Page 3 of Home This Christmas

TWO

Two days later, I hold my breath as I hear the key turn in the front door.

I had chewed my friend Coleen’s ear off, and drunk too much wine on the evening he left, and she had listened patiently as I went over and over the same things.

She had tentatively mentioned that Ade and I hardly ever went out together these days, and maybe our relationship had hit a rocky patch.

Perhaps she was right, and I just didn’t want to face up to it.

‘Hi…’ I say. Ade looks tired and is sporting stubble on his chin.

‘Alright,’ he replies, barely able to meet my eyes.

It has only been a couple of days, yet in that time, I’ve already suspected things might be over between us. At least he texted me to tell me he was okay.

I have had sleepless nights, the thoughts going around in my head, wondering how we got here. Were things really so bad between us? I can’t help wondering why Ade never discussed how he felt, but then he was never very good at that.

‘Are you staying?’ I ask, searching his eyes.

‘I think we need to talk.’

My heart sinks as I face the inevitable.

I make us coffee, and we sit opposite each other, Ade on a chair, me on our sofa. I had imagined us falling into each other’s arms, yet sitting here now, we seem a million miles away from that.

‘I think we need a break.’ He stares into his coffee cup. ‘Paul from work has offered me his spare room,’ he explains as his eyes finally meet mine. ‘I think he is grateful for the rent since he split with his girlfriend.’ He half smiles.

‘Is that what you really want?’ I ask him, my heart breaking, yet deep down realising he is probably right.

‘Not exactly, but things are hardly working between us anymore, are they?’ He sighs.

‘Is this about your dad’s birthday party?’ I ask, although I know that one incident would not cause us to break up.

‘Maybe it was the final reminder that we are on totally different paths…’

‘How long have you felt this way?’ I ask, feeling suddenly empty.

‘For a while. I’m not sure who I am anymore…’ he confesses. ‘All of this—’ He sweeps an arm around the room. ‘Lovely as it is, it is hardly me, is it?’ He raises an eyebrow. He had always been so content with our old flat and friendly neighbourhood.

‘No, I don’t suppose it is… The coffee machine is good, though, right?’ I raise my cup and manage a smile whilst swallowing down a lump in my throat.

‘I’m sorry, Rubes,’ he says quietly. ‘I think meeting Paul in our old local made me realise how much I missed my old life. It would be better if you came with me, but I know that isn’t what you want. And who could blame you? You have worked hard for everything you have.’

‘Was that the evening your friend was meant to come over here?’ I ask.

‘It was – sorry I never mentioned it.’ He shrugs. ‘We decided to go out in the end.’

So, Ged had been right about seeing him at the station after all.

We sit quietly nursing our coffees in silence, before Ade heads into the bedroom to collect his things.

‘I am just nipping out,’ I tell him, unable to bear the thought of a final parting.

‘Take care, Ruby…’ Ade says as he looks at me one final time. ‘I’ll leave my key on the dresser.’

‘You take care too,’ I tell him as I head out before he can see the tears in my eyes.

Ade was right, of course; we were on different paths. He was content with his lot, and craved a predictable, uncomplicated life that I had long outgrown.

I’ve never really missed our old neighbourhood, although at the time I had liked the sense of community: the smiles and the ‘good mornings’ each day from the neighbours on the short walk to the train station.

And the café on the corner did a decent takeaway coffee at half the price of the well-known chains. It definitely had its merits.

But where I am now is like coming home. The view from the bedroom is something I don’t think I will ever tire of. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to believe that I live here.

Each morning after waking up, I make a coffee and take it onto the balcony, which has a spectacular view of London Bridge, as well as the Shard. It is a world away from the small village where I was raised.

This was our home together, though; we had our routines, our shows we loved to watch and meals we would cook together. Breakups are just so final, aren’t they? And sometimes it is the little things that you miss. Ultimately, though, I think breaking up was the best decision for both of us.

Luckily, my work keeps me so busy that I barely have time to think about Ade too much, an irony not lost on myself.

Even so, when my birthday rolled around a week later, I thought I might have heard from him, but there was just radio silence. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

‘What did you expect?’ Coleen asked when we met for a coffee in a cosy café, its interior already strung with Christmas lights and a decorated tree in the corner.

‘I don’t know.’ I sighed. ‘I thought we could at least wish each other a happy birthday… We were together for over three years. What’s wrong with still being friends?’

‘Maybe, but I don’t really see the point in maintaining any contact when a relationship is over.’ She had shrugged. ‘If it’s over it’s over. Best to move on.’ Coleen is mistrusting of couples that remain friends after splitting, which I think is rather cynical.

Had I been selfish in our relationship, I now wonder? Food reviewing is my job and passion, which I thought Ade understood… It still hurts that he thought I would casually disregard his dad’s birthday party. It had been a genuine oversight and I’d always liked his dad.

I put away the magazine I am reading in a stylish bamboo rack and get ready to head into the TV studios for a run-through of Britain’s Best Cook.

I realise I’m getting used to being on my own these days.

I have friends and a wonderful job I adore.

I remind myself that things could be a whole lot worse and to count my blessings whenever I am feeling down.

When I return from work later, it will be dark, and I will by greeted by the magical view from my lounge windows of London in all its glory.

I’ve worked so hard for everything in my lovely life.

And right now, despite a feeling of slight sadness over the demise of my relationship with Ade I am not sure I would have it any other way.