or at least when I apologized for it, he wasn't mad. That night was hazy."

"Tova has softened him some." She really has. It's interesting how much a person can change you. "Why were you searching for me? To yell at me again?"

"I have no clue what I would have done, but if I had to guess, I likely would have tied you up, spanked your ass, and then fucked the shit out of you till I passed out."

Cosima audibly swallows. "That sounds kind of hot." Fuck me.

"You're a handful." I tuck a piece of her blond hair behind her ear. "One that only I want to handle."

"It's hard to handle me when you take off."

"Harder, but not impossible."

"Yeah," Cosima says dryly. "I'm putting together just how much you have been pulling strings from behind the scenes while on a whole other continent."

“Does that bother you, Cosima? Or do you rather like the idea of me always watching you?” I watch her cheeks flush, telling me all I need to know. She really does enjoy me chasing her.

Cosima enjoys the idea of me stalking her, but I'm not sure she fully understands the depravity of it all.