Page 23 of Hollis (The Moore Men #2)

Fourteen

Ford

K nockinBoots: Morning Cap. You’ve been awfully quiet since we got home.

I stare at the message. Then reread it a couple of times. I want to respond…but I also don’t. This past weekend feels like a fever dream. I can’t stop thinking about Hollis and everything that transpired. It was amazing, but...

It was foolish.

I was foolish.

All of this is so confusing; it feels like I’m losing myself.

Or maybe it’s that I lost myself so long ago that I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Either way, downloading Hive was a terrible idea.

I knew it before I even went through with it, and now that I’ve fooled around with Hollis, of all people, I know it even more.

What was I thinking?

I’m not this guy… I’m not the guy who meets people online, the guy who casually hooks up with them, and I’m ce rtainly not the guy who gives in to desires I have about men I shouldn’t.

If all this confusion and frustration with myself tells me anything, it’s that I’m nowhere near ready for something like this—whatever the hell this is.

I’ve known from the moment I matched with Hollis that it was a bad idea.

That it couldn’t go anywhere. That I’d never be able to act on what I wanted.

And yet, I let it happen anyway.

Day after day, I kept messaging him. Kept finding myself opening up to Hollis without even realizing it.

I kept doing it all, knowing exactly who it was I was talking to.

What did I think was going to happen? It’s a small town…

The chance of Hollis finding out my identity was never in my favor.

If I’m being honest with myself, I think I always knew he’d figure it out, and maybe, deep down, I wanted him to.

Maybe deep down, I wanted this to happen between us because there’s something about Hollis that’s just so… exhilarating.

I can’t explain it, but it’s true.

He makes me feel free.

Hollis makes me feel seen in a way I’ve felt invisible for so many years.

I’m the captain of the Wolf Creek Fire Department, so of course, I’m not invisible.

I’m looked to every single day for direction, for wisdom, for advice.

But that’s work. It’s different. The way Hollis talks to me on the app…

The way he looked at me this weekend… He makes me feel wanted.

Like he couldn’t get enough of me. No kiss was deep enough, and he couldn’t get close enough.

Even after we both came, it was clear he didn’t want to leave.

He wanted more, and that realization was intoxicating.

And addicting, because all I’ve been able to think about for the last two days since coming home is him and how badly I want to do it all over again .

But we can’t.

I can’t.

No matter that our chemistry was off the charts, no matter how good being with Hollis made me feel, it can’t happen.

For one, it would be too messy; he’s my lieutenant’s best friend.

For two, after Trent, I’m not even sure I’m capable of letting somebody in like that—or worse, what if I do let him in?

Hollis isn’t the settling-down type. No matter which way I look at it, I’m setting myself up for failure with him.

And for three, the divorce isn’t even finalized yet.

I can’t be gallivanting around with a man twenty years younger than me before I’m even technically single.

I can already see the stares and hear the whispers around town.

I need to put a stop to this.

I need to tell him it won’t be going any further than it already has… That what we’ve done is a mistake.

I know I need to… So why haven’t I yet?

Leaving the station after a shift, I walk down the street to Trixie’s Diner.

It’s been a long day, and all I want to do is eat, get my mind off Hollis, and then go to bed.

I scan the area as I walk in, spotting Larry in a booth toward the back by the window.

He waves when he notices me heading toward him, a faint smile tugging on the corner of his mouth.

“Captain Wesley,” he says by way of greeting as I slide in across from him.

“Please, call me Ford,” I tell him. “I’m glad you came.”

“I was surprised to hear from you.”

The server comes and takes my drink order before leaving us to peruse the menu as if I haven’t been here a million times before and don’t have the menu practically memorized.

“How have ya been?”

Since my team was called out to Larry’s house when he thought he was having a heart attack, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. In my line of work, we deal with dozens of people on a weekly basis, but every once in a while, there’s one person or situation that just sticks with you.

“Oh, not too bad,” he murmurs with a shrug.

“Why do I feel like you’re not tellin’ me the truth?” I ask, arching a brow as I take a sip from my ice water.

Larry’s chuckle is tired and gruff. “I’m fine.”

“Had any more anxiety attacks since then?”

His eyes narrow, and he cocks his head to the side. “You’re one nosy son of a bitch, ya know that?”

I huff a laugh, shaking my head. “Not usually.”

Larry’s quiet for a moment, then our server comes and takes our order. Once she takes our menus and walks away, with his gaze focused out the window, he says, “Not as bad as it was that day.”

His face carries the weight of years. Sunspots are scattered across his cheeks, his arms, even the back of his hands, and deep lines frame his mouth and eyes. Without knowing much about Larry, I know those lines aren’t just from time, but all the things he’s seen and experienced in his lifetime.

“They wanted to put me on pills.” He breathes out a small chuckle as his gaze drifts over to meet mine finally. “Told them I didn’t need no damn pills.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.” A smile spreads across my face. “You got any family around, Larry?”

He shakes his head. “My Dolly and I, we never did get around to having any kids.”

“I’d imagine now that she’s gone, you’d be feelin’ pretty lonely.”

“I’m fine by myself,” he insists. “I’ve never needed much; been that way my whole life. But Dolly… I need her. In all our years together, I never expected to outlive her.”

His agony and grief are palpable; I feel it in the center of my chest.

“I want to share something personal with you, Larry,” I say. “If that’s okay with you.”

“Course it is.” He rubs his hands together, like doing so soothes his anxious mind.

I wiggle my toes inside my boots for the same reason.

“This is a hell of a lot different than your situation, but I’m going through a divorce right now.

” Swallowing thickly to bring some moisture back to my dry mouth, I say, “Despite it bein’ for the best, I’ve found myself feelin’ a little lost lately.

Like I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here. ”

“I’m sorry to hear that, son,” Larry offers, his tone genuine. “How long were y’all married for?”

“Twenty-three years.” I clear my throat before adding, “I figure if I’m feelin’ this lost, I can only imagine how you must be, and I just thought maybe you could use a friend in your corner.”

“A friend,” he repeats quietly. “Yeah, I sure could use one of them.”

I chuckle softly. “Well, alright then. It’s settled.”

That’s all that’s really said about it, and then our food comes.

Larry asks me about my job, and I ask some more about his late wife while we eat, and it’s nice.

I don’t know what it is about Larry; maybe it’s the anxiety we share, but eating a meal with him and hearing his rich stories is exactly what I needed. And I think it’s what he needed too.

Once we finish, I pay the bill and we make plans to meet here for dinner again in a few days.

Walking back to the station and climbing in my truck to head home, I realize for the hour I was in that diner with Larry, I was able to push all thoughts about Hollis to the back of my mind.

But they’re back in full force now, and as if his ears burn and he knows I’m thinking about him, a notification comes through.

It’s a message from him on the app, and my stomach twists as I read it.

KnockinBoots: You can’t hide forever, Cap. *wink emoji*

With a heavy sigh, I toss my phone on the seat beside me as I start the short drive back to the cabin.

Living on his family’s property isn’t helping matters any.

I’m sure that’s at least half of the temptation, him being so close.

I desperately need to find another place to rent, but there’s nothing out there.

I checked out a house a few blocks from the station last night after work, but it reeked of mildew and looked like an electrical fire waiting to happen.

I opened a can of worms, letting things go where they went with Hollis.

The memory of his lips and hands exploring my body, the weight of his on mine…

it’s burned into my mind, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make it go away.

I want to experience it all over again. I want to experience more of Hollis, but just because I want something, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.

I’m a grown man with self-control and restraint.

These urges and desires will pass with time.

At least I hope they do.